To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

I think paying for some food would also be appropriate.
I think £400 even if you didn't have to recoup supporting him for 6 months would be perfectly fair.

Lucky ,you not everyone is as fortunate as you though .

Sounds perfectly fair to me. I am considerably older than your son and that's roughly what I earn. I'd love to have £900 a month left!

My dd was paying £190 a week for a house share in Wales, when she was at Uni. She came back started 2 jobs and was giving me £200 a month. Now she has a better job and she was the one who said she would give me £500 a month, that includes everything.

OP, you sound like an amazing mum who works so hard for your kids. I am in awe. You have a plan and asking your grown up son to contribute to the family is the right thing to do

I remember when i first qualified as a nurse in 1996 j was earning about £850-950 a month i moved back in woth my patents for a coyple of years after living out as a student ,on my £360 / month student bursery i was paying rent of £150/month and then my share of utilluties ,when i moved back in with my mum and dad they charged me £130/ month plus my share of the phone bill even then i realised what a ridicously cheap deal i was getting ,i was loaded ,the onlt time innmy life i vould br care free with money

I'm glad you have flagged this some people's salaries are £800/£900 a month and they have to run a whole household. I'm not sure how anyone can't see past their OWN privileged self and salary just because that's not the case for them.

If I was a young person I'd rather live in a house share on my own for that amount. And yes, I looked on that share site and there were plenty around that price or a little more than included utitilies.

depends where you live surely? A room in a shared house with utilities is a minimum of £600 round here and that wouldn't include food, miscellaneous household items (loo roll, washing up liquid ...), netflix, spotify or random lifts to places.
If OP is in an area where £400 is the market rate for the same thing as she's offering, I agree she may wish to rethink.

Someone suggested keeping a spreadsheet of the costs and his contribution.

It occurred to me that if you kept this up to date weekly/monthly together he could see where all the money goes which would help him understand budgeting for a household - great for the future!
(Also might make him unprompted buy the odd bag of shopping or treat you to something as he'll realise that he's on a great deal and he can afford to treat you now 😜.)

@mumofteenss please be assured that the majority of people would do the same thing.
For all those posters who would never charge, I’m hoping their DC don’t grow up entitled and feel that they can still ask their parents for help when they can’t manage their finances!
I charge my DS the same, we had a conversation about it , I believe he asked his social group and they told him it was good value!
I’m in a slightly different position in that I can afford to put some of that ‘rent’ money away for him but appreciate that not every one can. We’ve had to refit a room in the house as he is now wfh and part of his rent money has been used to fit it out as he needs it - I don’t feel guilty that we’ve used that money as it is benefiting him directly. When we have a takeaway (about once/twice a month) I always say that this is courtesy of DS to the family as otherwise we couldn’t afford it, so he sees what his money is paying for!
His rent money also pays for the proper cheerios rather than Aldi special cheerios (I’ve no idea how he gets through 2 packets a week but he’s a teenager!😂) so he’s happy 😆
Keep doing what you’re doing - you sound like you are supportive and are doing the best you can in these times 👍

I LOVE that you making it obvious what his money goes to.
Real Cheerios are really expensive 🤣. Luckily mine prefer the Tesco version!

I think, given your circumstances and the loss of income now that he is working, £400 is a very reasonable amount.

I wondered why you were asking. Have you mentioned this to him and you get the feeling he thinks it is too much? If so, in the big, wide world out there if he had no Mum and home to go to he would be paying much, much more than that for accommodation, food, etc. - and it probably wouldn't be particularly comfortable accommodation either.

Even if a parent could afford not to ask for "keep", I think it is unwise. We didn't ask our son for any contribution and it was a long time before he became responsible with money because he had no concept of what things cost or of the importance of saving. He has now, but a lot of money was initially wasted.

Sorry, I should have read the whole thread. I now see that your son is quite agreeable to this arrangement.

You are in no way a "terrible parent" and please ignore some of the spiteful comments on here - possibly from people who have never had financial difficulties and who can only see the world through their own narrow experience. I am sure the majority of people think you have done a marvellous parenting job. You son is doing well and behaving like a well adjusted adult - sensible and respectful enough to appreciate that what you are asking is more than reasonable. You have brought him up to be as he is, and you should be proud, not anxious.