To think a grandparent should want to spend time with their grandchild/grandchildren?

[Woopwoo]

I understand grandparents shouldn’t HAVE to babysit grandchildren but why would they not WANT to (if they are physically able to do so)?

There are lots of threads on here from parents who struggle to get childcare due to various reasons, one being that grandparents can’t/won’t help out.

When I was younger I used to love going to my grandparents houses for dinner/sleepovers and they were always just as excited as me!

My parents don’t bother with my children and I feel really sad for them. They never ask to have them round at their house for dinner and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times they have had a sleepover (they are primary aged children)

If my children choose to have their own children when they grow up I would love to be the grandma and do lots of activities with them and have them for sleepovers! I just don’t understand why so many don’t?

It is sad. I had a wonderful relationship with my DGM growing up, she is alive now and truly my best friend. It's such a special relationship.

DW and I have no children yet but I know my mum won't be very interested. However PIL are brilliant :-)

I don't think grandparents should feel as if they need to do childcare but I think it's really sad when they don't make an effort to build any form of relationship at all.

@forlornlorna1 I’d say my Dad has looked after my DD as many times as my Mum. In all honesty he’s probably better at it, as he’s a lot more laid back with her. DD’s definitely learnt her love of the outside and gardening from him. DD went to their house recently to help him move wood for the winter, which I thought was pretty sweet for a 20yo to do.

My father died when I was 13 and we moved to a city because my mother had to go out to work.When I asked if I could go back to visit my paternal grandmother in our old town she told my mother that there was no point as 'we had nothing in common.' I've often wondered if that was aimed at me or my mother (whom GM didn't like at all for marrying her golden boy) for taking us a couple of hundred miles away.

One set of grandparents provide childcare for work and have sleepovers. The other set of grandparents see them every few months and rarely babysit. The children have very different relationships with their grandparents. The children are very close to the set they spend time with. Shy with the ones they barely see. You get back what you put in.

PILs couldn't give a damn about ours because we wouldn't dance to their tune anymore - we had our own life. Even when we did go there, they didn't actually do anything with them either, they were just used to parade to the neighbours 🙄

It's a shame some families aren't closer. My best memories from childhood were staying with extended family. It was a real treat and we looked forward to it so much. I don't have kids but my mum looked after and had my sisters kids all the time as did I. They loved and still do love staying with me and their granny.

These grandparents who don't help out or mums who say they won't help with future grandchildren, will you expect help in your old age?

Love my inlaws,they looked after both my kids and enabled me to go back to work.
My kids have such a great relationship with them and they are very close.
My DM was never much bothered and it used to upset me as I never had any Grandparents growing up.
It was such a relief to have someone on hand when the kids were sick or needed picking up from school etc to know I could rely on them.
I really feel for parents on here who have no support and rely on childcare.
I hope to have Grandchildren and will be retired by then,I will certainly offer my services if needed.

My parents adored my kids and wanted to spend time with them when they were sick with cancer/post stroke/open heart surgery. I think I’ll be the same.

I'd never expect regular childcare, but what I wouldn't give for occasional babysitting!
I really hate the "I've done my bit" thing my mum likes to spout. I don't think it's true, parenting is a life long commitment and that includes being a supportive grandparent imo.

I don't know. My dad took a week off work to do childcare when my daughter had chicken pox. They didn't even live with me and she had to go and stay with them. I was very grateful.

Interestingly my parents, who are grandparents to grandchildren between 4 and 10 years old are in their mid seventies. When I was 8 my Grandma was late 50s and my great grandma was, I think, 82. So actually my parents are closer in age to my great grandparents when looked at from the grandchild’s point of view. No wonder they are less keen on childcare ;)

My inlaws always did childcare as a team @forlornlorna1 . MiL might have been in charge but FiL was definitely put to work.

I have a full on job and hired a nanny when my DCs were young. I didn’t expect my DCs grandparents to do childcare and I don’t provide childcare for my DCs unless it’s an emergency. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my GCs. Just that I don’t have the time and looking after small children isn’t my skill set or something I enjoy.

