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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stuck into giving lift to close friend

295 replies

gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:03

Live in small town and have 2 mates. We meet every friday and saturday night at Jane's flat and chill out. Problem is that Susan now,who doesn't drive, has moved about 2 miles away and needs a lift home every time. It's 2 miles out of my way-adding about 10 minutes on to my journey home.

Starting to feel resentful over this but don't have it in me to say no. I'm thinking of just not joining them anymore.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 07/11/2022 09:39

I wouldn’t have a problem with this, it’s not the same as being committed to giving someone a lift to/from work when it might not always be convenient.

Schnooze · 07/11/2022 09:39

Miss out going the odd night so that when you do give a lift, she appreciates it. Then ask for her share if the petrol. Just say you can’t afford it. Ask her would she rather make her own way home or contribute to your petrol?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 07/11/2022 09:40

We pay for the things we want. Be it a new dress with ££ and in your case with 4 whole miles for her friendship. For me and my friends, that would be a no brainer. I would drive. Perhaps your feelings of friendship are rather weak for this person?

MaggieFS · 07/11/2022 09:41

Actually that's a better shout that she provides the snacks. Don't even need to ask for money. One on snacks, one on venue and one driving.

Playingchesswithpigeons · 07/11/2022 09:44

Most people wouldnt bat an eyelid driving their "close friend" 2 miles home at the end of an evening. It does seem odd you're complaining about this very small gesture.

Peashoots · 07/11/2022 09:47

Playingchesswithpigeons · 07/11/2022 09:44

Most people wouldnt bat an eyelid driving their "close friend" 2 miles home at the end of an evening. It does seem odd you're complaining about this very small gesture.

Agreed! With “close” friends like this who needs enemies.

Original poster
gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:47

*Also, think of it as your contribution to the overall get-together. One of you is constantly providing the venue because the other 2 can't, surely they have a right to get pissed off with you for being unable to ever host your little gatherings? But you're making up for it by collecting the 3rd person and helping to complete the trio, so that's your contribution.

Does the friend who gets a lift do anything like bring some food or drinks? If not, maybe you could suggest that as their input to the three of you spending your evenings together with each of you doing your bit; one provides venue, one provides transport and one provides an extra cake. Then everyone is doing their bit*

I am on restricted diet so can't even eat what they eat.

But even without that arrangement, since you yourself are at the receiving end of a similar "favour" by virtue of never having to be the host, I'd say that you're being a little harsh and unreasonable

I always bring the hostess snacks.

OP posts:
xPeaceX · 07/11/2022 09:48

Another thread to bash non-drivers
Just do it if you like her or Don't do it if you don't want to. Get a taxi and drop her off first.
In this day and age there should be pressure to acquire and ru fewer cats, not more

xPeaceX · 07/11/2022 09:50

Anybody can buy snacks tidying up is a much bigger deal.

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 07/11/2022 09:51

Develop a fitness enthusism and do the journey by bicycle instead of driving.

Original poster
gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:51

But for one hour? On two consecutive days of the week? Every single week

we go up usually friday and saturday nights at around 9-10.30.

We live in a small town so nothing else to do. I'm cash strapped as off with health problems and none of us drink. The meeting alone is enough.

OP posts:
spaceshiptrain · 07/11/2022 09:52

So Susan doesn't say 'it's okay, I'll just get a taxi'?

Venetiaparties · 07/11/2022 09:53

It sounds really odd, I really wouldn't mind at all for a close friend.
If you do mind, then tell her 'Susan I am really short this week, and I am doing all of the driving, and I am happy to drive you home twice a week - could you contribute to the petrol? It is only 8 miles a week but the price of fuel has gone up so much'

Original poster
gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:53

Anybody can buy snacks tidying up is a much bigger deal

again Jayne doesn't have to tidy after us. We wouldn't eat there or drink tea etc. We simply sit and watch tv.Jane is quite messy too and it's rarely clean when we come but that doesn't bother us and it's not relevant.

OP posts:
spaceshiptrain · 07/11/2022 09:54

I have never driven and anywhere under 1 hour's walk I walk.
I always get a cab or walk or bus it and never expect a lift, although my close friends would always give me one no matter what.

Original poster
gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:54

So Susan doesn't say 'it's okay, I'll just get a taxi

no she just gets up and says I'll get home with you.

OP posts:
Paq · 07/11/2022 09:55

It all sounds very joyless. Is she a close friend or not? Do you all get mutual happiness and support from each other or are you just used for lifts and snacks? If so just stop going and find other friends.

littlefireseverywhere · 07/11/2022 09:55

I think you're sounding a bit entitled. If you want to keep meeting up, I'd give her a lift. I'd also question why as a 3 you don't do something else? Meet for coffee during the day, walk and chat? Sit on park bench and share picnic lunch?

spaceshiptrain · 07/11/2022 09:55

gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 09:54

So Susan doesn't say 'it's okay, I'll just get a taxi

no she just gets up and says I'll get home with you.

It's presumptive I suppose. How far is two miles? How long would that take to walk?

AngelinaFibres · 07/11/2022 09:56

Soory Op but the lives all 3 of you are leading sound desperately depressing to be honest. I think you have far bigger problems than giving a friend a lift

pewtypie · 07/11/2022 09:56

Does she ever petrol money? A 4 mile journey could be about £2 of petrol. It really adds up!

If you don't feel comfortable telling her you can't give any more lifts, could you make up an excuse, so that your dp drops you or you get a taxi, so that she gets out of the habit of expecting you to drop her?

Paq · 07/11/2022 09:56

So you just go over to another person's house to eat snacks you brought? Twice a week? Odd.

NellesVilla · 07/11/2022 09:56

I’m surprised everyone is piling on the OP!

OP, I get it as had a similar situation and got so fed up. My friend lived a bit further and was happy to walk in or get a family lift but always expected me to drop her back. I never asked for a penny and wouldn’t have taken it anyway but it was a nuisance tbh.

I ended up taking the bus sometimes so I wouldn’t have to do a lift and so I could have a coupe of drinks.

I also once had an after-school nanny job where I’d sometimes be expected to pick up the older teens from the station with no petrol money given. As this happened several times a week, I started to ‘leave’ my car at home (really I’d parked it around the corner so I didn’t have to do the pick ups fro free- couldn’t afford it on the wages they were paying me!).

spaceshiptrain · 07/11/2022 09:56

I suppose she just thinks why bother with a cab when you have a car?

I think the issue here is not paying petrol. Is it far out of your way? I.e. does it incur extra petrol costs that you wouldn't have not going out of your way for her?

What's the actual crux of the issue?

Money
Presumptiveness?

IntrovertedPenguin · 07/11/2022 09:56

Does she ever offer you petrol money?

Running a car, paying petrol is expensive if your not working. I can see why your annoyed.