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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

381 replies

alwaysfrazzled · 06/11/2022 13:11

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

OP posts:
JudgedAgain · 06/11/2022 13:12

Can’t SIL get an Uber ? Or another friend to give a lift ?

JudgedAgain · 06/11/2022 13:13

Don’t distress your baby there must be another option x

pewtypie · 06/11/2022 13:13

Can’t she get a taxi?

What is she in hospital for? If she’s good to you and she’s ill then I’d probably get her.

If she was just in for a check-up then I’d tell her to get a bus or taxi.

Just say baby has been poorly and you want to stay home.

7Worfs · 06/11/2022 13:14

You can’t have a 4mo screaming for an hour. She needs a taxi/friend/neighbour/colleague etc

LargeHadronCollidHER · 06/11/2022 13:14

YABU

Seriously unreasonable at that

LIZS · 06/11/2022 13:15

If she needs collecting it may be deemed unsafe for her to go home alone . Ask her to pacify your dd on the back.

Isthatmcormac · 06/11/2022 13:16

I wouldn’t have my child screaming for an hour for many reasons if I could avoid it tbh!

Id only do it if I had someone that could sit at home with my baby for an hour while I popped out and picked her up

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 06/11/2022 13:16

Surely if she's in the back she can pop the dummy back in, shush her, play with her? If you tell her you can't pick her up because of the baby, she'll just think it's an excuse because you can't be bothered.

CluelessAtClothing · 06/11/2022 13:17

Get a Dummy string

Change the car seat

Get some toys that attach to the car seat

It's not normal at all for a baby to scream, usually the car sends most to sleep.

jackstini · 06/11/2022 13:19

YABU. Your poor sister in law. I don't think I could say no

On another note, what has the doctor said about dd's constant screaming? That must be awful for you, and for her FlowersSad
Does she go to sleep at all after a while? What's the longest she's ever been in a car?

Bookaholic73 · 06/11/2022 13:20

YABU. Maybe your SIL will be a good distraction for your baby in the car.

luxxlisbon · 06/11/2022 13:20

As someone who’s baby hated the car I think you are being a bit unreasonable. She needs a lift home from the hospital, not to the pub!
I agree with PP she can entertain baby a bit in the back.

Original poster
alwaysfrazzled · 06/11/2022 13:21

I've got toys and a mirror she still screams. I can't just change the car seat.
She doesn't scream all the time just in the car she hates it. I'm not going to go to the doctor about it because it's just in the car.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 06/11/2022 13:22

I sympathise as DD1 was just like this in the car. Presuming SIL has to have someone collect her and taxi isn’t an option then I would do it because it really doesn’t sound like she has any other option. Even if she isn’t feeling great SIL should be able to pop the dummy back in as needed and hopefully it won’t be that bad.

Also just a thought but both of my kids were loads better once they went into the convertible stage 0-1 seats as they’re a bit more upright and generally higher than the infant carriers so they can see out of the window even when rear facing. Lots are suitable from 4 months.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 06/11/2022 13:22

Sorry if you've tried these things, but do you have a dummy clip, and also some toys dangling from the car seat handle? A mirror on the headrests so baby can see you?

ABJ100 · 06/11/2022 13:23

Why can't your sil get a taxi home? I wouldn't put someone with a small baby out like this. Yanbu, my ds was just the same at 4m and I would not have distressed him for anyone.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 06/11/2022 13:23

Cross post Blush

TimeSlipMushroom · 06/11/2022 13:23

From a fellow mum who had a baby who screamed on every journey...

I'm not sure it's helpful to tell op that her baby screaming in the car is not "normal" or that it requires a doctors opinion. All babies are different.

However if your SIL genuinely has no other way to get home after a hospital stay it seems harsh not to help and just get through the journey as best you can

PeekAtYou · 06/11/2022 13:25

I would rather give SIL the money for a taxi or pickup when you have someone to stay home with the baby. Sounds stressful

JLQ1020 · 06/11/2022 13:25

My niece screamed all the time in tbe csf until she was older turned out she gets quite badly travel sick so she must have feel really sick when in the car.
My sister has to keep air conditioning on as the warm car made her sick
I don't think it's unreasonable not to want to do it.
Can anyone mind the baby while u do the pick up and drop off?
If not I'd explain and say why you are saying no

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/11/2022 13:26

Could anything be changed around so either your DH or MIL can take her? Either the work dates or the date of the appointment?

Is to impossible for her to get a taxi- I’d rather give her the money than have my baby screaming for that amount of time

Original poster
alwaysfrazzled · 06/11/2022 13:28

Dh works four hours away and mil is on holiday. Nobody else can help.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 06/11/2022 13:29

I think you need to collect her and it's really unkind not to if you can.

Can't you feed baby and go to collect her so baby falls asleep on the way there? Or can your mom have baby for an hour while you go and get SIL?

Y7drama · 06/11/2022 13:29

Can someone watch the baby while you drop your SIL home? I would try and help her out. Or she can help entertain the baby in the car

Itsabitnotcold · 06/11/2022 13:30

Nope, she can get a taxi. Don't upset your baby for an adults convenience.

DS screamed in the car for a while. I used to have to sing constantly. Try playing cocomelon or other fun music she likes. But she'll get over it eventually. Until she does just don't drive unless you have to. And you don't have to this time