To think making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time

[MrsShelby]

Hear me out. We moved to a lovely village a few years ago and I put a lot of effort in trying to make new friends. People who grew up in the area weren't interested as they had their established friendship circles. I met 2 different women through an activity who I hoped I could become good friends with.
Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company. After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt.

Post baby, I have met 3 different amazing mummy friends (they don't know each other) and they think I am wonderful. We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values.

This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house. I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.

AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?

I have rarely read such bollocks in my life

And I am on here a lot

Also calling people mummy friends is up there with hubby and picky tea. Please don’t.

Several rungs below you 🤣

You will have been dumped because you sound like a complete twat 🙄

This is why I demand to see bank statements and credit reports before I get too invested.

Lucky you. However, this has not been my experience hence my post. The money issue doesn't bother me which is why being dumped has been painful.

I don't think any of my friends make what I do but I don't know for sure as it's not something I've compared, I can guess at it based on job titles/sectors.

Is there any possibility it's not your wage per se but how you speak about your finances?

A view from the other side:

I still feel a lot of affection for my oldest friends who have done well in life but I don't like going on nights out with them because:

A) It practically bankrupts me (expensive bars and restaurants)
and
B) I feel excluded from the conversation (which is all private schools, second homes and foreign holidays).

They're not doing it to be spiteful or show off, I know that, it's just their life nowadays - but it does make me feel dull and poor and out of my depth.

I live in an 8 bedroom igloo on the Moon, yet I would still consider lesser mortals as friends.

I think it's about your values rather than the size of your house.
As my mum used to say, some people know the price of everything but the value of nothing.
Happily for you, you have met like minded people to befriend.

Also calling people mummy friends is up there with hubby and picky tea. Please don’t.
😆
I think OP will have to spend more picky tea time with hubby now that the mummy friends have seen sense!

When do people see pictures of your house? Do they ask or is it foisted on them?

I meet most of my friends outside of my home. Not sure they know what my house looks like TBH. Why do yours?

You don't sound all that rich to me. What's with this fictional tale?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2702664-To-give-up-a-55k-salary-1st-time-poster-long-time-lurker?postsby=MrsShelby

I was looking for the right words. These are them!

I have absolutely no problem retaining friends of all income levels. But based on how you come across in the OP I don't think I'd want to be friends with you either. You seem to think your professional job, big house and so on are worthy of worship.

Pretty sure I can see why they dumped you op! It sounds like you’ve probably said a couple of things that would have offended them.

'Several levels below you on the economic ladder'

This says it all.
I wouldn't want to be your friend.

I don’t know how to write this without sounding as much of a smug twat as you.
But Il try , I have a big house , in a village , I also have friends with bigger houses and Much more money. I also have friends on the same estate I lived on when I was a single young mum in a one bed flat.
Your lack of friends says A lot about you.

There's a lot to unpack here. Sometimes you have to adjust the activities you do together - you'd have to be a tone deaf arse to suggest a long weekend at an expensive spa or a Michelin starred meal to someone on the dole. But ultimately it should be the people you're friends with, not their bank balances.

Anyone else hearing Harry Enfield…? 😂

The fact that you’re classing your ‘friends’ into different groups and comparing them this way is quite odd! maybe it’s location? Or the so called ‘values’ or the fact you keep putting emphasis on how much bigger your house is.

Thank you for your thoughtful post. It's a small village so even if you don't say where you live, someone else has probably told them. Good advice.

Not everyone is you, unless you know the op thats not relevant to her

Of course some people will have that attitude and some won't, the op seems to have come across a few that do

Not hard to understand that a difference in financilal situations might make some people uncomfortable is it?

Who even thinks of people in terms of what rungs of an “economic ladder” they’re on?!

Oh, it’s people like you. That’s why your friendships don’t last. (If this is for real).

Oh right. I thought she actually made a lot of money. Yeah, she's below me so I wouldn't want to know her.

There is more to life than money.We have friends less well off and some better off.I am sorry you were "dumped" but there are many layers to Adult friendships ,I doubt your prev buddies were going home green with envy at your large house!

Anything that starts with 'Hear me out' is usually a load of old twaddle