Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

I can tell you what they are like. You sit in a massive room while 2000 people come up to stage and people halfheartedly clap them. You sit in alphabetical order so very unlikely to know who you are with. Your families sit in a different bit of the room. Eventually you go on stage and someone you don't know shakes hands with you and gives a piece of paper. You then wait another hour for the everyone else to do the same. You all leave. If you know anyone else then you can go for a meal with them. My DH didn't come to mine, or anyone else, and it was only 20 mins away. It had been a slog to get the BSc as we had 3 children under 5 by the end (one I had in one of the summer holidays!) No family support and I worked on top. I would have taken a spa 1000 times over the boring ceremony.

Fuck me some people are miserable.

I totally get it OP, it is a huge achievement and you want to shout it from the rooftops and have it recognised publicly. I get it - if a graduation had been available when I did the CIM Dip I would definitely have gone!

We all do things which we don't think are "fun" because they matter to the people involved. I have sat through SO many nativity plays and school assemblies and dance shows and similar for my kids not because I desperately wanted to see a 3 hour show which my child was in for 3 minutes, but because it was important to my child that I was there and I wanted to support them. This is exactly the same.

Well done, I found the CIM Diploma exams so much more demanding than my undergrad degree. I'm currently doing a Masters and it's challenging too - but in a different way. I will absolutely be going to my MSc graduation.

I didn’t even go to my own graduation as I knew how boring it would be. Was sent my certificate in the post. Job done.

Is there no way you can do both ?

Well imo you call dibs on this and if he does go to your graduation he’d better do it with a smile on his face.
My dd did her masters part time whilst working, me, her dh and her gm all attended the graduation, it was lovely to celebrate her achievement.

If this graduation is important to you - and it sounds like it really is, for everything it represents (and congratulations!) - then it’s important to you. Whether other people find them dull etc is irrelevant. It may well be disappointing it clashes with something else, but that happens sometimes.

I would make it clear to your partner it’s a big deal to you, you’re sorry you can’t come to his party, but this is the choice you’re making

I get you OP. And your nearest and dearest should absolutely be there to cheer you on. It’s irrelevant whether it’s deemed “boring”. It means a lot to you so it should to your boyfriend too.

Go to your graduation. Can you bring a friend and book a hotel, make a night out of it? I missed my first one, regretted it. Went to my second one with my cousin. We went out for a meal and drinks the night before and went shopping after the graduation. It was nice. Congratulations 🎊

I went to one of my 3 graduations and it was boring! I wouldn't inflict that on my dh. I'd rather go to a party, as would he. He certainly wouldn't want to travel to the other side of the country to watch me and a 1000 other people pick up a piece of paper.

I’d go to the hotel and talk to your family about doing something else to celebrate your graduation like a meal at your house or something. Just because people don’t think graduation ceremonies (particularly for adults) are pretty dull does not mean they are not proud.

What a sad way to look at it. DH did a Masters and a similar qualification to OP's in the early years of our relationship and I was absolutely buzzing to go and celebrate his hard work at his graduations because ... I love him and care about nice things that happen to him?

I can't imagine you (or anyone, really) saying to a partner of significant standing enough you're invited to a work party - "god, why would I care or spend a few hours, it's YOUR achievement".

Graduations are boring, if there weren't any dressing up costumes and photo ops, nobody would bother turning up to celebrate 'academic achievement'

I assumed graduation would be quite boring for my boyfriend.
It would be different if we could sit together and I could say to him -oh that's x who helped me with that essay or y who we had drinks with.

But he'd be sat on his own. Pretty boring. I am attending as it seems right thing to do and say hello to fellow students and their parents (who will be my age) and maybe a few tutors then go Hone. The equivalent to me of a work networking event really!

I don't recall any ceremony for my chartered accountant qualification back in the day. Just came in the post!

Graduations are dull as fuck. I wasn’t going to go to my own, until a friend on the course begged me to, as she wanted me to come to dinner with her parents after! I didn’t have any family there.

I do think he needs to go alone to his work party and not mither you about not going with him.

But not attending graduation for a professional course especially - fine.

Graduations are very, very dull. Just a train of people going onto stage shaking hands with their qualifications being read out. I'd go with the party.

Oh God, I skipped my own graduation because it's just hours of waiting around.

Go to the party and have some fun! It doesn't take anything away from your achievement.

But it means a lot to her.
She said she found it more of a challenge than her actual degree. She also said that she didn’t get to experience her other university graduation. She’s not said it’s a university graduation once.

Congratulations OP.

Is there anyone else you can bring to your graduation ceremony?

What do you mean no one would bother?
speak for yourself.
most people, if they do graduate, will only do it once and therefore won’t know what the experience is like, so I think most people would, in fact, bother!

Well… he’s complacent then. you’re not his priority

be glad of the speed bump in buying something together, this guy isn’t invested in your happiness/success.

Interestingly although the majority of comments are saying OP is being unreasonable, the voting tells a totally different story…

Personally I would have absolutely zero interest in attending a partner's works party – watching a load of people you don't know getting drunk? I'd find that way more boring than a loved one's graduation.

Graduation ceremonies are a bit tedious but they're not about the entertainment factor, they're about marking an achievement which means a lot to you. @spuddy56 isn't forcing boyfriend to attend as some PPs seem to think, but she wants to go herself. Of course that's not unreasonable.

I agree with this.

Many congratulations OP on such a huge achievement.

Working and studying is such a slog and requires enormous self discipline.

I would be very disappointed in him.

Work do or graduation of someone you love who has worked so hard?
Should be an easy decision.

Whichever sounds more 'fun' or whatever, graduation came first and is more important. Congratulations! If it is the CIM Diploma, that's quite hard work. I'm sure your grandparents are very disappointed they can't come, what's the issue with trains?

Graduations are so boring, I traveled 5 hours for mine and wished I hadn’t. I’d go to the party instead

Yes, but I didn't go to mine (twice!) and regret it now.