I am at the age when my friends are starting to aquire grandchildren and I am very pleased I haven't got any yet. In fact, I hope I don't get any if I'm honest. I had a very relationship with my maternal grandmother but - sorry to say, I feel I have done my bit and want some child-free time now. The fact I had a split family (oldest nearly 30, youngest 15, middle one autistic and very difficult) might explain this though. I have been child rearing for nearly 30 years with time to go still! I also couldn't be bothered with the ridiculous rules and demands that seem to go with looking after children nowadays either

Lots of interesting views!

There are alot of messages saying, “I’ve done my bit”. How sad.

Fair enough, you have “done your bit”, but to have zero interest in any 1-1 time (I’m not talking about regular childcare) with your own biological grandchild/grandchildren is pretty awful. I’m not talking about sleepovers/weekends away, even a 1 hour trip to the park sounds grudged by a lot of these posts.

Other posters have mentioned you reap what you sow and I completely agree with this. I hope the grandparents who have “done their bit” don’t expect too much from their family when they need help.

I think it's very easy to judge other people. My mother wasn't great at babysitting or offering to have my children, and I used to think she could help me out a bit more.

Now that I'm late 50s, still working full time and so tired most of the time I can't imagine offering to look after children for someone. It would be my worst nightmare. I don't have grandchildren yet and frankly could not care less if I ever have any. If you aren't struggling with menopausal old age then you genuinely can't judge how keen you might be with grandchildren.

Both my grandmothers were housewives in their 50s when I was a child. They lived near by and were around for after school care whilst my parents worked.
My own children lived in different counties to the grand parents who all worked into their 60s so were less available for more than visits.
I expect it will be the same with any grand children I eventually have.

Another point to remember is a lot of grandparents will still be working. Younger grandparents may well still be paying mortgages. Renters still have rent to pay. The pension age for women has gone up to match men's. Low income older people still need to work after pension age too.
I will be working until well past that age. Available time may well stop some being able to help.

Interestingly my Mum is beginning to head into this stage and suddenly expects me to be at her beck and call for stuff after not being an involved or interested grandparent to DD and other GC despite having loads of free time and not being that old when the first lot were born. I had severe PND and she never even came near us.

She was also very disapproving of her friends who were involved GPs. Now she can't understand why they have loads of family time, fun together and support whilst we barely see her.

My parents offered to take care of my children when I had them, rather than me use a nursery. My in laws also helped. My in laws loved it and jumped at every opportunity whereas my parents very obviously came to resent it. It spiralled on their side despite covid meaning we no longer needed their help in the way we once did and they eventually decided to go NC with us. All very upsetting, but I truly think it started from them not wanting to look after the kids anymore and feeling that I owed them no matter how much I tried to show how much I appreciated it and tried to repair the relationship. If I had my time again, I would have given up work or found a job at nighttime etc. my daughter was too ill in her first years to have realistically used a nursery but I wouldn't have relied on my family given a second chance. Financially saved me, but now I have no family so came at a huge cost in other ways

I was practically co parented by my nan.she had a little job as a tea lady back then .I would go with her.obv I know this is unusual. My dm loved babysitting evening weekend, I was a sahm so that worked out well .would go shopping together. My friend works 3 days and has twin grandaughters she has them on both days off and often weekends as well.she is tired but doesn't want to refuse them.small children are wearing and often forget how much

YANBU. I find it totally bizarre when grandparents have no interest in seeing their grandchildren.

My Mum was always great with my kids, but she is in a home now with dementia. Back in the day she moved specifically near us so she could be a hands on grandma. She used to really buy into the kids made up games and it was amusing to watch her build forts and things with them. It’s more than 10 years ago now, but I have some fond memories of this time. Sadly the kids don’t really remember much though. I know she enjoyed it, but it was tiring so her help and involvement was done on her terms, what she had energy for, and that was fine.
My dad, on the other hand retired v early, but never took any interest in his grand kids. He lives some hours away but never really phones or sends them postcards or asks for photos. I keep vaguely in touch but don’t say much about what the kids are up to. He doesn’t seem to mind. He’s the same with his other grandchildren. He did say himself that he isn’t much of a grandfather!😵‍💫

I get not wanting to commit to regular childcare work having the energy for sleepovers but those grandparents who don't even want to spend time With the children with parents around are a bit weird.

Probably not much of a loss to have disinterested GPs I suppose. Like others said, just don't expect anyone to want to spend time with you later in life, if that's the case.