To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

At 30 (20yrs ago) I was paying that to my parents for emergency board.
My salary was just under 1k per month at the time.
I'd say it's a very fair amount to both sides.

A single parent with adult children at home is one of few times I think it’s ok to ask for a financial contribution, especially now.

Slightly under £100 a week for rent, food, bills etc is a pretty good deal if he’s in a full time job and has no plans to move out any time soon.

I just knew there would be one

A very reasonable amount OP.
If anything, I would say it could be more. It will teach him to be responsible with money, understand the value and get him prepared for a chunk of his wages to go to bills.

I also think you should have him assume responsibility for his personal, as well as a credit card (not for the credit) to help build up his credit score.

My Auntie didn't charge her son a penny.
Money drips through his fingers like water - he's 50 and bankrupt, has no idea how to budget and still sponges of his now quite frail and elderly dad.
It's really sad to watch.

I think £400 sounds about right, and get him investing in an isa as well.
I gave my Gran £150 a month 30 years ago - she kept trying to give me some of it back, bless her.

Very very fair. MN is full of people who are happy to let their children live at home until they’re 50 and behave like their still 12… and also women who wonder why their other halves are useless…

In the real world everyone I know charges their adult DCs at home to some degree, be it a set amount or their DC pays one bill or does the food shopping for everyone etc.

Very fair I paid £400pm to my mum from my first job 17 years ago.

You sound like a lovely mum and I think this is totally fair. I hope you can encourage him to save a good chunk of what he has left so that he's able to use it for a deposit on his own place one day.

That’s fine but not everyone is in that fortunate financial position. £350 seems very fair to me.

🙄 yes, because at a time of financial crisis, we’ve all got money to squirrel away for our adult children.

i think it sounds very fair op.

I’m not charging that much but my circumstances are much more comfortable than yours and I have a partner. I think the £350 and get him to do his own phone is much better. My DS is hoping to move out and buy in a couple of years so he is very lucky to pay only £50 PW.

That is very fair. He can save and have driving lessons with the rest.

I think young people need to understand how much things are.

You sound like a condescending arsehole @Notthetoothfairy

Excuse me

If he rented a room locally it would probably cost him that for just room and bills so with food in he is on a good deal. Don't feel bad about charging him rent. He still has a huge amount of disposable income to spend every month. I am guessing you don't have £900 to spend solely on your own fun things.

He needs to learn to pay his way and budget. And congratulations to him on the job.

My dd saved it not me, she doesn't go out, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't buy loads of clothes.

This suggests you're in the privileged position of not needing to charge your sons rent and bills - some are not so lucky.

My ds is paying that to live at home whilst doing a foundation degree at college from his student Loan.

I'm also a LP.

This covers everything and I also still pay for his phone contract.

He also has 1 day off a week where he's at home so I'm using electric etc and of course I now pay his council tax.

I'm absolutely convinced to supply a roof, food, petrol, utilities, phone etc it's way over that. In fact - I know it is

But he realises he gets a good deal because he keeps his wages and I showed him how much living out of home whilst doing a uni course would cost him!

I would insist he takes over phone contract etc. It is a step towards financial independence.

Well done to your son. What’s the job that he is doing?

My mum's rule was 1/3 of our take home pay for board. Absolutely right he should pay his way and it is a good lesson to for him to learn.

what always amazes me is that the kids should want to contribute, no? I know I did. I felt proud handing over my first board contribution.

It sounds really fair and the way you've shared it here is totally logical. It also sounds like you've done a great job of supporting him as a single parent - I take my hat off to you.

Sounds fair to me. I would suggest though, doing a "basic" shopping list agreed by both of you and if he wants anything added to it (beer, toiletries etc), for his sole use then he pays you extra to cover the cost.

OP everyone's circumstances are different and contextual. Personally I wouldn't charge however that has no bearing on your decision - there's no right or wrong answer or judgement.