To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

Buying a property is the best way to invest money, you are absolutely doing the right thing!

Please don't throw it away on rent your husband is correct.
And if the market goes down for a bit, it will come up again later... You are playing a longterm game, and longterm your property will definitely increase in value, they always do.

Try to buy a property with longterm potential if you can. But even if it's a 2-bed flat, it should increase in value and you'll be on the property ladder.

You are married. Half that money is his........ Or in other words, its family money so you do not have savings, you both do.

You need to deal with his attitude to money rather than worrying about how you split it. Here is your opportunity to get everything under control. Pay it all into one account, make some clear rules for everyone and have complete transparency.

OP, if you are really worried about losing your deposit, just continue renting. Your fears have nothing to do with your DH's lack of savings, IMO. It looks as if you want certainty and no one can give you that.

Personally, I would buy.

How are you knocking on 40 and have so little understanding, bricks and mortar always increase in value. Because the value of money decreases. A pound today buys you much less than it did 20 years ago. The risk is if you see this as short term. If you’re buying the house and intend to be there for a good few years and can decide when to sell then your risk is pretty much non existent. It is irrelevant if the value crashes for a couple of years , it will rise again.

Negative equity is only an issue if you are forced to sell during that period. If you’re buying a property as a short term investment yes it’s stupid to do it now. If you’re buying it as a longer term home, crack on.

js there another issue, do you not want to buy with him? Because on one side you’re a;L but slagging him off and on the other saying but i luffs him

make a call. Are you in or out.

To be honest my DH put in the large deposit for our home. We weren't married at the time either but had been together for ten years and had 3 DC together. We both worked and he had more ability to save money as he was working in a sector where he got highly paid.

He didn't choose to protect his deposit which was substantial, and it wasn't even something we considered, we have a joint mortgage and I pay half. We are now married and not an issue however it depends if your concerns are that your marriage is not strong enough or you are worried he is not good with money and isn't bothered about the risk of house buying as he isn't the person losing his savings? I wouldn't be buying now anyway and would pause until a bit of stability in the market and mortgage rates

are you able to afford the monthly payments if interest rates go up (or do you have a fix)?
Are you planning to be in the house for several years so don't expect to have to suddenly move?

if the answer to both of the above is 'yes' then you should be ok. Even if prices fall a little they'll recover. Negative equity is only an issue if you need to sell.

You can set up to but as tenants in common to protect yourself with a higher percentage of ownership, rather than joint. Speak to solicitor about this.

Obviously no one knows what the property market will do so it's always a risk, even years down the line.

I’m amazed by the comments on here.

You’re married. You’re meant to be a team. A unit. If that’s not how you view it then perhaps you shouldn’t have got married to him.

Also, imagine the uproar if it was the other way round…

Why would there be an uproar?

A poster has just posted below, which also seems perfectly reasonable:

My boyfriend paid the large deposit on our first home. We got it protected at the solicitors, so he would get it in case we split. You can do the same, to protect your deposit.

So buy a cheaper place and keep half of your savings. Get your husband to contribute more to the monthly mortgage payments until you’re even. See what he thinks of that.

As others have said, I think you are conflating two issues.
Firstly, worry about property prices. I'm a ftb at the moment and it is scary. I could lose my life savings within a year if house prices drop a lot. But that is the wrong way of thinking about it - you are looking at the home you are going to live in as a financial investment rather than a secure place to live. The value of the house is irrelevant unless you want to sell.
Secondly, you and DH have different attitudes to this. I would say you need to try to figure out exactly what the difference is. Is it because he has a different attitude to money in general (ie more spendy while you are a saver) as this could be a significant problem. Or is it that you are a worrier and he is more laid back? If it is the second then (provided you listen to and respect each other) you could be a fantastic team.

There's no bad time to buy a house. They can go up and down in value, but they ultimately go up. Rent is completely wasted money, and is enabling someone else to own a second house (I say this as a LL).

What I don't understand is why you're wavering about the deposit. Part of marriage is bestowing all your worldly goods on someone else, and sharing all you have with them. You are supposed to be a unit. If you're not keen to do that, I'm not sure why you got married (this applies to about 75% of people on MN, too - there are endless threads about married couples who don't share their money).

This is one reason I would never re-marry. I don't want to share my worldly goods with anyone apart from my children.

Are you the husband? Being 'relaxed' about money is a recipe for disaster unless you're the kind of person who gets other people to bankroll them

You are best off putting mone into bricks and mortar. House prices fluctuate but you will have your most important asset. It will only get harder to buy.

We put a huge deposit down ( mostly dh inheritance...we are not savers sadly). But our monthly repayments are minimal. I dread to think how much the'd be if we hadn't over invested.

Because there is a world of difference between being married and in a relationship where finances are concerned.

Hence why if boyfriend/girlfriend relationships break up there isnt an automatic starting point of 5050. You leave with what you came with unless you set up a specific legal arrangement that says otherwise - like that poster did.

Buy a house. You're mid thirties and by the time you find something and negotiate, you could actually use market uncertainty to your advantage and get a good price. You are first time buyers with no chain which will also be an advantage in negotiations.

FWIW, I have been married over a decade. We bought our house pre kids in my name and I paid the whole deposit and all mortgage payments and bills. We also bought our overseas property with savings that were in my name and that's legally solely in my name too and I pay all the costs of it. I earn a lot more than my husband. Despite things being in my name and paid for entirely by me (I also pay the kids school fees and all holidays etc - I don't really know what he spends his money on other than I know he works hard and contributes a lot to his own pension), he is essential to the function and enjoyment of my life and that of my children, that has enabled my career (although I was already a high earner when we met) and my well-being, and if he left me tomorrow I would not contest that he was entitled to half of everything.

If you plan to have children then you need to change your mindset. What each brings to the relationship cannot be solely measured in £.

I've reached a point where I won't pool my resources with anyone who has less to put in than I do. It would need to be an equal investment. I also wouldn't buy property with a partner putting in significantly more than me.

The risk is too great. It has taken me years to get to this point of financial security and if a relationship failed and my partner took half of my assets, I'd be financially screwed and would never afford to get back on the property ladder.

I have over the years earned far more than DW and therefore my earnings have contributed far more money to pay for the family home.
However - there is a hint in the term family home.
We've absolutely no intentions of splitting up - but if we ever were to, the financial split would be 50/50, as all the money that either of us has made, regardless of proportion, is considered family income.
I do think if OP were a man much of the advice given here would be different.

I think house prices will fall. So dont rush into anything yet. But even if they fall tgey will go up again.

Another vote for getting proper legal advice
I agree you're either a team or you're not, but all the same protecting your deposit money could be worthwhile

A boyfriend/girlfriend/partner has a different legal position compared to a spouse/civil partner. The laws around this vary depending on what jurisdiction you are in, in the UK but the law deliberately makes a difference.

A husband is very different to a boyfriend.

What is the point of getting married if you’re going to treat savings, home, etc as separate rather than one family unit? Unless OP just wanted the wedding without the concept of marriage.

I know so many that they are not in for the "it's family money", but with me and my husband it's "family money" but my twin and her husband have all separate finances. Everyone has different reasons I guess.

I hit YABU, because you're married, and you still think of money as yours and his. You should have stayed unmarried, then property would be yours and there would be no one to resent.

As others have said, legally ringfence your deposit so in the case of a split you get it back before any profit/loss is divided. Your money is then protected. You worked hard and saved this money before you met/married him so I understand your worry.
But if you divorce with savings I believe he will be entitled to half the money in your account - no protection.