AIBU to think DH is selfish to have night out and leave me alone with 3 week old newborn?

[Londonaries]

My husband has just recovered from covid, me and my 3 week old caught covid from him, my newborn is thankfully better now after a worrying night of a fever and visit to the hospital. I am still unwell but slowly improving.

Husband wants to go out with his friend on Friday night after also being out the same afternoon for work and work drinks. AIBU to think that is just selfish to leave me at home with a less than 4 week old while he goes drinking and eating curry with his friend especially given the tricky week of covid we’ve had?

When did you ease up on DH having a social life after the arrival of a newborn?

I totally agree with @steff13. Its not patronising at all. Yes motherhood is hard work,no one is doubting that for one minute but we are not all the same.
Its not all about 'being cool' blah blah. Fucks sake.

I would have hoped that the main point was about being honest about what the Op wanted /needed.

No one is the same, but no one should be made to feel bad from the "I did a Pilates class 2 hours after birth, I don't see what the problem is?" gang.

Weird you didn’t post this in response to the cool wives posts.

Steff makes a good point.

Not all 4 week old babies are 'easy'.

Personally at 4 weeks old, I needed help every night because it was far from easy. And I wouldn't have wanted DP to go out.

I suppose it depends, if he's going out for a couple of hours to catch up with friends and will be home at a reasonable hour then that's fine. DH went out to wet the baby's head at around two weeks. He was home by 11pm and I'd arranged for a (very supportive) friend to come over should I have a post c-section wobble. Did us both the world of good.

If he's going out to get wrecked, stumble in at 4am and be a write off for the rest of the weekend then I'd be less than impressed too.

Sorry I don't see the problem.

I dint think you're being unreasonable. I found it so hard when I had a newborn. I used to stand at the window waiting for my DH to get back. It isn't the case they just eat & sleep. They cry a lot too & mine used to only sleep on me, which meant I couldn't do anything. (Sounds a lot better than it is!). You also mentioned he's out in the afternoon as well, I'd mention to him you'd rather he didn't just yet. Surely he will understand. 🤷🏼‍♀️

With no other kids at home, fine.
With siblings then I'd be more hesitant, as getting multiple children to bed can be v hard. But one baby and one adult is a good ratio.

I can't remember when my husband first went for a night out with our first, but I went out to a party, leaving my baby with my husband for the evening at 2-3 weeks.

Tbh, having slightly older (toddlers...) Children affected our social lives far more than a baby.

Yes he needs to go out and socialise, especially if he’s been stuck in with covid.

It’s very important for you both to get out and do things.

I don’t understand why you want him to stay home.
What will he be doing that you can’t do yourself?

If you really don’t want him to go then he shouldn’t go. why don’t you want him to go x

OP my DD was not the easy cuddly newborn PP on here have been fortunate to have and I'd have been totally pissed off if DP went out when she was 4 weeks. She literally cried for hours and hours every night (and most of the day) and I could just about manage until he finished work but not a night out too

On top of that, you've got bloody covid. I think it's perfectly okay to not be okay about this.

I was left alone with my newborn for months, no family or friends around, one night is nothing

Un, about two weeks? I mean I think he went away for work around then. I don't see the issue really unless you are still too unwell to look after your baby.

Because she's already been at home with the baby all day and heaven forbid might need a rest or some help?!

I was out myself when baby was 2 weeks old and we alternated a night every week post two weeks.

To me staying me and looking after my well being made me a better mum. Usually brought car or headed home at reasonable time so not wild party nights. Most my friends did the same one used to bring her little one to house gatherings in a sling.

Admittedly I was very very lucky both my children were great sleepers, guzzled their bottles and during the day were entertained by our cats and chilled a lot.

Idiot.

Calling people "cool wives" when saying its not selfish to want a night out is being a knob

You sound very controlling. I feel sorry for your DH.

I'm so relieved I married an actual grown up. Newsflash...your life changes when you have a baby. He should actually want to be at home with you for the foreseeable. For a special occasion...maybe. Just to get pissed with a mate when he's already been out for the day...I'd make it very clear I won't be treated like a doormat and start considering my options. You're a family now, his priority is you and a newborn.

LOL most of these replies definitely didn't have intense witching hours (witching evenings and most of the night!)

I was cross about being left alone in the early weeks. I had my first night out at 12 weeks when the constant crying had lessened. DP had his in week 1. I was not impressed.

Why do you assume that we all had easy babies, just because we have a different view to you?

I had an easy(ish) baby and a colicky one. Both I was fine with individually at 3w. Together was more of a handful, but due to the toddler not the baby!

My husband went out when they were newborn for the odd night. You’re being unreasonable.

What a huge dramatic overreaction 🙄

@kirinm - why am I am am idiot?, because im a grown woman with a different opinion to yours? Off you pop hun

I don’t think this is an overreaction but I guess it depends what he is like when he goes out. Will he come back at a stupid time totally hammered and a complete write off the next day or will he just have a few and be home before you go to bed? It makes a difference