To resent putting all my savings into a house deposit when DH has none

[CaffeineFreeEarlGrey]

So we are buying a house, and need a 15% deposit. I worked hard for years, and I need to put most of my savings into the deposit. My DH has hardly any savings, and I feel he is taking it for granted that I'm using my savings. He will pay equally for monthly payments.
I am nervous that we are making a mistake buying a house. We live in the UK where interest rates are going up. I'm scared that I'll lose my life savings if property prices fall. DH has no such fears. I wonder if he would be more nervous if he had to put his own hard earned savings into it?
I don't resent him for not having the savings I do, but I resent him for being so blasé about a huge life decision. I'm so scared that property prices will tank, and I'll lose my life savings. I feel that because he's not putting any of his own savings into this, it's like monopoly money to him. I wonder if he would be more fearful of the potential pitfalls of buying a house with rising interest rates if it was his hard earned savings at risk?
Then again, I love him dearly. He is a good DH in general. And I don't know if there is ever a good time to buy a house. AIBU not only for resenting his blasé attitude to the potential risks of buying a UK house right now, but also, AIBU for buying a house right now at all. Is that a stupid financial decision? He argues that we'd lose money on rent, so even if we lost a bit of money on buying, we wouldn't lose any more than we'd lose on renting...

Get a deed of trust or similar. At least speak to a solicitor for advice.

I put all of our deposit down, 30k however my husband had more furniture etc as I lived at home so that saved money (not 30k admittedly).

7 years later we had a baby and I now have worked part time for 3 years, he contributes a huge amount to the bills compared to me, so actually my 30k is now irrelevant.

This exactly!

I don't really think it makes a meaningful difference since you're married. Isn't it all family money anyway?

I do understand your anxiety though, it is such a worrisome time to be making a huge purchase.

FWIW I put down the money for about 40% of our house because my DH started working much later than me and did not have substantial savings. DH has been paying the mortgage as I don't work. 8 years later our house has doubled in value.

Yep, I'm married too. But I brought more into the marriage, and it's ringfenced. I've been divorced once - I learnt the hard way.

DH paid the whole deposit and fees on our first home as I didn't have any savings , he said it didn't matter as we were a team.

Omg you must be mad to be buying a house now. Interest rates are so high, we are in economic turmoil and a crash of the housing market is highly likely .

You mean 55/45 split in OPs favour, since the amount has to add up to 100.

But agree that OP could set it up via her solicitor so she owns the bigger share when it comes to selling the property.

I would say the main risk would be if you split up in the next few years, then you'd likely lose the fees etc, especially if you're buying towards the upper end of your affordability. Or if you're likely to need to move in the next few years, possibly there will be a slight short term dip in house prices as the recession starts to correct itself.

I can see why you'd be wary and I think you're sensible not to rush into buying if you're having some doubts. What makes you think he is taking a blase attitude? Is he talking about you taking out further loans in your name for renovations or something along those lines?

DH and I were in this situation when we first bought (he had the money though plus a lot of parents).

We bought our flat as tenants in common as I wanted to ensure his parents’ money was protected.

its 13 years later and we’re joint tenants now as we have kids and got married.

You could do similar to protect your deposit?

To look at it the other way, my DH insisted on going tenants in common with a 80/20 split in his favour when we bought our house as the deposit was mostly “his money” (he couldn’t have afforded the mortgage without my salary though). I was pregnant at the time with our first child and we had a huge row about it but he wouldn’t give in and it left me feeling very insecure. We are now looking at divorcing with 2 kids under 5 and my solicitor has said that kind of split / TiC is a red flag to a divorce judge that they are dealing with a man who is financially mean and does not understand what family money is.

why does it bother you that it’s your money? You are buying a marital home. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, you shouldn’t be married really.

