Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

I would suggest that someone else’s office Christmas party where you don’t know anyone or any of the “in”jokes is even more tedious than a graduation ceremony.
Regardless of whether people think graduations are boring, it means a lot to you OP so you go and be proud.

Which one will you regret more?

10yrs down the line are you going to feel bad for not going to a party or going to a graduation and getting the pictures etc?

i missed my graduation (giving birth!) and if I did another course with a graduation ceremony I would absolutely go.

What do you mean no one would bother?
speak for yourself.
most people, if they do graduate, will only do it once and therefore won’t know what the experience is like, so I think most people would, in fact, bother!

@Cactusprick yes, because like I said, you get a picture at the end. You can meet up with friends and celebrate in another way, graduations are for pictures. Who tf would go if it were plain clothes? You did not refute my point at all. What's so special about a graduation ceremony besides the outfit?

Agree graduations are tedious, and I can claim a MN badge of having skipped mine for my MSc and professional qualification.

HOWEVER, it matters to you and thus should matter to him. Parties and nights away happen reasonably often, this is a one off and caps an achievement so it should take precedence.

Well done on your qualification, I haven't got a clue about CIM but working and studying at the same time is bloody hard, and yes I also found it more difficult than my undergraduate degree.

I totally understand. I had a simmlar graduation for a professional qualification and had arranged a fancy celebration meal afterwards. My ex-H bailed on the meal as his football team changed their fixtures. It was one of the nails in the coffin of our marriage.

You need to explain to yoyr partner how much this means to you. He seems just to be thinking of a freebie.

Congratulations on your achievement. If you want to go to your own graduation, you should go. Missing it would always be a source of regret. It's a pity your boyfriend does not want to be there for you but you can have a good time with your peer group.

Why is your boyfriend so obsessed with a free night at a hotel? Is he one of those people who go to strangers' funerals so that he can stuff his face at the wake? And what use would you realistically get out of the spa facilities if it's a one night stay and the evening is taken up with a party?

Firstly, congratulations!

I think it's pretty irrelevant how boring the graduation thing would be because it should be about your boyfriend celebrating your hard work and success with you!

You've also suggested he goes to his work party and you'll go to your graduation and that you'd find the work party boring as you don't know anyone but he's acting like a toddler having a tantrum because he doesn't want to go on his own?!!! Give over. He's showing you that a bloody work party is more important to him than celebrating your achievement with you. What a peach.

Agree with this.

Congratulations, OP.

I just thought it would be nice to celebrate something I was so proud of doing with people I love but obviously I was wrong as no one wants to come.

Of course you do. I can't believe some of the replies on here. It's a great achievement and the party will be dull for you.

1000% this.

Congratulations on your graduation!!!

It matters more because of missing your uni graduation so although people can say "Oh it isn't even a degree" or "graduations are boring" I think they are missing the significance.

I've gone to more graduations than I can count, my kids and people when I was HR manager and several staff graduated without family around. If I knew they had no one going to their graduation I always asked if I could come and I was so happy to see what they had achieved and as you say studying when working fulltime is tough.

I hope he does the right thing, there should be many more Christmas parties and they can be pretty boring as well (I had to go because of my job but I always found them hard work) and congratulations on your achievement.

I went to my first graduation but sacked off the second and third because they're so boring and I didn't know what it proved? You get your qualification whether or not you stand in a queue for hours to briefly walk across a stage.

@TeapotTitties when did bf/gf = not partners? If they are dating they are partners.

OP if you don’t go to your graduation will you regret it? Life is too short to not take every opportunity and if this is important to you then you should go.
Personally I would tell my partner that I’m going to my graduation as it men and more to me than a spa day and they can do as they please.
You did this for you and you are entitled to celebrate it. Congratulations!

Firstly congratulations!
Graduation ceremonies are boring sitting around listening to other people but so what, it's a one off and that feeling of strutting across the stage and having a handshake from the Provost and getting the certificate is worth it! And you'll get to wear a gown and have a professional photo taken, have a bottle of bubbly, nice lunch or dinner, chat to other students and teachers etc.
My mum didn't go to her teachers training graduation because my dad was a grump and she's always regretted it.
Think long term - you never got to have a graduation ceremony so in 20 years will you be so delighted you went to some work do with a BF you potentially broke up with or looking back with pride at the photos of you celebrating a hard won qualification with your future DH or DC?
Your BF can't face going to his work party alone but also wants to deny you your chance to shine? He sounds like a sulky brat!

Go to your graduation, he goes to his work do?

can understand your grandparents pulling out, though. Of course they’re proud of you but train ticket prices now are staggering.

I am firmly in the "graduations are tedious" camp, but that doesn't matter because I'm not you! You want to be there to celebrate your achievement.

Your DP would rather go to his work party, which is not unreasonable. What IS unreasonable is that he is putting pressure on you to swerve your own graduation, which he knows is important to you, because he doesn't want to go to the party on his own. That turns it from disappointing to incredibly selfish, in my view.

But @PizzaPizza56 you went to one and then decided it wasn't worth going to any more – perfectly reasonable.

OP missed her undergraduate ceremony so she has never been to a graduation ceremony of any kind, so clearly also perfectly reasonable that she would want to attend this time.

Its a really disappointing clash for both of you. Acknowledge that and talk to each other.

Absolutely you should go to your graduation. Be proud of yourself. If your boyfriend won’t go to his party on his own, we’ll then that’s on him. To be honest, I think this might give me the ick - the combination of disloyalty and his inability to go to an event independently. Not very attractive.

He sounds a bit mean. My husband was extremely proud to attend mine. He wouldn’t have picked the party over my graduation.

If I wanted to go to an event that I valued - like a graduation I would expect my partner to be there with me, certainly a graduation outranks a works party or a football match.

I can't believe these messages - surely if you love someone you sit through all sorts of boring/less than fun things? School parents evening, nativity plays where your child is a tree, football sidelines...

When my DS2 graduated, my ExDH, ds3 and I drove 4 hours each way to wait hours for him to get into his gown, have photos, do the hundred-and-one things he needed to do on the day, and then through the ceremony (which I loved) and then the parents-and-grad photos and general milling about. I was absolutely bursting with pride. We had a meal and drove 4 hours home.
When ds2 graduated his masters, it was in Covid times and only 2 people were allowed; he invited his gf and brother (otherwise he'd have invited me, EX, ex's new wife, gf, brother...). I took the train 2 hours just to see him in his gown, on his graduation day. I took photos and left them to it, 2 hours back. Again, bursting with pride - I could not have let him think I didn't care enough to see him on his Masters graduation day (his father didn't bother to turn up angry])

Agree @elisenbrunnen , I can't imagine saying to my husband or one of my kids that i'm not bothering with their graduation which matters so much to them because it's boring or tedious or that it's their achievement and nothing to do with me.

Just awful.

Well done, OP. You've worked really hard and you're right to be proud of your achievement.

Can't believe the bashing from posters who don't think the qualification is important enough or that the ceremony will be boring so OP shouldn't bother. I enjoyed mine - the actual ceremonies were around an hour or so, you're on stage or waiting to go on for part of that, and you spend the day with your friends and family. Even if the OP does find it boring, that's for her to find out for herself.

I really hope you get to go OP, do you know anyone from the same course who you could meet up with?