Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

I do think you are being unreasonable. When I moved out at 20, my brother moved into my room immediately. If I had wanted/ needed to come home I would always have had a bed, but I wouldn't necessarily walk back into the same room. I'm 34 now and never did move home but my 29yr old brother who got the room just moved out and my youngest brother now has the room and my mum has made the smallest room a neutral guest room. Should any of us need it, it's there, but I wouldn't expect my mum to have kept my brothers in smaller rooms on the of chance I might want to come home.
Your son will understand also, if he is reasonable.

He's 25 ffs 🤣🤣🤣

Your son is 25! Even if his relationship doesn't work out, he should not be moving back into your house anyway, he should be going to a house share, rent with a friend, etc. He's 25!!!!

Just re read your first post and spotted this

he has moved all his belongings out

bit of a hint there OP, bit of a hint…….

This fairly standard I would think, when the kid with the "better" room moves out, the others get it/fight it out. Happened to me and most of my friends with our full siblings. Those that did move back had to go in the small/shit room because they "gave up" their room.
If anything you're just highlighting that your son is more important in your current family unit than your DSD.
You'll end up knocking your relationship with her and possibly your DH and for what? An unused room?

Just because he doesn't have his old room at yours doesn't mean he doesn't have "a" room. Even now at 33 if I had to move back to my parents house I know that I could, that it is always a home to me, but I might not get my old bedroom back.

100% reverse.

Can't believe it's been sat empty for three months and this hasn't come up sooner!

My bed wasnt even cold before my little sister moved her stuff into my room. This is how it should be. I would be pissed off if I was your husband and stepdaughter that your kid gets the big room as doesnt even live there

Totally unreasonable. You want your dsd to stay in the smaller room just so you can keep it for the occasional night your ds comes home? Extremely unfair.

YABU. I can totally see your point of view but it’s completely unreasonable. He’s 25, he’s moved out. It really isn’t fair for your step daughter not to have the larger bedroom.

Exactly!

If I was you I'd apologise profusely to DH (and DSD if she is aware of the row). YABVVVU.

YABVVVU

Can't believe a 25 year old man who was only sleeping over less than 1/3 of the week had a bigger room than a 17yo who was there full time! And you don't see the problem in holding onto it just in case he wants to move back in. If he does end up back at home he takes the small room.

Have 21 yr old at home at the moment. As soon s he makes the move his larger room will go to his 14 yr old brother. If he needs to come back, it’ll be into the smaller room. That’s life.
Yabvu.

How much bigger is the room?

Completely unreasonable. Poor SD.

Your poor SD! 3 months it’s taken your DH to feel ok to raise this. Does she live with you full time?
YABU but he should also have talked to you first

Crazy that DD didn’t move in the minute he packed up his stuff.
it’s a room, not a shrine.

he’s a grown man. He’s not going to ever want to come back and live with you - and that’s exactly how it should be. He’d probably sofa surf rather than come back. Let him live his own life and stop being so obsessed with him.

You need to get a grip. He is 25 and has moved out. I can't understand what the problem is. it seems a no-brainer. YABVU.

Sorry, OP. I think YABVU. Your husband is right and DSD should move to the larger room.

Oh dear OP. You are wrong in this one but is suspect you aren’t coming back. You son has moved out. He’s 25.

You’re being completely ridiculous. He’s not a teenager who gone to uni he’s 25 and living with girlfriend for heavens sake! Give the room to your step daughter 🙄

Of course the daughter should get the room. You can't just keep rooms empty on the off chance son decides to move back. He is an adult and if he wants to move back after moving out then he gets what's left. Spareroom/sofa whatever. Since he lived at home till 25, I kinda think they should have swapped years ago especially since he was barely home.

YABU.

Your son has had the benefit of the big room for years, even when he hardly used it. DSD should have it now. When I went to uni I swapped rooms with my younger sister. I still had a room to come back to in holidays but she had the larger room with a desk.