I am in the same position as your husband. I have some savings but not enough for a deposit, and my husband had the brilliant idea to save money in his early 20s to buy a flat in London. The sale of the flat pays for the deposit of our new house, and I am so grateful to him to have been much more savy than me in the past.
Now, we have agreed that I'll pay more of mortgage repayments (65/35) for as long as my salary allows. The idea is that I'll slowly build up my share of the house, and he can replenish his savings.
I also agree that renting is likely to cost more than high interest rate, but you should do the maths. We are buying a house of the same market value than we are renting, and when the rates increased I calculated that we could go as high as 6% to break even.

I was in this position about 18years ago. Had a big deposit from savings plus a sum generously gifted by my grandfather, he had none. I’d rented till my mid 30s and was nervous about home ownership. I was resentful at the financial imbalance. DH had tried for years to make it in the music industry instead of building up a career, we also had a toddler. We had some hard edged conversations where I highlighted it was time for him to get realistic and stick at a job, which to be fair he has done ever since. I knew I couldn’t carry the finances forever, I’m an nhs worker in a reasonable wage but in London…
Concerning the fear of a crash, it really is like shares, as long as you don’t sell and don’t crystallise that loss, you will be fine. We went through the downturn in 2008 and I honestly didn’t care, we knew we weren’t moving, it has since more than doubled in value.

Your savings are daily worth less as savings in the bank, due to inflation. Rents will go up as mortgage rates go up, as nobody rents out a house for a loss if they don’t have to and people renting out houses frequently don’t own outright. Either you can afford the house you are looking at without stretching yourself too much or you can’t and if you go for a fixed mortgage rate that lasts several years, you will have more certainty this way than if you rent.

I do wonder if he'd be more risk-averse or wary of the potential cons of the investment if it was his money

Possibly not. DH has paid most into our house but it’s me that lies awake worrying about money, my DH is just more laid back. Maybe that’s just the way your DH is?

@handstich1 @Twiglets1 @CaffeineFreeEarlGrey

The split would be

57.5/42.5

Actually it would be 42.5% and 57.5%…

I did the same with my equity , people have such rose tinted glasses about marriage and wonder why they end up being shafted financially.

I would speak to a solicitor and try and make sure your deposit is ring-fenced. I know that goes against being a tEaM but if the day comes that you are no longer a team he will take half. Day to day it won't affect him as he will be on the housing ladder and have half of rest if it's ever sold etc, but it's fairer on you. I would never pay a full deposit personally when we have equal share, I don't care how selfish or unromantic that makes me sound.

To everyone talking about percentage splits they are married .

If they divorce there is potential for recognising the relative shares but unlikely because they are married .

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

I do think everyone taking the 'but they're married' line has a romantic view of marriage and has never been divorced. 2 in 3 marriages end in divorce....just saying.

Oh god, sorry, brain fog!!!! need coffee, I meant she has 65% , he has 35 %, she should have 50% plus her deposit, but 55/45 might be a bit more fair as they are married, with a lean into her favour for making the purchase possible.

I am wondering why you are married if you feel like this. I put a 50% deposit down on our house and my DH had no savings so contributed nothing, but we are married, a team it just happened that I had accumulated before we met. I still got a home out of it. What is the alternative? Not buying until he has saved up the same?

You are being very weird about this losing your life savings, you aren’t putting it into a dodgy investment or playing casinos. You will have a house, it is going to devalue to zero next year. House prices always have gone up and down, unless you are planning to move, it makes no difference. Long term, with very few exceptions, property prices always increase.

What worries you exactly?

1. Buying a house?
2. Using your savings up?
3. Investing more than your partner?

If it's 1, only you can decide what to do. Don't feel forced into it if you don't feel it is right.

Re point 2. I think most people have to use all their savings to buy a house.

For point 3, you can get a restriction put on the deeds which says you own x% of the house and your partner the rest. That will account for the disparity in paying the deposit and will mean if you split and sell it, you'll be entitled to more than half.

Thanks @Twiglets1

I have a brain the size of my 3 year old before 8am!!!!