Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

I'm another who was suprised how boring my own degree ceremony was so I never did my post grad one. I didn't see the po

Point! So I can see both sides

Your graduation ceremony is for you and it is important. Spa dates can be done anytime. Unless you've done a distance learning degree around full time work I think it's hard to appreciate just how hard you've worked for it - I know, I did it. You deserve your degree ceremony, it celebrates what you've worked hard for. Yes, it might be boring to others but you deserve your moment of pride.
I took my husband, my 2 year old (of course she doesn't remember!) and a friend who had also done the whole working full time, studying, parenting thing -so she got it -to my ceremony.
If I were you I'd either bring a friend who appreciates your efforts to achieve what you've achieved or go on your own and feel proud, because you should.

I'd be very upset if my BF didn't want to go to my graduation after all that hard work. His work will have another do next year, you are unlikely to be having another graduation.

I know its not a full uni course but I found it harder than my uni course in all honesty. I wasn't bothered about missing that graduation. Just really was looking forward to experiencing one in my life.

A work party with a load of people I don't know sounds as boring to me.

Well - I'm proud of you for doing this, and graduating, while working. And I don't know you! I do however have well over 20 years on the admin side of distance learning qualifications and know how bloody hard the students work, combining professional degree level qualifications with full time work. If no-one else will, and I can get to it, I'll come along and cheer for you.

That said, you need to sit down and explain how much this means to you. You've said you didn't manage to get to your degree graduation, so attending this is a big thing for you. Work Christmas parties come along, without fail, every year. A graduation is a one-time thing. As it means so much, I would go.

Also, if you really don't have anyone to take - speak to the graduation organisers. If I am any judge, they will have a standby list of people who wanted to bring uncle Tom Cobley and all to the ceremony, who would be only too glad to buy your tickets.

But as I said above, if it's within travelling distance of North Wales I'll come and cheer you on.

Oh, I assumed it was a degree, Masters or PhD....have I read it wrong?

Chartered institute of Marketing? I did their diploma in the 90s and didn't get to graduate!

Currently doing a Masters and I absolutely will be going to my graduation. It's the end of 3 years of slog.

Also very much disagree with the poster who says there is no bond with distance learning classmates. We have a very active WhatsApp group and weekly Zooms every Monday night. These people are my friends. It's sad that your boyfriend isn't as proud of your achievements and interested in attending. DH has already said to let him know as soon as I know the date of my graduation so he can book the day off work and plan a champagne lunch.

Graduation ceremonies are weird really. I mean we work to get qualifications for ourselves and we're rightly proud of ourselves when we achieve that.

But the idea of expecting other people to get involved in that personal choice, and sit for hours just to catch a 1 minute glimpse of that person getting what they wanted, is strange.

Fair enough if that person is the parent, I mean I went to all my kid's school stuff but I didn't go to anyone else's.

I didn’t go to my graduation and personally don’t think it’s that big a deal. Let him go to his party and you go to the graduation.

Nah you know where you stand in his list of priorities now
it doesn’t matter how boring pp think it’ll be, you want to go and you’re ready proud of yourself for it as you should be, he should want to support you.
you can go stay in a hotel another time. Surely his work are likely to do similar next year and the year after.
MN hate if you’re proud of yourself so you’ll get loads of people telling you how they didn’t bother going to graduation and they don’t expect barely a congrats from anyone else either, but that just seems a bit sad to me, it’s nice to take a moment.
sorry you’re not feeling the support from other people and you’re being let down.

i went to my Uni graduation as I was there with all my friends. Didn’t bother with my post grad. They are boring. I’d choose the work do.

I can’t believe he expects you to miss your own graduation, and to prioritise his work party!

He sounds a bit wet, if he wouldn’t go to his own work party on his own….

Thats such a kind message, thank you.

"Graduation" isn't just the ceremony though, is it? It's the meeting up with classmates, photos, lunch after. It's an occasion and a celebration.

Cannot believe some people are so miserable about celebrating academic achievement.

I am barely wanting to do my own masters graduation-it's early Sunday morning in January. My parents have the better deal, they can watch it on YouTube!

While graduations are actually really tedious it's your 5 minutes recognition of hard work.

That should be his priority.

But personally I would go to the party. (pressed too soon!)

I'm not miserable about celebrating academic achievement, I just don't think graduation ceremonies are the only way to celebrate it!

I did a law conversion course while working full time with a horrendous commute. I was proud of myself when I finished, DP was proud of me, it was many years ago but I think we had a weekend away? DP actually has done the CIM course and it was hard work juggling full time work and having a child. I was very proud of them, and we arranged a babysitter and spent far more than we usually would on dinner out with champagne.

But OP if the graduation ceremony is important to you, and that's part of how you want to celebrate your achievement, then explain that to your boyfriend.

The actual sitting down bit is expected to be 1hr 15mins to 1hr 30 so not horrifically long I don't think? Not sure how long they would be for a big uni.

Work do’s happen all the time - graduations don’t! Your graduation will trump any work do! Go and celebrate your hard work and success. Dump the boyfriend - his priorities are so wrong.

He should go to your graduation even if it is tedious as others have said. I think he's shown you where you stand in his life.

Your graduation is important to YOU. The ceremony won’t be long and then you could go do something lovely afterwards. It seems a bit shabby that your BF doesn’t want to attend. And he won’t go to his work party alone either, is he always so determined to be a misery?

Congratulations!

How disappointing for you that your people don’t want to go! I empathise because I also missed my BA graduation, decades ago, and couldn’t persuade any of my family to attend a more recent Master’s ceremony. In the end I took a newish friend who mainly wanted the fun of a new subject to photograph. So I have some nice photos. Haven’t seen the friend since.

I do think you and your boyfriend need to be more mature about this. There’s no need to live in each other’s pockets - why not go separately to your preferred events? It’s not on for him to throw a strop because you won’t accompany him. You’re still entitled to do things For You!

Is it really the cost of train tickets that’s putting your grandparents off? Or do they just not fancy a journey in the cold (and probably dark)? You could always offer to pay for their travel - and see if they come up with another excuse!

Although I suspect most of your fellow students will also be alone at the ceremony - and you might prefer to go and get drunk with them rather than looking after guests. I know I did …

Could you do both together? Go to the graduation and then drive up to the party? Sounds like perfect way to celebrate.