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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguments over the spare room

375 replies

Met82 · 02/11/2022 16:46

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

OP posts:
SisterGeorgeMichael · 02/11/2022 17:20

I wouldn't do it is he was 18 but he's 25! He is more than grown up.

drpet49 · 02/11/2022 17:21

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 02/11/2022 16:50

You're being completely unreasonable. Why on earth should your stepdaughter have to stay in the small room just on the off chance your son moves back to yours?

He's not even a kid, he's 25!

This. OP is being very unreasonable

Ponderingwindow · 02/11/2022 17:25

When I left for university, my sister was moving into the bigger room faster than I could pack. That was with me planning to be back for all school holidays and summers. I had no objections. It was completely fair. It was her turn for the big room, though it would have been nice if she had not intermingled our socks.

it’s time for the youngest to get the better room. Frankly if the oldest is 25, she should have been granted a switch some time ago anyway.

afaloren · 02/11/2022 17:26

He’s 25! Give your head a wobble and give the bigger room to DSD.

Daisy62 · 02/11/2022 17:27

YABU. Make the smaller room into a nice spare room for your son or any guests. Get a sofa bed or a double if it doesn’t already have one.

Georgeskitchen · 02/11/2022 17:29

I can't believe you're even asking.
Of course DSD should move into the bigger room.
When my eldest son moved out, younger brother moved into his room before the front door had even swung shut!!

Cococomelon · 02/11/2022 17:32

I think it's fair your DSD has the bigger room as she lives there. There's still a room for your son if he comes back.

5128gap · 02/11/2022 17:33

Tessasanderson · 02/11/2022 16:56

YABVU I am surprised you & your DH didnt make this decision 2 years ago when your young adult DS was living elsewhere 90% of the time.

Sounds to me like you want to make everything as easy as possible for DS to slip back into the nest. After 15 years it worries me that you have priorities like this towards your DS.

This. I find it strange you allowed him to keep the larger room to use for just 2 nights a week and your husband didn't question it. Very unfair to your SD and a pretty clear statement about which of the children is the most important in the family.

Darbs76 · 02/11/2022 17:35

Agree with your DH here

Workawayxx · 02/11/2022 17:35

Your DS has had the big room all this time, it's only fair now he's moved out (well - 3months after!) that DSD gets it now. I think your DH and DSD have been very patient waiting 3 months!

Quartz2208 · 02/11/2022 17:35

To be honest given he was away 5 out of 7 this should have been addressed before.

Now he has moved out of course she should get the bigger room!

wibblewobbleboard · 02/11/2022 17:36

I agree with your DH. Sorry.

AriettyHomily · 02/11/2022 17:37

He's 25!!!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 02/11/2022 17:37

My dd left to go to uni at 18. Term-time is 33 weeks, so potentially home nearly as much as she’s gone. I made her swap rooms with her 12yo brother so he has the big room because he’s the one who is living at home all the time.

Honestly, how unwanted must your stepdaughter be feeling right now? 2nd class, much?

If your son has been living with his girlfriend 5/7 of the time for the last 3 years - why on earth didn’t your daughter get the bigger room at 14?

RuthW · 02/11/2022 17:37

The dd has the room without doubt.

Weeboo · 02/11/2022 17:38

I agree with DH.

DS is 25. If he was 18 I'd say leave his room as it is for now, but he's a fully grown man, and he doesn't live in your house anymore.

Switch the rooms. DS will still have somewhere to stay if he visits.

Beach11 · 02/11/2022 17:38

You are unreasonable

Itsthepits · 02/11/2022 17:38

This is so crackers I’m wondering if it’s a reverse.

LutherRalph1 · 02/11/2022 17:39

YABU

EarringsandLipstick · 02/11/2022 17:39

Yup YABU.

A universal arse-handing for OP. I wonder if she'll be back? 😂

Blossomtoes · 02/11/2022 17:39

Who are the 2% who think this is reasonable?

Chikapu · 02/11/2022 17:40

Even if he did have to move back in temporarily he's grown up enough to understand that he now has the smaller room.
Did you want to keep it just the way it was when he was a child like in one of those weird American movies where kids bedrooms never change?

Ticksallboxes · 02/11/2022 17:40

YABU for sure!!

lunar1 · 02/11/2022 17:40

You and your husband move into the box room, and let his daughter have yours. Then you can keep your shrine as long as you wish.

FFS, he's 25, he will always have a bed, but the box room would be fine for that purpose.

Letthesunshineonin · 02/11/2022 17:41

You are being ridiculous. Get a grip and accept your little boy has moved out.