To think making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time

[MrsShelby]

Hear me out. We moved to a lovely village a few years ago and I put a lot of effort in trying to make new friends. People who grew up in the area weren't interested as they had their established friendship circles. I met 2 different women through an activity who I hoped I could become good friends with.
Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company. After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt.

Post baby, I have met 3 different amazing mummy friends (they don't know each other) and they think I am wonderful. We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values.

This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house. I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.

AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?

Be careful. We’ve just moved from a fairly modest semi where we’d been since we’ve moved into our village to a big fuck off house that’s a fairly obvious indicator of how much we have (or can afford to borrow 😂) There’s a significant number of people in the village who are much more pleasant and engaging (stop to say hello etc) since we moved…

I have the opposite issue - good friends earn more so think nothing of suggesting a day out that would cost £100 or more whereas that's a big chunk of our disposable income.

Your probably very nice, but probably very patronising, you probably don't mean to be, its just your way of handling the little people

Lucky you. However, this has not been my experience hence my post. The money issue doesn't bother me which is why being dumped has been painful.

I used to be very poor ...I am now fairly rich...I have the same friends for 30+ years & a load of new ones, well off and not so well off...you don't sound particularly pleasant tbh

Yes but the ‘money issue’ isn't even an issue - or shouldn't be.
It’s a bit like saying ‘the skin colour issue doesn’t bother me’. It shows what you notice and think about.

Clearly money is on your mind and therefore the disparity is a ‘thing’ even though it doesn’t bother you. It made the other friends uncomfortable.

Try rating material possessions less highly and see if it makes a difference.

I'm going to ask you again. Why do you think you are so rich?

This must be a troll. Or very sad person to think this.
Also, with any two friends there's always got be one person who earns less than the other one, in which case no one would ever have friends if what you're saying is true.

From what you’ve said here, it’s probably only a matter of time before the three new “mummy friends” who “think you’re wonderful” drop you too. You are the common denominator in those past friends dumping you… the problem is your attitude.

What a horrible post. I think it's you.

Thank you for your thoughtful post. It's a small village so even if you don't say where you live, someone else has probably told them. Good advice. Maybe I have been unlucky.

I had a friend like you. I didn’t ditch her because of the income disparity. I ditched her because she was embarrassingly rude and condescending to restaurant staff and because she only liked to talk about herself.

Do you live in a vlllage? Where I live it's pretty much impossible not to know what someones house is like unless they are a weirdo who won't say which street they live on

How are you failing to see that there are literally hundreds of possible reasons why these people don't want to be your friend, rather than the money thing? The fact that money jumps out at you as the most likely reason is hugely telling - it suggests to me that money is a prominent topic in your mind and perhaps in your conversation - and if so, you may have been dumped for going on about it.

Brilliant post

I think it has nothing to do with social status and more to do with personality and attitude. I came to that conclusion after the "and they think I am wonderful" You sound very self absorbed.

Yes.

The friends in smaller houses will know what you think of them. That's why they dumped you.

I have second-hand embarrassment reading your posts.

I ask all my potential friends for a run down of their economic situation before I commit to a friendship. I don’t base it solely on their pay slips, because they might have investments. However, some stuff is a dealbreaker - for example, if they don’t have at least one en suite or bifold doors at the back.

No I wasn't. It was typically walks at the park and meeting at a cafe for tea. I'm frugal so would never suggest anything OTT.

While you really don't sound like a type of person who people would probably like to be around🙈

You may not be totally wrong. We often see posts here about disparity of spare momey and issues such as holidays and days out etc.

Or perhaps you are a bit of a knobber. Hard to tell from a distance.

I'm going for this option 😂😂

This sounds like a knob post. It shouldn’t matter where someone lives. Stop sending friends photos of your house and maybe they won’t judge you on it 🙄

Did you give up a £1,600/month Deliveroo habit to pay for the village hall?

I hear where you’re coming from. It is disingenuous to pretend that things like income levels and housing never have an affect on new friendships. It is natural for humans to be drawn to others who share similarities with them because they’re automatically going to have more to connect over and there is comfort in familiarity.

That said, I have friends all over the income scale, so it’s not inevitable that it’s going to have a big effect in every area of life. I think mummy friendships are more likely to be affected than others because people make those for the benefit of their children as much as their own enjoyment.

😂😂