To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

This!!!!!!

😂😂😂
If OP were as 'relaxed' as her DH - they'd have no deposit, so wouldn't be buying a house.

It is a difficult time for anyone as a first time buyer due to the fear of negative equity.

I am older than DH and I had more money when we got together. I had maternity leave twice and have now ended up retiring very early due to some health issues. So it has most definitely been up and down with who contributes most. I even paid off his graduate loan when we got together because it saved money.

I do have two friends that married much poorer men, it has caused issues. But these are quite wealthy women, one owns a second house and the other owns land.

As soon as you move that money from your personal account and put it into the house, it becomes an asset of the marriage and he owns half. Don’t do it! Or at the very least get legal documents drawn up that clarify that you own a greater share of the house.

I think this ultimately makes you a good team. Of my DH and I, I'm more impulsive (not in a reckless way, more a considered risk go for it type way), whereas he is always more cautious. If we were both the same as each other it'd probably be a disaster but we balance eachother out! I think it'll work for you both. It's fine to feel resentful in some ways if it's all your money but that feeling can pass, just let yourself acknowledge it and find a healthy way to move past it. My DH put the bulk of his money into our home and it was stressy for him originally but he got more comfortable with the idea over time and it was fine.

For what it's worth I think that putting your savings into property is the best thing you can do.

It is already a marital asset. If they were to split, savings are split too,

Imo he needs to repay your savings pot his 50%..word it as you worry he will feel it is just your home if he doesn't.. Me and dh have separate money (I had dc already and my preference) but ime you manage your OWN money better than someone else's!

There are never any guarantees, but buying a home is generally a sound investment. If you have stable jobs and salaries that can withstand rising interest rates, I would buy.

In the end, you married this man. It's a legal contract that means if you divorce, you could be handing him 50% of the equity (even if your deposit is ringfenced).

I understand your fear about investing your hard-earned money. It might be worth talking to an independent financial advisor about your concerns.

Your dh's idea that you two should buy a home is a sensible one. Only you know if it outweighs concerns about either negative equity or the splitting of assets in case of divorce.

You don't give any figures. How much is your deposit and how much do you pay in rent? What proportion of your deposit are you throwing away in rent every month? There is never a good time buy, but if you you are buying a home to live in (ie not a studio flat purely as an investment) then there's never a bad time. Even if you find yourself in negative equity for a few years it only really matters if you need to/want to move. I have no idea about your personal circumstances - whether your DH has no savings because he is feckless and a spendthrift or whether it's just because he's younger than you, earns less or has just had more outgoings for whatever reason. I do wonder why you would be married to someone if you're not prepared to share your finances with them to buy a home and not doing so means you can't afford to get on the ladder. Owning a home together seems to me the very least you might do even if all your other finances are kept separate.

I’m saying YANBU in terms of worrying about him not contributing an equal deposit. It’s you that loses out if you split and have to sell the house.

However YABU to worry about the housing market crashing and the house not being worth as much. Even if the market crashes you still have a house to live in, the same house you had to live in before the crash. It doesn’t matter how much the house is worth if you’re living there.

You are willing to buy a huge joint asset, but your finances aren't shared? When I bought with DH all money earned was 'our money' and so savings were all one pot rather than mine or his. Obviously if he's unreliable financially don't combine finances (but then maybe don't buy a house together either!) But if he is why not? Should one get more spending money if they outearn the other? We've always had a spending money allowance each which is the same no matter who earns what (it's actually very similar now but I used to earn more)

I agree. The market is very unpredictable and prices are likely to go down. More of a reset so 10/15% than a slump but that could change.

Sorry - I've just seen your post about him being five years younger and in a different industry. So totally understandable that he hasn't saved as much.

This is a common misconception. Yes, if the money was saved during the marriage then it’s an asset of the marriage and would be split. Yes, if OP puts it into a joint account or spends it on a joint purchase such as a house then it’s an asset of the marriage and would be split. But if OP had the money before marriage and has bank statements to prove this, and if the money was always kept entirely separate in her own private account, then the money is NOT an asset of the marriage and she would have a pretty good case for NOT splitting it in a divorce settlement.

