stuck into giving lift to close friend

[gloriamoi]

Live in small town and have 2 mates. We meet every friday and saturday night at Jane's flat and chill out. Problem is that Susan now,who doesn't drive, has moved about 2 miles away and needs a lift home every time. It's 2 miles out of my way-adding about 10 minutes on to my journey home.

Starting to feel resentful over this but don't have it in me to say no. I'm thinking of just not joining them anymore.

I think you're sounding a bit entitled. If you want to keep meeting up, I'd give her a lift. I'd also question why as a 3 you don't do something else? Meet for coffee during the day, walk and chat? Sit on park bench and share picnic lunch

why am I entitled? Susan isn't contributing anything towards the meet that I benefit of. Surely it's great to have her there but why should it be my responsibility to taxi her? Where is the entitlement?

I am busy helping parents during the days and Susan and Jayne are busy too, we only have Friday and Saturday nights. It's dark and cold so we aren't going outdoors.

How on earth is OP entitled?

Also, I’d like to add that many non-drivers seem to think that petrol is free or that if you’re driving somewhere going a bit further costs nothing and you’re driving anyway, aren’t you?

Or that the car has petrol in already anyway and you’re not costing them anything extra (said with dripping sarcasm!)…

this must be a reverse, no one could be that miserly

Friendships always confuse me. I am autistic though so see it through different eyes. However I can't imagine giving any thought at all to giving a lift to a friend. Even with the expectation. If it was a true friend. I suspect you can't like her that much, or is this kind of thing common in usual friend groups? I choose to have very few friends but I would do anything to help those few.

I don't get the concept people have that it's "only 10 minutes". Assuming OP and her friends don't all live on dual carriageways or motorways, it's four miles at 30 or 20 mph, plus stops and slowing down at junctions and for traffic lights, plus a bit of delay dropping friend off and turning. It's going to be significantly more than 10 minutes every week on any interpretation.

So, you dont meet up for dinner or anything? You just drive over with your own snacks and sit watching TV for an hour, and then drive home?
Two days in a row?
Dont any of you have other things to do at the weekend?

Why dont you make proper arrangements for one night a week, so it lasts a bit longer and doesn't mean driving round twice?

It just sounds a bit like friends popping into each other's houses on the walk home from school for 10 minutes of pointless chatting just to avoid homework etc. Are you all quite young?

So you just go over to another person's house to eat snacks you brought? Twice a week? Odd

I said we don't eat anything, I bring snacks to her the hostess and eat nothing. Aagh this thread has become lost in irrelevance, I'm out.

Op, I have a non-driving friend who just expected me to do the driving and never offered petrol money.

I should have asked for petrol money but I dealt with it by just stopping doing things (e.g. a 2 hour trip to Bicester Village).

Please just stop the lifts, don't deny yourself a catch-up at this other friend's house.

How much does it cost to drive for 10 minutes?

When you're not working and are cash strapped, you might only put £10/15 of petrol into your car a week.
Maybe you sit with a quarter tank most of the time and only 80 miles left on it. Every week, giving 8 miles of that to someone really isnt OK. It is not miserly to say that she just cant do it, as this friend doesn't seem to want to pay towards it.

For those mentioning contribution to fuel, let's calculate the actual costs. I assume OP is driving something far more efficient than mine but let's start with my behemoth which is a 4.4L V8 that does 25mpg. At 4 miles per week, it'd take 6 weeks to use a gallon. Price of petrol round here is about £1.65 so a gallon is £7.50, making the extra weekly cost £1.25. For a diesel with the same consumption, the prices are £1.85/L, £8.41/gallon and £1.40 per week.

If OP's car is much more fuel efficient than mine and she gets closer to 40mpg, which is still worse than what many smaller cars can get, it'd take 10 weeks to use a gallon so the extra weekly fuel cost would be 74p for petrol or 84p for diesel.

This might either alleviate some of the additional cost concerns or help any discussions regarding a reasonable level of contribution towards cost of fuel. Obviously, this is only the extra miles. For a true sharing of costs, you'd need to base it on the total miles.

Hi op. It seems a shame to cancel this if you enjoy it. I would message Susan and tell her as you’re off work and petrol etc is so expensive now and giving her a lift is a regular thing then if she wants to keep getting lifts then she needs to contribute. Then tell her a fair cost.

If I was getting a regular lift, i would contribute to petrol or in some other way. Maybe if she doesn’t drive, she doesn’t understand just how expensive driving a car is.

Ach women need to learn to drive, then there wouldn’t be these issues.

If it's a small village can your walk or cycle to Jane's house? Then you won't have your car so no issue with giving a lift. Suggest Susan cycles too.

10 minutes to drop a friend home? I'd absolutely do that for a close friend, in fact I'd even do it for a-not-even-that-close-friend 😛

For a friend, I wouldn't mind. If I was the one being given a lift I would definitely show my appreciation in some way, give petrol money now and again or buy a gift etc.

Doesn't sound like Susan could afford to learn to drive, let alone afford to run a car.

Yes because everyone has enough money to get lessons then own and drive a car.

WOW 10 mins !!! Seriously do you really find this an issue?

I’m surprised that no one is bashing Jane for being an adult child and not being able to get herself somewhere. Most non-drivers on here insist that they can happily live without a car.

I think that if any of you were the person that has always got themselves around without relying on others, you’d also be pissed if others couldn’t do the same and relied on you and your kind nature to help out for free all the time.

As a younger teen I had a very expensive sport activity at the weekends. I had to get up at 6 and get 2 x buses to reach the venue. My mother never gave me a lift- even in rainy days- or offered a penny towards my transport or hobby. As a 13 year old I had to babysit as often as possible to finance it all- bringing out the violins now! 🎻

My friend can't drive because she's blind.

I’m surprised that no one is bashing Jane for being an adult child and not being able to get herself somewhere.

Maybe others posters realise that there are many reasons why some people can't drive?

Maybe Jane should be resentful that it's always her house you meet at?

Seriously. A ten minute drive for a friend?

OP you haven't said how long your journey home would be without the detour. If you live in the same place as Jane, couldn't you start cycling/ walking to these soirees? Then Susan would need to make her own arrangements.
For the PP who attempted to calculate the cost of fuel, it's 8 miles per week (not 4) and even if it's a relatively small cost, it adds up, and isn't sustainable if the OP has zero income.