To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

Okay let's look at this then. All new cars have to be Electric with a cost of approx £30k. Plus charging point. Deposit for a house will take years to save for.
His generation is the first one in years that will be financially worse off than their parents. To be so spiteful that we begrudge how much our children earn is wrong. He did the right thing and got an education and is now earning a wage. In the future he will need to provide for a family. It isn't up to spiteful people on a forum to say how much disposable income a young man should have. If the poor lad wasn't earning, he would be vilified, because he earns more than his mum he is also in the wrong. Why do people have children and expect them to cover their costs. When the kids move out who picks up the tab then?

Some of us don’t get the choice as low earners on universal credit. As soon as the child leaves full time education you lose a huge amount of money. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect a working adult to contribute. If he were to move out he would be paying that AND buying his own food. My son is on the autistic spectrum and gets ESA and PIP. He contributes as much as I do because otherwise we wouldn’t survive.

Dont be utterly ridiculous ,the op has said if he moves out ,she would down size saving her rent and saving in utilties ,this is a fully grown adult eaning a full time wage ,if he was to move out he would have far less then £900/ month 🙄

The irony in you calling those who live in the real world spiteful....

Good for you you can afford it then, well done you. Meanwhile back in tne real world I can't imagine there are many working adults who can afford to support an extra working adult to.

£400 is what we charge 18 year old DS who is on a similar wage.

He didn't even blink when we asked for it.
Probably because he realises that this is actually a very good deal (it would cost him at least double to live in a room in a shared house independently and then he'd have to do things like all his own cooking and laundry, rather than these being shared tasks).

Hebsint your partner, he is your son and to say £900 I enough for him is not your call. You need to get a job that pays more because if he moves out you are screwed.

Surely if OP's DS thinks that £900 is not enough for him, then it's up to him to go out and get a job that pays more?

He doesnt earn more than me. I have a good job, but due to being a single parent my shift time are limited for now so i only earn basic pay. I currently rent a large 4 bed house so each teen has their own room, once he leaves, we will move to a 3 bed, then a 2 bed when there's only 1 left or i am on me own. My outgoings will reduce massively as rent on a 4 bed is massive. I have considered the future. All that i have explained numerous times.

If he refuses to contribute, then i will have to look at downsizing sooner, and he would have to look at renting his own place or a houseshare sooner. However, at the minute, he is more than agreeing to £400.

I asked on this post because i felt like a terrible parent, but realistically asking him for that much money is better than asking him to move out as i need to move to a smaller place, surely?

I asked on this post because i felt like a terrible parent

You don’t come across like that at all on the whole. You sound like someone who thinks they are doing the right thing and with not earning a high wage, you’ve explained that there’s no choice but to charge this amount anyway. What would you have done if everyone said you were unreasonable? You can’t pay your bills without charging around this amount. So....?

I think you knew how this thread would go, mostly people saying well done to you and making shitty digs at others who don’t charge as their kids are apparently doomed and heading for financial failure.

Unpleasant and pointless. But I think you knew what you were doing.

He’s an adult though… why it be fair to take more than is needed purely because he’s a “young lad”?

That's about what I earn and it would be a dream to only pay out that much every month. Can I come and live with you?

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/benefits/housing_benefit_deductions_when_living_with_non_dependants

this gives the table of what a non dependant should be contributing, its variable depending on what they earn and your UC etc will be based on these same amounts

£400 is less than he is required to contribute at £106 per week for his gross earning which works out at approximately £459 per month

His room is there and you would pay for it and the rent regardless and I understand you lose your UC and CB but you would have used that for other things such as his clothing and school dinners. Which you won’t be doing now.
I would say ask for:
what you lose in single persons council tax
half utilities
half food and household goods shopping
then add £100 or however much to get the total he gives you to £400 and you should put aside for him should he wish to make a large purchase in the future such as driving lessons, a car or property deposit.

I think£400 a month is very fair. I would also encourage him to save £400 into a lifetime ISA for a deposit. Having £900 disposable income at 19 will give him a false sense that life will always be that easy. If he can get used to living on less that will be a good lesson for him in financial self control

Very fair - £400 is what I am proposing to charge my son who started his first job a few months ago . Since he left uni and moved back my costs are up way more than that ( council tax , food , utilities )z

You sound like a great mum @mumofteenss

Why cant he put a,money aside for himself ,with the £900 disposable income he gets ,you know ,like all adults?

Depending on the ages and sex of her other DC and whether she gets help with the rent as part of her UC, the OP could now be subject to the "bedroom tax". That shortfall has to be paid somehow.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/housing/bedroom-tax/

That's fair he still has a considerable amount for daily expenses and any he wants to save.

Household income is calculated by the household income so his income will be taken into consideration for your UC and CT award.

You so sound like a fantastic mum. A young adult contributing financially to the household teaches them about responsibility and transitions their role from child to adult. Something that is very important in my opinion, especially if they still live at home.

You are not being unreasonable. It would cost him far more to live away from home with cost of utilities etc. I think it is more than fair - if he leaves you would have to pay extra council tax for the spare room; therefore, I think it would be reasonable for him to pay £450 and sort out his own phone and gadgets.

If I was a young person I'd rather live in a house share on my own for that amount. And yes, I looked on that share site and there were plenty around that price or a little more than included utitilies.

I did move out to my own place as soon as I was old enough to rent somewhere.

I wouldn't charge my children and I wouldn't more than a token amount either. Neither of them stayed until they were 40 either!

They both have their own places and have for quite a few years.

You're going to have to downsize or earn more sooner or later so might as well do it now instead of depending on your child to replace government benefits you've been receiving all these years.

OP you are being more than reasonable. You sound like a lovely, supportive mum doing your best by your boy. Ignore the ignorant ‘I would never’ comments on here.