To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

I paid most of our deposit as DH (bf at the time) didn't have as much as me. We went tenants in common but never overly concerned me as in it for the long haul.
I just viewed it as I was glad I had enough to enable us to buy. Or we would have had to rent.

You could what if forever. You should probably just buy the house. If you were to split now your savings would be part of the matrimonial’pot’ which would be split.

my DW paid ALL of our deposit, which was about 15% of the house at the time, I contributed zilch. We weren’t even married at the time.
she also earned about 20% more than I did so paid proportionally more towards the bills and mortgage. It wasn’t and hasn’t been an issue.

Now we have kids, and I went PT, so she continued to financially contribute more while I did more childcare.

you’re either in a partnership or not. and if you have kids your DH may go on to earn more than you anyway…

I think buy the house, I bet the difference in rent and mortgage isn't that big, and while your at it, safe guard your deposit.
Also tell DH that bills will be paid according to salary .so if his massively increases then that is adjusted at the in time. This will also cover you over maternity.
Tell him that once you have children things will change, work out how much you both spend and set up a joint savings, that requires 2 signatures for withdrawals.

He's a 32 year old man and has no savings?! Is there a good reason for this?

I would be reluctant to date someone who was that bad with money, let alone marry them!

People going on about being 'a team' clearly haven't looked at divorce rates. What if he had an affair?

I would make sure that you protect your investment OP

‘People going on about being 'a team' clearly haven't looked at divorce rates. What if he had an affair?’

the house is still an investment- if he divorces her because of this non-existent affair then pensions, savings, assets are added up and split anyway.

Didn’t you endow each other with all your worldly goods?
You are a team, if you can’t get over this then you have a problem with your marriage.

You can ring fence that deposit, which you can’t do with the savings.

sounds like you need to sit down,
discuss what you both need to contribute to a joint acct, what you keep to spend each and what you need to save each

It's always a bit scary taking on a mortgage for the first time, but definitely do it.
I don't think house prices will fall certainly not over a long period of time.
Your DH's attitude to money would be a concern. He's only blase because you have been financially astute. I don't understand why you weren't saving for a deposit together and both of you contributing what you could, like most couples do.

I'd also feel wary OP that it's your hard earned savings.

Is the mortgage going to be cheaper than renting? So you still have capacity to save or joint save. Is the deposit your entire savings pot? I hate not having a buffer for unexpected things. I'd def have it ring fenced though.

It sounds like you have two worries- about your husband and about whether to buy a house right now. Will he talk to you about your worries? Does that help/make it better or worse?

Make sure you are "Tenants in Common" when you do the contracts. This way you can protect your share of what you've put in the house so should you split up you can get your deposit out. A solicitor will help you do this. The value of the house is unlikely to go so low that you would lose your deposit.

I have always been more anxious/financially astute than my husband BTW. Except the time he thought we should just go for the tracker rate from our bank because it would be easier and I knew we couldn't afford any interest rate rises as we were massively overstretched (he has never once looked at our bank balance or a budget) and insisted we went with a five year fixed rate at 5%. This was in 2008 a month before the financial crash. He is much better at deciding to live in the moment and deal with what happens. I wish I had been more like him in many ways x

I'm buying with my DP and he has no savings and I'm paying for the deposit and the fees and the renovations. He's absolutely desperate to get this house despite bringing nothing to the table. I feel annoyed too. We have had the solicitor draw up our shares as 75% mine/ 25% his.

Not necessarily. Worrying all the time is fruitless. And actually I'm fine with money, don't have a lot but manage what I do have without getting overly anxious.

So what about the divorce rates? If sharing things equally bothers you, don’t get married in the first place, then you don’t have to bother with the divorce, either.

there is no bad time to buy a house

this is just terrible advice, based on no understanding of economics . If you take out a mortgage when interest rates are sky high and subsequently property prices crash, you absolutely stand to lose your life savings, and find yourself in a home a lot less nice that what you might have had if you waited.

There is literally an active thread, doing this exact same scenario!
Very telling how it's only family money when the husband brings it to the table!

Lol...

I disagree. It would suit me very well for nobody ever to buy a house and to continue to pay me rent - but a well thought out house purchase is likely to be a good idea. If you plunge in on the basis of a massive mortgage which you can just about afford now, you're riding for a fall. But if you base your calculations on a 'worst case scenario' (which, for me, has always been an interest rate of 10%, as I remember the 80s), you are likely to be fine. You just need to leave a lot of margin for problems.

If you buy at the top of the market, then obviously the sensible thing to do is not sell at the bottom of the market. But that's true whether or not you have a mortgage.

By your reckoning, nobody should ever buy a house. I think you can't buy a house quickly enough - if you hang around waiting, the market will move on without you. I also think you can never own too many houses.

This. ^ @CaffeineFreeEarlGrey This doesn't sound like a very good warm secure loving marriage to me. When you are resentful that your HUSBAND is not contributing as much as you, there's very little hope for your marriage IMO.

Imagine if this was reversed, and a man was saying this about his wife?

You maybe need to look at doing a statutory declaration to protect your deposit or own the house as tenants in common rather than joint tenants. You need a good solicitor not just a conveyancer.

What if you split down the line. The house and subsequent deposit that went into it will be his equally, no? Yanbu - I don't think I would be comfortable either.

What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. It’s what happens when feminism embraces capitalism - put a woman into a position of financial power in a relationship and she can become the thing she once claimed to hate, just as happy to dismiss the contributions of the partner in the less financially powerful position as though they are genuinely an inferior being, or untrustworthy unless they can be kept under control and talked down to.

So make sure you can absolutely afford the repayments (easily) and stay in the house until they go back up again.
You remake your savings and some.
There is a bad time to buy a house you can't afford long term - yes.

Mad isn't it.