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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguments over the spare room

375 replies

Met82 · 02/11/2022 16:46

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

OP posts:
KillingLoneliness · 03/11/2022 14:58

This shouldn’t even be up for discussion, surely SD gets the bigger room and your son can have the smaller room when he does stay, would she SD be stuck in a smaller room when she doesn’t have to be.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/11/2022 16:25

If all three of our sons come home, we have to evict the cat from his bedroom!

BingBangBollocks · 03/11/2022 16:30

Good grief let the poor girl have the room
You are too absorbed in your adult sons life

DamnUserName21 · 03/11/2022 16:36

I think you're taking the piss, frankly. Keeping the larger room free for someone who doesn't live there at the expense of your SD is ridiculous. Don't blame your H for being angry.

KatherineofGaunt · 03/11/2022 17:06

Your DS doesn't need a room at your ex's house, notlr yours, because HE'S MOVED OUT!

If the room's empty, what's the problem with the smaller room being the empty one? Without your DS's stuff in there, it's hardly his room, is it?

I'd love to know if it was your husband's child who'd moved out and your child in the smaller room, would you be a happy for it to stay that way?

YAB so U I can't believe this is even real...

Pinkbananas01 · 03/11/2022 17:13

Your husband is unreasonable for not discussing 1st but of course your DSS should have the bigger room. I left for uni aged 18 parents immediately swapped my DS to my larger room which was absolutely fair.

Pipsquiggle · 03/11/2022 17:21

Who's betting this is a journalist having a slow day?

Hazeleyez · 03/11/2022 17:59

Goodness. You are so unreasonable! Your grown man of an adult son has moved out and you want your stepdaughter to keep staying in a small room, even though for 5 out of 7 nights there's a bigger room laying empty in your house? You sound like one of those cruel stepmoms from the movies/Disney fairytales. You don't cherish your stepdaughter much, do you. I'm lost for words.

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/11/2022 18:02

I don't see why you wouldn't move the DD into the bigger room once the DS was no longer a full time resident. It makes sense that the person who is there most should have the bigger space.

I don't blame your DH for being angry about this as it should have been understood by you that your DS is no longer the highest priority, since he has been moving out by degrees for some time. You come across as being very disdainful of his DD, which is shameful really. You are VU

TheClitterati · 03/11/2022 20:18

Of course she should have the bigger room.

annonymousse · 03/11/2022 20:28

I'm waiting for the post from DS' DP about his interfering mother who still treats as a child

iamjustlurking · 03/11/2022 20:34

I don't think my DD (24) had made it to the end of the road the day she moved in with her GF before my DS had his stuff moved out of the box room and into her room 😳
If she needed to come home she would have to take smaller room

Tarragon123 · 03/11/2022 22:25

DeireadhFomhair · 02/11/2022 22:49

Have you taken on board the vast majority of opinions here @Met82 that are telling you, you are wrong?
Your DS no longer lives there, your partner's DD should absolutely have the bigger room!

I could be wrong but I dont think anyone has posted in support. A first on Mumsnet?

I'm guessing a couple of people have clicked on the voting by mistake or for a laugh.

XanaduKira · 03/11/2022 22:49

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 02/11/2022 16:50

You're being completely unreasonable. Why on earth should your stepdaughter have to stay in the small room just on the off chance your son moves back to yours?

He's not even a kid, he's 25!

Completely agree!

RealityTV · 07/11/2022 13:26

@Met82, your son is a 25-year-old GROWN MAN! You're serious sitting there hoping he moves back in and things don't work out with his girlfriend? Why would he come back home to mommy at the age of 25 anyway? What is wrong with you? IF he does come back home, the small bedroom is waiting for him! You deprived the younger child of his room when he spent 2 YEARS barely even sleeping there! It should have been switched THEN! However, now that he is gone, you want to just leave the room open "in case" he comes back? Something is wrong with you. Do you not like your stepdaughter? You can't possibly think it good sense to leave a room open for a grown man to come back when people are living in the home who should have more space NOW! Give that girl that room and stop playing around! If your GROWN MAN comes back, he should be in the small room! Living with mommy shouldn't even be on the table for someone who is pushing 30! Stop acting like you don't understand this!

stevec711 · 07/11/2022 15:30

You may have a good relationship with SD for now, but that may change at the rate you're going.

Whammyyammy · 07/11/2022 15:57

YABU. Jeez, he's 25.... cut mummy's apron strings.
Does he still get pocket money and believe in santa?

howdoyougethingsdone · 08/11/2022 04:11

This reeks of favouritism towards your son.

Give your step daughter the bigger room. If your son does ever need to come back home then he goes in the smaller room!

IVFfirsttimer91 · 03/05/2023 16:45

Yabu

trisfreya · 03/05/2023 16:51

IVFfirsttimer91 · 03/05/2023 16:45

Yabu

goodness - well done on rezzing a zombie with your deep insightful comment

Foodie6 · 03/05/2023 16:56

YABVU. Your husband is right and you are being ridiculous OP. DSD should be moving into the bigger room permanently and you can make her old room into a spare bedroom. If for any reason your DS needs to stay round or move back in there is a bed for him in the smaller room.

Have you told your son of the plans to move her into his old room? I bet you he wouldn't give a shit. I imagine it's just you that has the problem!

Foodie6 · 03/05/2023 16:58

Just realised it's a zombie thread.....whoops

Curtains70 · 03/05/2023 17:01

YABU I remember the day my big brother moved out, he had barely shut the door behind him before I moved into his room.

Curtains70 · 03/05/2023 17:02

Foodie6 · 03/05/2023 16:58

Just realised it's a zombie thread.....whoops

Ah shit, didn't notice that

IVFfirsttimer91 · 03/05/2023 18:58

@trisfreya i didn’t realise it was a zombie. It just popped up. My bad!

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