To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

[alwaysfrazzled]

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

Nobody else can have the baby my mum lives further away than sil and doesn't drive. It's either me or a taxi. If I take her she will scream until she's sick. She doesn't like the car and there's not much I can do about it.

YABVU.

Find a way to sort it out. SIL plays with the baby. Toys. Dummy on a string so she can't throw it away.

I think you are in a difficult position. If your SIL was physically well, it would be obvious for her to take a taxi.

Does your SIL the difficulty you have with the baby in the car?

If you live closer to the hospital than your SIL could you pick her up and bring her back to your house? You or your DP could then drop her home when he gets home from work without having to take baby with you.

@trailrunner85 I've done all that. Please don't patronise me. If I could stop the screaming I would have done.

YABU.

@Katrinawaves as I've already said dh works away so he won't be home at all.

Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?

The all important context is missing.

Why has she been in hospital? That's the thing that really will dictate whether she need a lift or can get the bus.

If she’ll cry til she’s sick don’t do it. It’s ridiculous if there’s no reason she absolutely can’t get a taxi, like she needs looking after or something.

As I said, if money is an issue for SIL, it would be better to offer to pay for her taxi than do this.

Cant believe people would be happy to let a baby go through this when taxis are available

If your DH works away, is he a good earner who can afford this for his sister?

I doubt sil would be grateful for the lift you can offer tbh!

I wouldn’t leave her to get a taxi home personally. Baby won’t scream when she’s in the back, as you say you get people to sit in the back, she will be so only be way there

I don’t think you’re unreasonable OP. My youngest used to scream in the car from a couple of minutes into any journey, it’s was horrendous.

Interestingly, as she got older, we realised she got dreadful travel sickness but was not often sick, she just felt nauseous. We now presume this was why she cried so much in the car when she was a baby. 😔

Cant believe people would be happy to let a baby go through this when taxis are available

Baby aside, maybe she can't get in taxis. I have significant medical issues and there is no way I would be able to do a journey by taxi. A lift from someone I know however...

This.

Eg if a family member had just had major surgery (for eg) I'd move heaven and earth to help them get home.

For something minor, maybe not.

What? Of course you should get her. A four month old crying for half an hour is not nice to listen to but there’s no way I’d suggest she gets a bus home!! What if it was you in hospital and you needed help?

On a practical level. Get peppa pig/dancing fruits/cocomelon on your phone, clear sandwich bag and tie to the headrest so she has something to watch. It’s 30 minutes. Nothing terrible will happen. Get your SIL.

The state of your SILs health makes a huge difference to wether YABU or not. It also makes a difference wether she is usually helpful to you or not.

All 3 of mine hated the car until at LEAST 6m even then you had to time it so they slept or have someone to constantly soothe, wave toys about. They grew out of it and travel fine now!

Why can't she get a taxi home?

Surely sil sitting in back with baby might help soothe them. And she can at least put dummy back in. Though why can't she sit in the front?

Are you suggesting you will just do short trips the rest of your life because the child doesn't like it? If you avoid longer journeys they will never get used to it.

And yes. I do think you're being unreasonable.

If a taxi is actually an option then of course SIL should do that. I had assumed that she had to met as she’d be leaving the hospital still semi under the influence of sedation. Otherwise who would ask a new mum to do it, knowing she’d have to drag baby along too. Even without the screaming in the car issue I’d be saying no if that’s the case.

Why on earth is it your responsibility to collect her? If she has no one who can collect her (and you can’t, for good reasons) she should get a taxi. If for some reason she can’t do that, she should tell the hospital that she has no transport. They must have a contingency plan for that.

My twins were screamers when they were babies. Please can everyone stop telling the OP that she should do this or that. I had this all the time, people suggesting to me that I should try <insert various very obvious things>. It’s incredibly annoying, of course I had tried all those things.

Is patient transport an option?

I think it's obvious that a lot of people replying haven't dealt with a baby that just screams constantly in the car.

It's not safe to drive with a baby screaming blue murder in the back seat. It's incredibly distracting for the driver and can potentially cause a bad accident.

OP - YANBU. It's unfortunate for your SIL but it's not fair to put your newborn through that just to save your SIL a half an hour taxi journey.

It depends on the reason your sil was in hospital. Major surgery, she definitely needs bringing home. Does your dh need to work away? Could that be changed this once to accommodate picking your sil up?