To think making friends with people who earn less than you is a waste of time

[MrsShelby]

Hear me out. We moved to a lovely village a few years ago and I put a lot of effort in trying to make new friends. People who grew up in the area weren't interested as they had their established friendship circles. I met 2 different women through an activity who I hoped I could become good friends with.
Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company. After a few meet ups, I was dumped. No idea what I did wrong. And it hurt.

Post baby, I have met 3 different amazing mummy friends (they don't know each other) and they think I am wonderful. We meet up regularly with our children and have a brilliant time. They also have part time professional jobs, live in big houses and have similar values.

This got me thinking because I am the same person who was dumped by the two other women. Plus, I have been dumped several times by friends in the past. The move to our current house cost me 3 friends who went cold when they saw the pictures of the house. I was so desperate to hold on to one of those friendships that I spent a year texting her to organise a meet up but she was never free or wouldn't respond.

AIBU to think that trying to make friends with someone who is several levels below you on the economic ladder is generally a waste of time and can only lead to disappointment/heart break?

That you aren’t surprised? 🤷‍♀️

I am so sorry this has been your experience. It does hurt because you are the same person and some cherished friends want nothing more to do with you.

I never said I would only socialise with people who are better off than me. What I am finding whilst trying to make new friends is that friends who are on a similar economic level are happy to meet up regularly and deepen the friendship. There is no easy way to sugar coat it.

This is the most liked comment on the DM article. So not everyone thinks I'm crazy or imagining things.

I have taken all the comments on board - both good and bad. Yesterday, I recalled a conversation I had with an estate agent a few weeks ago. She probably left thinking I was a smug cow even though I had answered her questions. Going forward, I will edit what I say further and be more vague.

My heart is filled with joy about my 3 new local friends. Living in a small village, it is very easy to end up with only acquaintances.

Thank you to everyone who posted on this thread or read it.

Are your diamond shoes also too tight and your wallet too small for your £50s?!

So true!

Oh no are we nowreading and believing things written in the comments section of the Daily Mail. That way madness lies. 😆

I don't think you're crazy or imagining things either. That's absolutely not what I think you are.

They could have dumped you for a million reasons. If I made a new friend and at some point early on they made a comment at odds with my principles or political views, I would distance myself from them for example. If they talked endlessly about their children, I would do the same. If I didn’t get their sense of humour I might not bother maintaining the relationship. Your wealth or house would not play into it, it would just be a feeling of whether you were my type of person or not. I couldn’t really have a good friend who wasn’t left wing for example. It just wouldn’t work.

Most, if not all, of my friends earn a lot more than me so I hope you're wrong!

Also, you're talking nonsense

I sort of agree with you OP, I come from a working class town (not in this country) and people do begrudge people are posh. For example, I’ve heard people being called posh or snobby for jogging, eating avocados, and keeping dogs inside the house. There’s probably things you do without realising it that are causing judgement and it’s not your fault. My brother recently called me a show off for inviting him and his partner around for dinner- he was half joking but in all honestly, my parents never hosted. Now o live in an affluent area but I’m a lower earner than most of friends and sometimes I do struggle to keep up with them so I can really see what you mean OP and sorry you’re getting a hard time on this thread.

"Both lived in smaller houses than ours and earned less which didn't matter to me because I enjoyed their company"

Why does this even need mentioning? Why would it cross your mind that it's relevant in any way what they lived in and what they earned?

I have a friend on minimum wage who lives in a really small council property, and another friend who is a millionaire living in a huge barn....but why would that be relevant to our friendships? It's really not!

A millionaire lives in a barn???
A converted one you mean?

I once had a manager who would insist on detailing every second of her glamorous life, a million photos from her second home abroad, photos from the renovations of the main house, bragging about her successful husband, even her lover (!). I felt we were all seen through a lens - either we passed her style test or not - and treated like minions who obviously lived a lesser life. I really disliked the attitude and wouldn't want a friendship like this. Now it's not about the money, it's the attitude - I know people a lot richer who brag a lot less.

I really don't care what people have in life , but those who brag about it are the very worst.

♥️