To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

That's a very fair amount.

He also needs to contribute to council tax as I assume your single person discount has been stopped.

I still think you'll be out of pocket!
It's not enough if you're paying for so much still x

Very fair.

In these circumstances it's a really fair amount.

Yep, my 18 yo pays £400 and earns less than yours. Perfectly fair imo

I paid my mum €500 after I finished uni and still lived with her about 15yrs ago. My take home pay was about €1300-1400. I moved out 4 months later (to move to the UK). So yes I'd say that's fair.

To add, initially I was annoyed about it but once she told me costs of everything - mortgage, utility bills, food etc I realised I was getting a really good deal.
On top of what I paid her I did also do the food shopping fairly often.

£900 of disposable income and no food costs every month is a lot for a 19 year old.

I don’t think I’ve ever had £900 a month just to spend on me in my life.

I think it's fair. Reality is you will have very little / no disposable income if you don't. He'll still have a couple of hundred a week to have fun with. I do wonder when you see 30 year old men living at home with their Mums doing laundry if they failed to charge them dig money.

The only thing to consider is if/when he moves out would you be worse off without the money he is paying you coming in or would the reduction in your outgoings make up the shortfall? If you’d be no worse off with him not there and not contributing then it’s not too much. But you shouldn’t be making a ‘profit’ off your own son, and you don’t want a situation where you become reliant on that extra money.

Also: he will have £900 spare but he’ll likely want to save that for a house deposit or similar if you ever want him to move out. The more he pays in ‘board’ the less he has to save.

I think the £350 and he sorts his own phone and music etc as that will enable him to build a credit score. If it all remains in your name he won't build the credit rating he will need later. I think the £350 is very fair and I am sure he will be getting his money's worth. He should be happy to pay this. My son pays £300 but he is saving hard for deposit and he does occasional child care for me and does his fair share around house so suits us both.

I'm 47 and my Mum always took 1/3 of take home. Seems fair to me. It's far less than it would cost to support himself.

I would probably need to take a bit more in that situation tbh. What's he going to spend his £900 a month on! I don't think loads of disposable income is necessarily good for young lads tbh.

Get him to start a pension straight away so he won't miss the money. When young and single its best time to squirrel money into pension. Also open a LISA if he wants to ever buy his own home as government top up your regular savings. I hope he is sensible as £900 is a lot of disposable income each week.

My outgoings would reduce massively once he moves out, I currently rent a 4-bed hour so each of my teens can have their own space, and as they move out I will move to a smaller and cheaper property. So although my income would reduce, so would my outgoings. £400 would keep my income the same as previous, only he would be contributing the £50 I spend on his phone and subscriptions rather than me paying for them. So i'd be £50 "better off" than when he was in college.

I want him to also have enough income at the minute to do things like his driving lessons which isn't something I can afford, and save where he can for his own place in the future.

I will be charging 17 year old ds £250 from January to cover food plus electricity (his half).

Any council tax once he reaches 18 plus private dentist he will have to pay himself.

I won't be making any profit but don't expect to.

Well like most adults he has to support himself ,if he was living alone or with friend,s would be paying a damn sight more then £400 ,or do you exiect the Op to starve or freeze todeath whilst her sons swans around living the life of riley ?

The job he is starting includes a good pension (NHS).

Ds earns less than your son plus has only just started working too.

I always think 20% is a fair amount, but that's if you don't need it/low costs. It sounds like all you are asking is for him to cover what you've lost since he became an adult, and that's entirely fair.

And my 20% wouldn't include phone etc so the total would be close to 400 anyways.

Seems fine. And explainable to him. Have you told him?

I think that sounds fair - generous even. I’d also ask him to start saving £300-£400 a month for a deposit on a flat. He’d have close to £15-£20k after 3 years.

This. I would never charge my sons to live at home (or, if I did, it would only be because I was secretly putting that amount away for them as savings).

My dd pays £500 a month and she pays for her phone, dog food, insurance, healthy pet club and her bus fare to and from work. Still has a lot more than me in the bank.

You will get people on here, say how can you make him pay for living at home.