Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

The thing is - if you go by yourself, it may feel awkward as everyone else will have their families with them, so unless you know of others who are going by themselves, I would reluctantly not go.

This is terrible (and terribly weird) advice!

From experience and from the evidence of this thread it’s far more likely that a good proportion of the OP’s fellow graduands will attend on their own. And even if every single one of them arrived with their entire families that would be no reason at all for the OP not to go. She’s celebrating her own success - company isn’t compulsory!

He should feel really proud of you and prioritise your graduation and afterwards you can go for a nice meal/drinks somewhere to celebrate you will only get this opportunity once and you can go to a spa anytime. If he won't go he is showing you where his priorities lie and you should go yourself and celebrate your achievement with your course mates you deserve it, congratulations and I'm sorry your boyfriend is treating you this way

To me, a ‘graduation’ is when you’ve passed a degree level academic qualification linked to a University. Attending a ‘ceremony’ to receive a certificate isn’t graduating. It’s just a public event.
Ive attended 2 graduations for myself - the first when I left Uni with all my friends whom I had lived and studied with for 4 years - the second when I was in my 50s with my DH where no one else from my course bothered. I only attended that one because I got a paid day off work 😂. This one was so boring, DH couldn’t sit with me, cost me a fortune for hiring my gown and having photos. Thank god we didn’t pay for tickets.
Both of my DDs went to their graduations and had fun but neither bothered when they obtained their professional qualifications - they just had a day off work with their DHs and went for a swanky lunch.
OP, you have achieved your qualification whether you attend this ‘ceremony’ or not. I’m surprised you paid for tickets - I thought all students got 2 free tickets! As it was an online course, you’ll be in a city that has no connection - it’s not where you studied and lived with other students. Generally, students have to all sit together away from their guests, you have a boring speech from someone you’ve never heard of before, you walk across a stage then you go home.
I’d go to the works party, book an additional night’s stay in the hotel and make a lovely weekend of it.

Your graduation is a one-off, not an everyday occasion whereas work parties are every year so it would be graduation for me.

If he wouldn't come with me I'd judge him for it but not dump him.
Do you have a good friend that you can take?

He can go to the party if he wants - you are not joined at the hip.

To be honest I find my own work parties tedious. Someone else's are even worse!

It’s not advice, it’s a statement of fact. Who even celebrates getting a professional qualification all by themselves surrounded by strangers? That would just be weird.

Congratulations.

Don't catastrophise. It's unfortunate. Graduations are a bit boring compared to a party in a spa hotel. Everyone can stil be proud of you without attending the event.

But if you really want to go to your graduation - go! Take a friend. Have a lovely lunch afterwards.

I think you are being unreasonable calling this a graduation! You have passed a professional qualification, I have one, I am an accountant and I have never heard of graduation ceremonies for that and it is definitely a lot of work. I also didn’t attend my degree graduation thirty years ago and I didn’t attend recent masters graduation either, it doesn’t take away from my achievement.

You could almost be me, @Aprilx - but I hope I never write such an unreasonably joy-sucking post! Having missed my degree graduation decades ago I attended my wondrously grand and significant professional qualification ceremony with people I loved. And I was thrilled to attend my MA graduation, (for a completely different occupation) it felt like the biggest and best achievement of all.

It’s all about individual perspective. Either way, she will be surrounded by strangers as she doesn’t know his colleagues!

In scenario A, she has been personally invited to celebrate her academic achievement. Something she’s clearly proud of as it was difficult for her, there’s sentimental value. In scenario B, she has been asked to tag along as a +1 to her partner’s work overnight party on the other end of the country. There is zero sentimental value.

It would be more weird for her to attend the work party by your logic.

I wouldn't go to the work event, even if you don't end up at the graduation. It sounds like this is a rite of passage for you and whether it is "fun" or not it's significant to you and you should go.
The boyfriend will not graduate to husband, I suspect.

Graduation ceremonies are dull, dull, dull, I would choose the work party every time.
The celebration is yours, nobody else's, yabu in expecting people to want go and watch.

Congratulations, of course you should go to your graduation. My brother graduated recently and only informed me a few days prior to the graduation, I changed my plans to attend (it was his 3rd graduation) but he had been very sick prior to starting the new course. Like you he deserved the recognition he got at his graduation. We got lovely photos and had a lovely meal afterwards. There will be plenty of parties but you have only one graduation. Be proud of yourself, what you have accomplished and go and take that recognition, you deserve it. A big WELL DONE 😊😊

LTB

It's not a degree it's a course, I wouldn't stop him going to his work party for that. I can see why he would rather go there.

He’s really selfish, OP. Not least because your graduation was booked first. And not least because it’s a fucking work party.

She’s not stopping him. She just wants to go to her own graduation and this selfish man child is grumpy as he won’t go to his work party on his own. It’s a work party. This is an academic achievement that the OP is proud of. Why are so many posters minimising it for her?

You can go to a party any time and probably won't remember it anyway in years to come.

You will always remember your graduation!

Meh. Graduation is for other people. I’ve graduated twice, bachelors and PhD. The first was pretty ok as I graduated with a cohort and there were plenty of people to talk to etc. the second was less good as by the end of a phd people have dispersed a bit into different timelines.

Both graduations were for my parents who really cared.

I too am doing a degree apprenticeship, and will have the opportunity to graduate twice. I might go for the sake of my kids but I wouldn’t bother for just me and DH. Maybe for the MBA. But not the PGDip.

Graduations are boring as hell. One could argue you're being abusive by forcing him to suffer too when he has an actual chance of having a good time.

I'm not making that argument, but hey :)

I've also done the CIM and none of our courses had a graduation, a ceremony maybe but much more low key and certainly no cap gown and scroll etc!

I agree with the poster who said people are misunderstanding that it's not a university graduation, if it was I'd totally agree and think he should prioritise over the work party. But for this, no, just go alone or collect your certificate another way.

Why are so many posters minimising it for her?

Because they don't realise how difficult the CIM diploma is (I'm assuming it is the diploma).

He's not prioritised you at all

Because they don't realise how difficult the CIM diploma is

Ha! No. Some of us know exactly what it is, and have one, but didn't have or see the need in a graduation ceremony.

I'm surprised about the responses on this thread. Why is everyone telling OP it's not an important qualification or that graduations are boring? Surely the important part is that her DP (they've lived together 7 years, he's not some bloke she's just met) is being grumpy with her because she wants to do something important to her rather than go to a party with him? It doesn't matter what it is, the graduation means something to her, and he's not only saying he'd rather go to a party but also subtly pressuring her by acting as though her going alone is the wrong decision as well ie saying he won't go alone if she won't go.

OP if this is important to you (and it sounds like it is) then I would go. It's up to your boyfriend what he chooses to do in response but perhaps watch carefully as it may tell you what he thinks of you

What times the graduation and what times the party?

When you say other end of the country, are we talking Cornwall to Newcastle or London to Manchester?

I totally understand how difficult it is as I've completed it. It's a great achievement and something to be proud of, however, it's not a university graduation.