Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

If your DS has moved out, I don’t think you need to keep the old room as a shrine to him. Surely it makes more sense for the DSD to use a larger room and keep the smaller room for occasional guests.

Is it worth speaking to DS to give him a heads up?

You're being completely unreasonable. Why on earth should your stepdaughter have to stay in the small room just on the off chance your son moves back to yours?

He's not even a kid, he's 25!

Lordy, cut the apron strings.

Your son has left home under his own steam. He doesn't need you to keep a bedroom for him.

Is the DD with you full time?

I think YABU. He has his own flat elsewhere, what’s the point in the large room sitting empty?

I don't think it's unreasonable for your dsd to move into the bigger room.
Your son has moved out and there's room if he stays so no issues.
Maybe out of courtesy mention to your son you are letting dsd move into it as he's not there much anymore.

So just in case your DS decides he wants to stay at some undefined moment in the future, your SD has to stay in the small room?

YABU.

When my adult dd moved out her room was taken that afternoon! She came home for a month several years later. She had our room and we had the lounge until she got a new house.

what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in

He moves back into the small room.

he can't expect you to keep the bigger room empty on the off chance his relationship doesn't work out.

YABU, let your DSD have the bigger room.

If your DS needs to come back there's still a room there for him. But considering he's 25, and will have had a taste of not living with his parents, even if their relationship did end he may never want to return.

If things don't work out for your DS with his girlfriends, he will move into another flat on his own or a house share etc. You really are in the wrong here.

It is difficult but your DSD has had the smaller room for all these years. Your DS has moved on.
It isn't fair to keep the larger room for him in case he wants to visit. He's not an 18 year old going to college. He's an adult moving to his own home.

You are being unreasonable

the room should go to your step daughter. If it doesn’t work out - he can take her old room or find a place on his own.

He's 25! You're being entirely unreasonable

Yabu. Of course you are! People who live in the house get the best rooms. It was no longer your sons room you even refer to it yourself as the spare room.

Yep, your husband is right on this one.

Also, your DSD has had the smaller room for years while your son has had the bigger one. If he does end up moving back in at some point in the future, surely it’s his turn for the smaller room? Why is the smaller room ok for your DSD but not for your DS?
Plus, does he even care?

YABU you son has left home, he doesn't need the room. When my adult dc left those left at home took the larger room and now there is a spare room that should they want to stay they can sleep in there.

YABU, your son is 25, even if he ended up home again it wouldn’t be for long. Your dsd should be given the bigger room.

YAB massively U.

If it were the other way around i.e. your DH's child had moved out and your son wanted some more space, are you certain you wouldn't be arguing for him to be able to take the bigger room? 🤨

YABU , the child that is residing full time should get the better room , I’m just amazed it’s been left this long if your son was only home a couple of nights a week .

YABU he's 25 she should have had the bigger room years ago when he went to uni.

Another unreasonable from me.

when my DS moved out, DD moved into his room within about two weeks. She had had the shitty small room for 21 years, it was only fair. DS was a little pissy at first that his room had been redecorated so quickly and his sister moved in, but I reminded him he was 24 and had his own home now and would never move back.

when she moved out three years later I redecorated it within two weeks of her leaving and bought new blinds, furniture and bedding and it’s now my spare haven for when DH snores.

people move out, circumstances change, you can’t leave his bedroom as he left it for the next ten years!

YABVU I am surprised you & your DH didnt make this decision 2 years ago when your young adult DS was living elsewhere 90% of the time.

Sounds to me like you want to make everything as easy as possible for DS to slip back into the nest. After 15 years it worries me that you have priorities like this towards your DS.

Fucking hell, you're being completely ridiculous. Your son is 25, not 17 and off to uni. Of course his daughter should get the bigger room. Your son doesn't live there anymore.

This has to be a reverse surely!