To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

I'm 37, he's 32. We are renting, and we both feel that's a waste of money. We are married 3 years. We both have okay jobs, but is any job stable? With our current salaries, we could afford the mortgage if interest rates went up.

We did this (but not in a tanking market, and also, as I put my savings in an DH did not have any, he paid a bigger share of the mortgage)

your DH sounds very cavalier about YOUR money

I’d wait a year

Pretty sure that doesn't work and can be challenged in a split. In fact I know it can as my mother did it and won.

Depends why he has no savings, if he’s always had low income with only enough for essentials then fair enough. I’d get your deposit ring fenced, the solicitor can sort this for you, then if you divorce you’d get this back, plus half of the rest of the money from the property. We did this when me and my boyfriend bought a flat (luckily still together and now married!).

Just to give a rl example of some advice here. My oh and i weren't married when we bought, and i put about 30% down we made wills ring fencing the money. We paid 50/50 into the mortgagee and oh saved up to equal my down payment. We're now nearly paid off but absolutely 50/50, and now we're getting a civil partnership so none of that really matters anymore anyway, but I wanted to give an example of it being fine when you're oh can't match you financially.

Are you planning on DC?

I think once you're married the idea of your money and his money does t make a lot of sense any more. You are a unit.

Why doesn't he have any savings?

I do wonder if he'd be more risk-averse or wary of the potential cons of the investment if it was his money

Maybe he would. Depends on his personality. But how would that help you? Then you’d both be fretting, that would be the only benefit.

If your financial situation and jobs are stable, buy the property. Choose wisely, keep an eye on the market.

If you want to protect your contribution then make sure you go on the deeds at tenants in common rather than joint tenants. Presumably you can still do this if you're married, although the default would be joint tenants - your solicitor can sort it out for you.
I did this when we bought our house because I contributed the whole deposit and since I'm self-employed I wanted to protect and hopefully built capital on that nest-egg that I might not get again. We weren't married though. If we were to sell the house I'd get back 15% of its value (I could have specified the sum instead) and the other 85% would be shared equally between us. You can easily set up something like this if you choose.

This is only an issue if you pay exactly 50% for everything and intend to for the whole of your marriage.

I put more money into our house deposit than DH. But he paid for the mortgage when I was on maternity leave, and paid the lions share when I went part time when our DC were little. Who has paid more for the house over the years? Not a clue.

I've written it down like that so you can see the point. In reality we have a family pot and share everything. If your situation is that your DH is a spender and you're a saver so you're always going to pay more for things, I'd maybe reconsider what you're doing.

Leaving aside the current financial climate…

I had a very similar situation when we bought our first house. However Dh went on to have a higher paid career which enabled me to be a sahm for a few years further down the line (and replenish our joint savings). If you are in the relationship for the long haul there will be times when one person is supporting the family unit more but it should (ideally) balance out.

Well if you want him to be more 'risk adverse' like you, stay renting until he's saved the same amount.

Ensure that you ringfence it legally before you sign anything. Also sit down and discuss bills, mortgage repayments, food and may leave, childcare, etc….

Does DH earn less than you? Is he rubbish with money, is that why he hasn't saved as much? Buying a home is always better than renting. Get on with it.

Your thread title doesn't reflect your post. So you are OK with him not having savings but not ok with him seeming to take for granted/not care about the risk to your money. Is this his personality that he is a glass half full type. Either you love him and you just get on with it or you stay in rented. Presumably generally you like his attitude to life ? Is there more to this and he actually is really passive and that begins to feel unsupportive?

Houses have always increased in value over time, even when prices have fallen in the short term. You are not going to 'lose' your savings.
You're married. Yes he's getting the benefit from your savings habit but going into buying a house with the attitude that it's all on you isn't the best way of thinking in a partnership.

But you haven’t answered the key question: is it that he could save and just fritters his money away or that he doesn’t earn enough to save?

It makes all the difference!

I think it is a little patronising to say he thinks it's monopoly money. Unless he is clueless he will know the impact but perhaps he has a more relaxed view of finances.

Resentment is a big emotion, often the underlying emotion is anger. I don't think you should buy if you are hanging on to anger/resentment as if house prices drop you may blame him.

Go into with full knowledge that this is an investment and that has risks but longer term a house is a sensible buy. At 37 would you have the ability to buy without him?

I was btw in similar situation, never felt any resentment as we were building a future. Despite I did lose out (despite having a deed of trust) on the divorce as no contract is binding especially if you have children.

I paid the full deposit for our house. I'd recently had a big redundancy payment so paid it from that. DH didn't have any savings at the time. He puts more onto the savings pot now though. I don't think I even gave it a second thought and the fact you are so worried makes me wonder if you have more relationship concerns than just the savings.

I doubt he thinks it’s Monopoly money, quite insulting to your husband really. Don’t buy a house if you don’t want to, but ultimately you are married so it’s both your savings and both of you loose out if the market crashes… unless you don’t think the relationship will last of course.

Your savings are losing money being in the bank anyway. Next year they'll be worth 90% of what they were this year if you leave them sitting there...

What do you want him to do, fall to the ground and worship you for building up savings?

If the mortgage is at a rate you can afford comfortably enough, there shouldn't be a problem. Property is one of the safest investments you can make. Prices might fall a bit but in the long term it will be ok.

Really you seem like you don't want to be financially linked to your DH, because you have different approaches to money. You need to sort this out, it can lead to resentment and divorce.

As pp have said, you can arrange to ringfence your part of the deposit.

Like I said it depends on people's unique circumstances.

You are buying a home, not an investment.

Secondly the deposit shouldn't be an issue as when you buy a property you have a choice of owning it 50/50 (Joint tenants) or Tenants in common- so you get the larger share if you sell in the future.

AS you're putting in 15% deposit, I'd have Tenants in common, 65/45 split in your favour.

That would wipe the smug look off his face.