To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

[alwaysfrazzled]

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

Context is all here. Is your SIL very ill/disabled/just had a serious op/can’t use a taxi? If so, then I would fetch her whether the baby screams or not.

Also, it’s half an hour to SIL’s but presumably you can go in, play with/soothe baby, have a cuppa etc before leaving, so the baby doesn’t need to be in the car for a solid hour.

Baby might not cry with company in the back of the car. And SIL can put the dummy back in.

Give SIL a lift.

I agree she should get a taxi. My DD was just like this and it was absolutely awful, nothing worked to settle her, it was distressing and stressful for us both. I absolutely hated it but no one understood and I did cave to pressure from others and put myself in that position too many times. Don't do it.

If you don't feel uncomfortable saying no is there a way you can suddenly make yourself unavailable.

But what about the journey to the hospital? It's not safe to be driving with a screaming baby in the back like that.

My baby was like this, its hard driving when they’re screaming. We put a muslin over the car seat handle so she was in a kind of tent. It soothed her and she stopped crying. I think there was so much flashing past the window it was like a sensory overload. The muslin made it calm. Toys etc didn’t help at all, this was the only thing that worked.

It totally depends what sil is in for. If she’s had ga she won’t be allowed home alone in a taxi. If that’s the case I would just do it, although I appreciate it will be horrible.
if SIL is medically ok to get a taxi then I’d explain that taxi will be better for everyone.

I think it really all depends on why SIL has been in hospital and how well she feels now.

Have you tried your baby in another car seat just incase the one you have doesn't suit your baby?

She's in hospital and you want her to catch a bus?!
😂😂 🙄

Is there nobody else who can give her a lift? If she's had a general anaesthetic you are not allowed to travel by public transport. Including taxis she might be able to book some patient transport through the hospital. But there will be a wait.

Op have you tried removing the newborn insert from the car seat?

I'm assuming SIL is having some sort of surgery and needs collected by a responsible adult?

I think what I'd do is go early, so you have an hour or two out of the car, so you can go for a wander or have lunch.
Hopefully baby will sleep on at least some for the journey.

My oldest hated the carseat, wasn't too bad when the car was moving but hated the car seat.

It’s not actually OPs responsibility how her SIL gets home.

OP is curiously silent on the question of why SIL is in hospital, isn't she?

Able to answer lots of other questions but not this one.

Her sat in back maybe able to pacify DD unless you crack this your going to be so restricted

Why is she in hospital?

that’s a vital piece of info

Of course. OP only wants posters who agree with her. Potential adding context will alter people's opinions.

She's in to have some iv antibiotics

I think it depends whether the SIL literally just needs a lift, in which case a taxi would do just as well, or if she is being discharged on condition that she will be accompanied home. In that case I would collect her, unless I genuinely never used the car for my own purposes with the baby.

Some babies don't like cars - it's just something you have to get on with, and if this baby were the youngest of three there would be no avoiding car journeys.

Hospital likely wouldn't allow her to travel alone in a taxi. Especially if she has had a general anaesthetic.

Getting closer....

So, she is unwell?

Exactly this life doesn't stop because we have a baby. 😂😂😂

If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.

Surely you've answered your own question here...
That someone can be your SIL.

YANBU. Surely SIL knows some other people who aren't looking after a 4mo baby including other members of the family such as your husband or your brother? Or she can get patient transport if not if she needs it.

So what about the outward journey to the hospital when she's on her home? And the journey home from her SIL's house?

So is she ok to leave on her own and would the hospital allow it or not?

There is a huge difference between SIL would rather inconvenience me than pay for the taxi, or SIL is actually in a genuine bind where she needs medical treatment, has to be collected and literally has no one else.