Do you have DCs, are you going to have DCs?

Hmm, I think marriage is a bit like this tbh. When we bought our first house together the deposit all came from DH - I didn't have anything but did contribute equally to the mortgage. Over time, there have been times when I have earnt more and saved more, and times when he has - we just consider it all family money now not his/hers. Although the market is tricky at the moment, property is a long term investment so it should work out for you in the end. Still better than renting.

On BBC Radio 4's Moneybox yesterday the experts stated that at the moment, even though rents seem very high, it's cheaper to rent than to buy because of the rising mortgage interest rates etc. House prices are already nudging downwards. I wouldn't buy now if I was living somewhere I liked and could afford to keep renting.

In a couple of years, when the property market has dropped 10 or 15%, I'd jump in. That will give your partner a change to save up his half of the deposit, won't it?

If/ when you do buy, have it noted by the solicitor that you are paying the deposit. Because if you split up down the line, you'll need that deposit to be taken into account.

There is no good time to buy a house… but there is a bad time. Everything I’m reading at the moment is suggesting around a 10% drop. We bought a few years ago and are looking to move (upsize) I’m waiting it out for 6 - 12 months. I’d also suggest putting in writing that you will take 15% (or whatever the deposit is) of the house in the event you divorce, and evening split the remaining 85%. Thai protects your interests too.

MY DH was rubbish at saving when I met him and I helped him pay off his higher purchase loans, and subsequently paid for the deposit on our first house.
Thirty seven years later, it was a very good investment as he went on to be senior management in a major company and I was repaid with huge interest.
As somebody before mentioned, if you're a team and in it for the longterm it does not matter. However...if you feel a bit nervous about it then get a contract drawn up to protect your investment.

I wonder if you can get a ‘deed of trust’ written up so that your percentage of the home is recognised?
my inclination is that it’s for the most part buying a property Is a great investment. As long as you get all the proper checks done, you should only see your money grow over the years.

It's not quite as straight forward as that!

Well hold on a minute - if you buy a house it needs to be seen as a long term investment. Yes occasionally people make money in the short term due to renovations or they get lucky with a great deal and then market explodes and they capitalise on that but for the vast majority of every day people, a house is a long term asset and you will (usually) always recover your money and make money long term.
There are exceptions of course - generally new builds don’t fare as well because of the price you pay for it being brand new. They don’t hold up well for a good few years, but eventually all property tends to come good. Assuming half decent area, it’s not falling to bits and you’ve done your research on the current market value - ie you are paying what it is worth or thereabouts and not massively inflated prices, making it harder of course to recover any market drop.

But this is the reality! The other thing OP is leaving your money in cash isn’t all that safe either, unless you have a very good investment plan and your savings are working for you, then you’ll actually be worse off just sitting on your cash for the same years it’s invested in a property. The property market tends to ebb and flow but over time you generally end up with equity or longer term - the whole asset when mortgage is repaid. With cash, it just depreciates and that is that.

If you are concerned about the split of money then have the mortgage drawn up in such a way that you would get back say 60% of any resale and he would get 40%. That is what me and my partner did when I put the deposit down and he didn’t have any money at the time.

Regarding his blase attitude - well some people are just generally more accepting of the risk in markets. Personally I would not be worrying if I felt the property I am buying is a good long term bet. You can’t make someone worry about something they inherently aren’t that concerned about (and it isn’t necessarily because it isn’t his money).

Please please speak separately to a solicitor about how you can protect yourself.

Don't rely on love alone.

Sorry didn’t see catch that you are married - well thems the breaks I’m afraid. You get married, you generally split the assets if anything should ever happen. Especially if you stay together a long time, have a family and he has contributed to the home etc.

This is a good reminder for women in the better financial position to seriously consider whether being married or not is in their best interest or not (highly cynical and unromantic but hey, a girls gotta look after her money as we’re inevitably the ones to see the financial impact once kids and family life comes along)

My boyfriend paid the large deposit on our first home. We got it protected at the solicitors, so he would get it in case we split. You can do the same, to protect your deposit.