stuck into giving lift to close friend

[gloriamoi]

Live in small town and have 2 mates. We meet every friday and saturday night at Jane's flat and chill out. Problem is that Susan now,who doesn't drive, has moved about 2 miles away and needs a lift home every time. It's 2 miles out of my way-adding about 10 minutes on to my journey home.

Starting to feel resentful over this but don't have it in me to say no. I'm thinking of just not joining them anymore.

Entirely up to you. We can't choose for you. To me 10 minutes is nothing if you want their company. If 10 minutes is that big a deal I guess you don't really want to hang out. if its a financial issue then ask for petrol money.

I'd do that, 10 minutes is nothing if you're driving your car anyway. If it was more like half an hour added to my journey I'd be reconsidering. If you're close friends isn't it just extra time to natter at the end of the evening?

Why is it always Jane's flat you go to? Could you alternate, and then you'll only be giving a lift 1 out of 3 times?

Start sharing a taxi ?

Weird that you can't say no but you can pull the plug on the whole thing. Just say no if you don't want to do it. She can get a cab. Don't make a big deal of it, be breezy, you want to go straight home. She chose to live there so must have methods of transport planned that don't involve relying on you.

Can you just skip a week or two and see what she does? Or walk for a few weeks (I appreciate this isn’t as easy in winter though and you may live too far out)? Just something to get her to take responsibility for her own transport because it sounds like a very one-sided arrangement. Once she’s got a taxi a couple of times you can start suggesting it when you’re there. “have you called your taxi?” “What time is your taxi coming?” etc. If she still tells you she expects a lift, then make that decision about not going.

I just don't understand your attitude if I'm honest. I have a friend who doesn't drive and who lives about 3-4 miles from me. I like her a lot and so will always give her a lift. I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't if you are friends.

Why are you so resentful?

Just say no or "oh sorry I don't have enough miles in the tank to do that extra journey." Hardly unbelievable at a time we are living in. I wouldn't mind doing the lift but I would expect some petrol money towards it, it all adds up.

It's 10 minutes. That wouldnt be a problem for me. Why would you sacrifice your nights with your friends over this?

Why don't you alternate where you host your nights so sometimes Susan and you host somatures? Or if money is the concern ask Susan for petrol money

10 minutes away and close friend?

I would do this for a close friend.

If she's a close friend as you stated in your title then why wouldn't you give her a lift?
10 minutes is nothing.

And yes, if you're resentful over the money, then just be honest and say that you need a contribution towards petrol.

Or alternate meeting at each others houses?

Or alternate meeting at each others houses

Susan lives with her sister who has young kids in her sister's house so can't accomm and I live with parents.

The time and petrol wouldn't bother me. The assumption and expectation that I'm always doing it would. But then I can be petty.

It’s only ten minutes. I would see that as a nice way to spend an extra ten minutes with a close friend. It feels a bit extreme to give up seeing them altogether over a ten minute drive.

The assumption and expectation that I'm always doing it would

yea there's a bit of that

I get you - it's the assumption that you'll do it and the fact that you carry the cost and extra time for her choices.
Do you ever want to drink ? If so you could suggest that lift friend pays for the taxi on those occasions.

Why do you resent giving your friend a lift? If Susan doesn't drive then I'd have no problem giving friend a lift.

Can I add it's 2 miles each way so altogether about 4 miles out of my way.

Do you ever want to drink ? If so you could suggest that lift friend pays for the taxi on those occasions

i don't drink.

I couldn't get annoyed about 10 minutes in a warm car for a friend.

it's the assumption that you'll do it and the fact that you carry the cost and extra time for her choices

yea it's that and also the money. I'm not working either but there's no way I could ask.

I could understand cutting down a bit, or asking for petrol money, or saying you can't come everytime, or can't give a lift every time but just not going anymore feels like a disproportionate response if this is something you've previously enjoyed and that was important to you.

Maybe Jane feels resentful that she has to host all the time. Could you meet somewhere else sometimes? A bar for a meal or a dessert parlour type place. If it's on a public transport route then Susan can get home under her own steam