Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

Excellent point!

He’s 25 - is this a joke thread?

Exactly. You're being ridiculous, and your husband is right. Be careful this weird behaviour doesn't strain your marriage further.

Precisely

I can’t believe that after 2800 YABU OP is still arguing her case…

Ffs it’s simple. Move your sd into the bigger room (of course) then decorate the smaller one neutrally as a guest room. It’s there for your son should he ever need it. I’m sure he doesn’t expect the big room to be kept in reserve for him, he’s an adult.

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable

Yabu

I understand wanting him to still have a place in your home, but that should now be the small bedroom.

Was it your house before you got together with your partner?

You will be the overbearing MIL from hell. You definitely have the traits for it. FFS, you are so suffocating.

He has a room at his own house!

Imagine his gf coming on here saying her DPs mum keeps his room at home for him in case they break up!!...

There sound like a distinct undertone of you wanting their relationship to end.

I actually can't believe you've had the Gaul to come back here and try to justify this.

You'll end up with no family who want contact

I gave up my big room to a younger sibling when I left for uni at 18. There was still a bed for me whenever I came home, but it didn’t feel fair that I had a big room sitting empty waiting for me while my teenage sibling had to live full-time in a much smaller room that they had definitely outgrown.

It was hard at first and a bit of an adjustment for me but I knew it made total sense and I didn’t resent anyone for it. My parents did make an effort to make the smaller room feel like home for me, with a few of my things in there when I came home.

Your son is 25 and he’s taken all his things with him so the room isn’t even ‘his’ any more. Make sure the new spare room feels welcoming for him and his partner, that’s all that’s needed. He doesn’t need his old room sat empty indefinitely just in case he ever wants it back.

My dd doesn't (and never has had) a room at her fathers house, she will always have a room at my house, as will DSD who only stays occasionally, if DSD ever moved in full time (not likely) and DD moved out, then DSD would get the bigger room.

I have a great relationship with my SD I just feel like my son doesn’t have a room at his dads (my ex) so feel bad if he doesn’t have his room at mine should he need it

He can have the smaller room then.

Will you tell people why the small room is perfect for your SD but completely out if the question for your son?
This whole thing paints a very uncomfortable picture of life for your SD in your home. I feel awful for her.

I could never be with someone who would rather have a room in the house sitting empty than make my child happy by giving her said empty bigger room.

Imagine your darling son has a daughter one day, and his future wife keeps her in a tiny room because her older child (with his own property!!!) might want the bigger one back one day. You'd be livid, surely?!

My dh still wants to keep a room for his ds who hadn't lined with us for nearly 2 years!

I wouldn’t worry too much @Met82

I don’t think you’re going to be married for much longer, so you can go and buy a 2 bed house and keep the spare room for your son until he’s 50 and has a mid-life crisis and decides to move back home to mammy.

I hope you’ll both be very happy together.

You're treating your step daughter like shit.

You have sent the very clear message that she isn't important and your precious baby boy comes above her as he always has and that it is not SD or DH home but is somehow the home of someone who DOESNT LIVE THERE.

Frankly you DH and step daughter dont need to ask you or have your permission, its been their home for 10 years.

I wouldnt discuss it with you I would just devorce you to be honest, you have made you thoughts and feeling VERY clear and I wouldnt stay with someone who played favorites and treat my child as lesser.

If the rooms empty you're being even more unreasonable. No need for it to sit empty while your DSD has a small room.

You son is 25. Moved out on his own accord. Your son isn't more important than your DSD. I think you're being ludicrous.

Has the OP flounced?

It to the large room obviously!

Come on, who are the 2% that think OP is being reasonable?

I was wondering how long the OP thinks her adult son will need a room at her house. He's with a partner now, they may have children, they may get married, for how many years will she want to keep 'his' room, can he come for his silver wedding?

Empty nesters

Looks like it