Boyfriend wants to go to his work party instead of my graduation

[spuddy56]

I have a degree level graduation to attend for the CIM course I self funded and worked really hard on around my full time work. It was really tough to do, especially as it was all distance learning, and I'm so glad I got through. Unfortunately it clashes with my boyfriends overnight work party that I am also invited to attend. It is at the other end of the country and he is putting the pressure on to attend that instead as "its a free night in a spa hotel."
I booked the graduation tickets before we knew about the work party and was really looking forward to going as I missed my uni graduation due to being away on a scholarship course.

The whole thing is just a mess now and he is being really grumpy about it. Aibu to just say no to the party and maybe even go on my own?

My grandparents have also cancelled on me due to train tickets etc. So I've wasted over £100 buying tickets for everyone thinking they might be proud of me 😭

Cannot believe some people are so miserable about celebrating academic achievement.

But why would you go through hours and hours including hanging around waiting for the photos etc, to celebrate someone else's academic achievement (unless they're your child)?

These two are only boyfriend and girlfriend, they're not even partners/married.

Aww no, it’s not about whether the graduation will be more fun than the party. I don’t think it’s a nice way to look at it, so please ignore those comments.

It’s about you being proud of yourself and celebrating that you DID IT! It’s also about your boyfriend showing he is proud of you and your achievement too. I don’t think it’s very nice of him to put pressure on you to decide. He should be saying that he will, of course, go with you as he is so proud.

You graduating is much more memorable than a work party, and like someone else said, you can stay a a spa hotel any time. You cannot graduate any time.

Tell him how much it means to you and how disappointed you are that you don’t feel like you’ve made anyone proud and see how he reacts. If he still wants to go to the party then is he a keeper?

Because you’re proud of them and want to show how much you support and are proud of their achievements?

Can you afford to fly from grad to party? That would be nice.

You can be proud of them and not have to sit through hours of ceremony while they get their certificate though.

At the end of the day they're only doing it for themselves.

Well done. I did CIM certificate at age 40, and it was bloody difficult.

Call it what you like. We've been living together for 7 years and were buying a house together (until interest rate rises), have joint accounts etc.

There will be many more parties in your life.

This might be your last graduation.

Ditch him.

I cant believe how many people are playing down the qualification like it's something to be frowned upon to want to attend your graduation. If I had mine booked and was looking forward to it and proud of myself i'd be really hurt by my partner if he lashed me for a work party that came up after he already knew about my graduation. Understandably the party would prob be more fun as such, but it's not about that x

Really, have both , what is the problem?

I went to my first graduation (very hungover) so did my parents and grandparents, I was the first in my family to graduate so it meant a lot to them.
I didn't go for masters or professional qualification because it wasn't convenient and I'd done the qualifications for professionals reasons, so having them was enough. DH also has two degrees and a professional qualification and hasn't ever been to a graduation. I tried to convince him to go to the most recent but he really wasn't bothered.
If you want to go, go. Don't be pressured by him to miss it, you will resent him, given the length of your relationship yes it would be nice of him to support you but clearly he's not going to. Can you take a friend?

Congratulations, OP! YANBU. I am also graduating soon and will not miss the ceremony for anything - I booked tickets and hotel already, if for any reason DH can’t make it, I’ll just go by myself 🤷🏽‍♀️

Might be boring for other people but I want to celebrate by attending, meeting some of my colleagues and tutors in person… I can’t wait! Go and enjoy yours too 🥂

Some of you are missing the point. It’s not about what is more fun . OF COURSE a party is more fun than a graduation . But a graduation is more important and significant in someone’s life.

You don’t go because you think it will be fun. You go to mark the achievement of someone you love.

Graduation is way more important than a party. If it’s important to you then it should be important to him. There’s that old mumsnet saying “when someone shows you you who they are, believe them”. Will he always put his needs before yours?

I’d be disappointed if it was in the diary first and people are bailing out.
Go and celebrate your achievement otherwise you’ll regret it.

Really not sure why so many people are saying go to the party when normally there is 95% hate for socialising with work colleagues/work Christmas parties -never mind it not even being your own Christmas party!
Now I love to socialise with work colleagues (so not filled with hate for this) but would avoid a full company spa session so not sure why this sounds so appealing. Personally would be happy to pay to go to the spa another time instead of having to introduced to Bob from accounts and Helen from HR while you’re in the jacuzzi.

You sound a bit me me me.
Spa hotel party sounds a much better use of time. I don't feel a ceremony is needed for passing exams. Who said we should do them?

Cor that sounds a bit mean ☹️ The poor girl said even family aren’t attending with her. Bless her, now her boyfriend wants to go to a work do over celebrating something she’s worked for years to achieve. Shame xx

It comes across a bit bitter and jealous, doesn’t it? Poor OP! Even her grandparents now aren’t coming. Some people’s lack of sympathy is really sad

YANBU. It's far more worthy of celebration than a party with a group of people you've never met.

Congrats OP! Go to your graduation with or without him. Don’t be railroaded into missing it. He’s perfectly capable of attending a work party in his own.

I’d be questioning buying a home and committing to a partner who wasn’t proud enough to celebrate my life success because they wanted a hotel freebie instead.

Go to your graduation alone, you’ve worked bloody hard for that, be proud of yourself.

Congratulations on getting the diploma. It’s a hard slog whilst working. Your dp knew you wanted to go to the ceremony before the works party was even announced so he doesn’t get to be upset with you for doing what you want.

Hmm, tricky. I think I'd want to go to the work party. I'd be super proud of you but I'd rather celebrate another way. I think you should go to the graduation on your own and enjoy meeting your classmates. Let your boyfriend go to his party and let him enjoy himself! Then have a family celebration when it suits everyone. That would be more fun.

The alternative is being disappointed, angry and bitter. Why do that to yourself when you don't have to.

Graduation ceremony is overrated to me.

He will be really upset if I say no to the work party and probably will not go without me anyway. He really wants me to go to the work party, not just each do our own thing.

I would probably be wondering what I was with him for at this stage.