Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

I didn't go to my graduation because my parents couldn't attend, and I thought it wouldn't be my kind of thing. But I went to my daughter's graduation and it was a wonderful day - I was so excited and proud of her and totally enjoyed the whole day, seeing her in her robes collecting her degree. it was the culmination of many years of work and dedication (music degree).

Congratulations on your great achievement, I couldn't imagine refusing to go to a loved one's graduation if they wanted me there. Good grief an adult should be able to sit through a couple of hours of speeches/awards etc. without whinging about being bored.

You should definitely go. It is important to you, I can tell you are proud of your achievement and so you should be and you want you partner to share this moment with you.Graduations usually only happen once or twice in a lifetime. You can go to a hotel or a party any time. (For me 'spa' of any kind is my idea of hell anyway).

I'm sorry, but such situations show what he really cares about you 😥

For me 'spa' of any kind is my idea of hell anyway

I think it's code for "gets laid'.

and ceremonies to pick up professional certificates are not generally a thing.

Tell that to the Inns of Court.

(Although, who knows how things might have changed in the 21st century? World - Hell - Handcart - Etc …)

More understanding of your grandparents.

Depends on their age, health, the reason, and whether they agreed to you buying their tickets or even to pay for them or whether you did that on spec.

If I was your friend I'd come in one of the spare seats to celebrate your success and hard work. Ask your friends to come instead.

Do you live with this boyfriend? If not I'd be evaluating the relationship ASAP. If so I still would be but with a slightly different perspective.

Well I went to my multiple degree ceremonies except the one where they graduated me in absentia by mistake when they were meant to be bumping it 5 months to the next ceremony which did annoy me (when they send their alumni magazine asking for money they are definitely at the back of the queue 😂). I didn't try to make my family spend lots of money if they didn't want to go and we didn't buy multiple copies of the 'official' photographs and frames. I try very hard not to piss on anyone's else's chips - it's just not good behaviour is it? I agree with the person who said there were some sneary undertones from some people.

I don't know if my answer made it clear that I meant that not everyone who has multiple degrees doesn't want to go to the ceremonies and gets blasé about them but nor do I think that that one degree or not-degree but something worked hard for, that is more the norm for many people, is something to be blasé about. If the recipient wants to celebrate it whether it's the 1st or 4th degree, that is what their nearest and dearest should do. If not, don't pressurise them as some people don't like those occasions. OP it is a great achievement and even if you go on your own it doesn't matter it'll be a great day everyone will clap you and you will feel proud. Just enjoy it.

I just thought it would be nice to celebrate something I was so proud of doing with people I love but obviously I was wrong as no one wants to come.

I'm sorry, OP. How disappointing. You have every right to be proud of yourself. Studying alongside working full time is really challenging.

Those saying how boring the graduation ceremony will be and that they think a party and hotel sounds like a better deal are spectacularly missing the point. Sometimes we do things for the people we love not because it's fun or because it benefits us, but because we know it means a lot to them. If my DH had worked hard to achieve something and wanted me to be there to celebrate I would happily suck up a couple of hours of boredom to make sure he got to enjoy his moment, and he would do the same for me. Your DP will have a work Christmas party next year presumably, and every year after that, so I actually think it's really shit that he isn't willing to put you first on this one occasion.

I didn't try to make my family spend lots of money if they didn't want to go and we didn't buy multiple copies of the 'official' photographs and frames.

Oh whoops that's not what I meant and not aimed at the OP. I meant I didn't excessively chivvy people to go who couldn't afford it or wouldn't enjoy it, or have all the extra add-ons (c.f. every other wedding thread on Mumsnet for comparison), but everyone did want to come to more than one ceremony a few years apart, and we shared the basic costs fairly and that to me seems a normal reaction from loved-ones unless they really can't come for good reasons.

There are quite a few people who get a master's a year after their batchelor's degree and either they or their family don't fancy doing the whole graduation shebang again so soon, and that is understandable especially if it's unaffordable but that's a bit different.

CIM will be different to a uni graduation. I did CIPR and it was really good fun. Take a friend. Go out after. Have fun.

@spuddy56, your boyfriend is not that into you! He is telling you this with his actions. It's time for you to wake up and realize this and move on. Parties come around every year. Graduations do not. Don't equate your grandparents not coming with them not loving you. Everyone isn't and can't travel. Celebrate with those who can and DUMP HIM! You are not his priority! If you had kids with him, would he blow of their graduations because he wants to party? He is immature, BUT he is entitled to his feelings. He told you his truth! Act accordingly!

Make your own mind up. Make your own decision. Live with the consequences. Grow up.

Graduations are very boring unless it's your own or your DC

I'd choose a party 100% over watching my DH graduate late in life

I didn’t go to my graduation from medical school or my masters. I did go to the ceremony for my ‘just a professional qualification’ which was my specialist quals after ten years of training. It wasn’t really a great moment for me I felt relief rather than pride tbh.

But none of that is the point, is it? It doesn’t matter if graduation mattered to me, it matters to you. And so the people who love you need to recognise that and step up.

I’m astonished that so many people who don’t care about their graduation can’t see that it might matter to someone else and that they should be able to rely on their loved ones recognising that.

Something doesn’t have to be special to you to be worthy of recognition because it’s special to someone you love.