To think making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time

[MrsShelby]

Hear me out. We moved to a lovely village a few years ago and I put a lot of effort in trying to make new friends. People who grew up in the area weren't interested as they had their established friendship circles. I met 2 different women through an activity who I hoped I could become good friends with.
Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company. After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt.

Post baby, I have met 3 different amazing mummy friends (they don't know each other) and they think I am wonderful. We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values.

This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house. I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.

AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?

Do you think it could be because you’re unbearably smug?

Yeah I think you're being unreasonable, most of my friends earn a lot less but it's never been an issue at all.

I don’t know where to start with this. More coffee required I think.

🤣

Maybe try living outside of your own asshole and you might find friendships easier.

I am friends with all kinds of people. From millionaires to dirt poor.

It's the people I'm friends with. Not their money.

🍿

I think it’s probably due to your attitude whether that’s intentional or not.

I used to earn considerably less and now I earn considerably more.

I still have the same friends.

Absolutely not the case but you may have been u lucky with chosen friends?

I'm in a very similar situation, moved to new area, have large house etc and not had any issue with friends. I'm from a working class background though and like to think I'm very down to earth etc so go out of my way to not be perceived to 'show off' about anything we have.

I did have a similar experience with an older friend though. Once we moved and then moved house again, has some real big issues with my oldest and closest friend and that friendship has ultimately dwindled. The change in our circumstances (through myself and husband sheer grafting), didn't go down well and brought out lots of insecurities in my friend (which she later admitted). But the damage to our friendship was too much and we barely speak now.

I say take people as you find them and maybe build a friendship before inviting them over for a cuppa at yours

Is this a joke ?

Is it because of your big house? Or your personality? Hmmm, I wonder 🧐

Oh absolutely.

One must only socialise with people from one's own social class or better - especially if they have a swimming pool, a sauna and room for a pony.

Agree it sounds like your attitude.
How do you know the salary of someone you've just met. Why would it even come up in conversation.

WTF. No, you are wrong. I have friends who earn a lot less. If we go anywhere they tell me a budget and we stick to it.

Could it be that you're so carried away with your big house and social status that it makes you a bit insensitive to others?

Can't think why they ditched you, it's a mystery.

One of my closest friends is a multi millionaire. I earn the average wage. We don't care.
But I had another friend who is also a mutli millionaire. She used to buy me presents every time we met and I got the strong impression I was supposed to return the compliment which I couldn't afford to do.

Were you suggesting activities and meet ups at places they couldn’t afford? Because I can see why they’d avoid that.

I think anyone would like a coffee at the park, or picnics etc. We know people from all parts of the income spectrum, and there’s some things that everyone can enjoy together.

I have the same issue. I'm soooo rich that only other equally rich people think I'm wonderful. Poor people just don't understand me. Such woe.

😂

I moved here from overseas five years ago and have a bigger house than anyone we know bar one, and I have a stack of lovely new friends.

I will say, however, that people in the UK seem to be quite envious of others, so perhaps in your area YANBU.

Or perhaps you are a bit of a knobber. Hard to tell from a distance.

It is much more likely your house didn’t make you lose an friends but your personality did. Maybe some self reflection is due rather than blaming your money?

I am friends with people who are a lot richer than me...i dont think it's a waste. I am also friends with people who don't have as much. As long as there's no envy.