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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH is selfish to have night out and leave me alone with 3 week old newborn?

263 replies

Londonaries · 09/11/2022 19:01

My husband has just recovered from covid, me and my 3 week old caught covid from him, my newborn is thankfully better now after a worrying night of a fever and visit to the hospital. I am still unwell but slowly improving.

Husband wants to go out with his friend on Friday night after also being out the same afternoon for work and work drinks. AIBU to think that is just selfish to leave me at home with a less than 4 week old while he goes drinking and eating curry with his friend especially given the tricky week of covid we’ve had?

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

OP posts:
Bintymcbintface · 09/11/2022 19:03

I don't see the harm really, one night on your own won't do you or the baby any harm. Wanting to have a night out isn't selfish

Peashoots · 09/11/2022 19:05

Unless you’re very ill with covid I don’t see the issue. It’s one night.

FireworkFranny · 09/11/2022 19:06

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?*
*
That sounds a little bit controlling, it's not really up to me to "ease" up on what my husband is doing but I can understand your frustration.

A 4 week old is relatively easy so one night shouldn't be too bad on your own but maybe agree he doesn't get too pissed and he can take over baby duty in the morning so you can get some sleep?

Comedycook · 09/11/2022 19:07

Yabu. It's just one night...is it your only child? Surely one night isn't too much to be on your own?

MolliciousIntent · 09/11/2022 19:07

I couldn't get worked up about this - a 4wk old baby just wants to sleep and eat, you'll be fine by yourself for a few hours surely?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/11/2022 19:07

Why cant he pop out for a few hours?

Orangepolentacake · 09/11/2022 19:08

Bintymcbintface · 09/11/2022 19:03

I don't see the harm really, one night on your own won't do you or the baby any harm. Wanting to have a night out isn't selfish

Ah, the cool wives are out tonight

he shouldn’t go, if you ask me, specially as you’re not 100%. He’ll be out the whole day and then the evening and will probably come back at least a bit tipsy. Dude can’t even wait a month. Not ok.

GoAgainstNicki · 09/11/2022 19:08

Why can’t he go out for a night with a friend? I don’t really understand

Rtmhwales · 09/11/2022 19:09

My husband left while I was pregnant so I did every single evening while he was out with his mates. It's definitely doable for one person to look after a 4 week old solo.

Is baby breastfed? Can you trade off "me time" this weekend so you have a couple hours to nap/read a book/take a hot bath?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/11/2022 19:09

If you need help then of course he should stay home. If it’s just a case of I’m home with an newborn so you should be then YABU.

Hoppinggreen · 09/11/2022 19:09

If you are well enough to look after your baby there’s no reason he can’t go out

DenholmElliot11 · 09/11/2022 19:09

Let him have a night out. It's really good for your mental health to get out and socialise with friends. Have you thought about having a night out with a friend? Obviously I know you can't if you're breastfeeding.

Newusername3kidss · 09/11/2022 19:09

I think your husband is unreasonable to go out if you are unwell and are struggling to look after the baby but if not then it’s absolutely fine. My husband went out when baby was a few days old (to wet the baby’s head). I honestly wasn’t bothered in the slightest, just jealous!

It’s all a bit overwhelming at the moment with a new baby but it is ok for him to go out and of course it’s ok for you to go out as well when you feel up to it!

Unfortunately all 3 of my babies were breastfed and refused a bottle so was a few months before I could attempt an evening out and even when I did I had to stay local and be back for his night feed. Honestly it all gets easier I promise

GoAgainstNicki · 09/11/2022 19:09

Saying that though, I’m sure the first time I went out without DD for a few hours was when she was about 3 weeks old. However if you wouldn’t do the same thing then maybe it’s difficult to see why your partner wants too. I don’t see the issue though

Quag2286 · 09/11/2022 19:09

Would he agree for you to have an evening out if you asked for it? Would he stay home?

Really I think it's important for both parents to get a night off every so often.

thirstyformore · 09/11/2022 19:10

I do r have no problem with this at all. In fact I think my husband went on a weekend stag do when my second child was 2 weeks, and my eldest 4. We all survived!

Familydilemmas · 09/11/2022 19:10

At this age I’d be wanting him to stay home. You’ve had 3 weeks of managing on your own whilst he was ill, baby being back in hospital and you’re still not feeling well. I’d ease off around 6 weeks when hopefully things are more settled

Boxofsockss · 09/11/2022 19:11

I’d allow it so long as you get an opportunity to have you time too.

Pewterschmitt · 09/11/2022 19:11

YABU

Why is this an issue at all? Most in healthy relationships have time alone after babies come along.

I went on a hen weekend when my DD was 4 weeks, so couldn’t get worked up about my husband going for a night out

Hugasauras · 09/11/2022 19:12

I think if you're struggling he should stay. It wouldn't have bothered me with either but I've had easy, very sleepy newborns! But it obviously is bothering you and you need his support.

NiceTwin · 09/11/2022 19:12

Unless your 4 week old has complex medical needs that requires both of you there, I think yabu.
A 4 week old really isn't that tricky to care for.

Keyansier · 09/11/2022 19:12

You sound really stuck up. I can't imagine making a drama out of something as simple as this.

PurpleButterflyWings · 09/11/2022 19:13

One night out? And he is selfish? Get a grip @Londonaries

Skelligsfeathers · 09/11/2022 19:13

I don't think he should be going out . You have a brand new baby and as well as still recovering from the birth, you have been ill.
A whole day and a whole evening alone is a LOT when they are so tiny.
If he insists on going could your mum/ his mum/sister/ brother/ dad whatever, come over to be with you?

Peashoots · 09/11/2022 19:14

Orangepolentacake · 09/11/2022 19:08

Ah, the cool wives are out tonight

he shouldn’t go, if you ask me, specially as you’re not 100%. He’ll be out the whole day and then the evening and will probably come back at least a bit tipsy. Dude can’t even wait a month. Not ok.

Show quote history

No need to name call, people have different opinions and different relationships. Out of interest, why specifically would you have a problem with this? Ill explain why I would’t, because belittling people and slinging insults helps nobody understand the other’s point of view.
I wouldn’t have a problem because

  1. I would cope fine for one night with a three week old baby. Their needs are very easily met at this stage
  2. it’s important to have time apart as a couple and I might even enjoy the sofa and tv to myself for the evening
  3. it’s important to maintain a life and a persona outside of “mum and dad”- my husband and I love and respect each other, and care for each others mental and emotional well-being.
  4. I would look forward to a night with the girls when husband would stay at home with the baby- I’d hate to be guilt tripped into staying at home when I wanted to go out.