Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

I've graduated university at grad/postgrad level 3 times. Attended and enjoyed every one. I was the only one from my pgce course who went to that one (the others chose to teach that day whilst I had a very rare school day off - fools!). I guess not every one feels the same way about graduations so try not to be too offended. You should absolutely go and celebrate your success. Congratulations! 🍾

Congratulations on your accomplishment. If I were in the UK I'd go to your graduation AND blow loud on my vuvuzela when your name was called!

I think your BF is being a shit. There will be other work parties, but this may be your last graduation. I'd take a serious look at the relationship if I were you, especially where I ranked on his 'importance' list!

I think you are being unreasonable calling this a graduation! You have passed a professional qualification, I have one, I am an accountant and I have never heard of graduation ceremonies for that and it is definitely a lot of work.

I also didn’t attend my degree graduation thirty years ago and I didn’t attend recent masters graduation either, it doesn’t take away from my achievement. I had my own reasons for not going to my degree ceremony but I can understand why people wanted to go to that, a good reason to catch up with everyone again for a start. I don’t understand why you want to go to a ceremony for a course you did online though.

If this were a degree or masters graduation, I would have been on your side but frankly I think you are being a touch precious and over estimating the importance of a CIM qualification to other people. Go to the party.

It really does. MN at night can be so miserable! How dare anyone be proud of an achievement and want to celebrate it with their loved ones?

Congratulations, OP! Well done on the qualification. Hopefully, you’re able to get across to your DP how much this means to you.

I've never been to any of my graduations (BSc, MA, PGCert) and I've never regretted it. Equally, I've been to three of my mum's and they were important to her. It's not the ceremony/qualification that decided what's the right thing to do, it's the importance. If I had overcome a lot to succeed and my graduation was a big deal I'd be pissed off with my partner. If not, I'd go to the party and say it was my celebration so he's buying my drinks!

I can totally understand why you want to celebrate your hard work in gaining your qualification and it is a shame your loved ones don't want to celebrate with you. I loved my graduation ceremonies - the gowns, the photos, the sense of public validation of personal achievement.

The thing is - if you go by yourself, it may feel awkward as everyone else will have their families with them, so unless you know of others who are going by themselves, I would reluctantly not go. You may be able to sell the tickets back - worth asking anyway as there are often people who want more than the small number of tickets you're usually allowed.

As for the BF - well I'm not sure about the works do. Unless you know his colleagues and their partners I find them pretty tedious and I'm a social sort. And what's the point of a spa hotel if you're there for one night which presumably is a meal and the bar. I'd be asking myself why he doesn't want to celebrate your achievement with you. In fact I'd be asking him that directly. his answer will be enlightening, one way or another

Is it a full on graduation ceremony for a CIM?

I’ve never picked up any of my professional qualifications in person. Uni felt different - it was the end of a life stage.

This....

It's more about the achievement than the ceremony... BUT is hugely significant....

Boyfriend is being an arse.

PS
If you have no real attachments to your course mates...

Can you shift your ceremony??

It's completely possible.... I did... It wasn't advertised any where (unsurprisingly...)

I delayed my degree cos of serious illness (so all my friends had done the mortar board thing... 😁).

It was a much better day... June instead of December - I asked for a ceremony at one of the partner colleges... (in a cathederal 👍), that was closer to my elderly fam members who wantsd to come.

Worked out really well!

Graduation in day

Party at night

Do both

Go to your graduation with or without him, maybe ask around if anyone else you know would attend with you?

Do NOT go to his work party. Sorry but you will probably end up resenting him as the entire time you are with his colleagues, you’ll be thinking about the graduation that you’ve missed out on happening simultaneously. You won’t be impressed spending time with people you barely know all night at his work event.

Might be hard if it’s on the other end of the country though - could be hours of travelling in between

Go to your graduation.

Try and get a refund on any unused tickets pleading sick grandparents.

Remember this when boyfriend wants you to give something up to celebrate HIS achievements.

Remember this when grandparents expect you to help them.

I had a graduation from uni many years ago and can't really remember it. I also got a CIM degree level qualification and didn't even think about going to a ceremony for that. Most people don't know I even did it. I've done many courses and most people don't know.

I'd much rather go to a spa and works night out but if my partner had graduated and it was important to him like it is to you, I'd ditch the works do.

They can be proud of you and not want to attend a graduation! Have you been to a graduation before? They’re sooo boring. Painfully boring. You don’t need to participate in the official graduation ceremony, I didn’t even go to mine after going to someone else’s in my family and still to this day remembering it as one of the most boring events of my life! I had a night out to celebrate instead, way more fun! I’d personally go to his work party and use it to celebrate.

I think your graduation is more important. The fact that previous posters wouldn't enjoy a graduation doesn't mean that you wouldn't enjoy yours. The fact that you've worked hard over such a long period of time is important and worth celebrating... congratulations

OP would enjoy it as the Graduate. The people saying it’s not great for the audience have a point TBF.

I'm shocked at some of the answers here! He should go to your graduation because you've worked really hard and it's something you're proud of. Congratulations!

Post graduate qualifications are way more important and harder than a uni degree which loads of people have now, are not that impressive and don't seem to help you get a job - I can't believe someone said it's not even a uni degree!

I bet you feel great now OP having been shit on by DP and then shit on again by Mumsnet!

Please have a serious conversation with him about how important this is to you. Perhaps he hasn't thought it through properly. Is he usually quite good?

Congratulations again! Be proud of what you've achieved because it is very hard as you well know!

Graduations are quite boring. I missed mine for my first degree but went for my PGCE. It really wasn't worth it. The only nice bit is saying farewell to all your fellow students but as you were online I'm guessing you won't get to do this. My dh was at work and my kids didn't want to go so I took a mate. I kind of wish I hadn't bothered tbh. I wouldn't force your boyfriend to miss his work do but you go with a mate if you want to.

Definitely go on your own to your graduation. As you want to go you absolutely must (not everyone enjoys formal ceremonies so despite being proud and having worked hard some people don't attend their own). It's definitely not a case of "maybe even" go on your own - definitely don't consider missing it if you want to go just because your boyfriend wants you to go to his work do!

The boyfriend has told you clearly who he is and where his priorities lie so definitely listen to what you've learnt about how he sees you and your relationship, and decide whether you still want to be in a relationship with him.

It’s not a real graduation though? Just a work course? I don’t think it would occur to me to even invite my family to something like that tbh, much less expect them to miss their own work event.

CIM is not "just a work course".

Honestly, I think you should go to the party. Get dressed up and tell everyone there you just graduated, people will be drunk and happy for you, and you'll have a fab time. If I had been offered a free spa hotel on the same day as my graduations I absoloutley would have picked the hotel choice!

You may also be able to graduate at a later ceremony in the year If you chat to your uni

It’s not a “work course” no, but it also isn’t a graduation as that is a term reserved for the completion of academic courses, not professional ones. I think the majority of the posters who think boyfriend is in the wrong are thinking it is academic graduation. This is the completion of a professional qualification which most people do without a ceremony, to be honest it sounds like a made up thing to make money.

What does "other end of the country mean"? London to Scotland-might be a struggle (although not impossible). London to Liverpool-totally doable!!