Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

Yanvvvvvu

He's 25!! He's moved out.

I really hope this is a reverse.

YABU - as others have said he is 25 and a fully grown man. It would not be right to deprive someone who actually lives in the house the larger room, leaving it empty, just in case he comes back. It would also be unreasonable of him to expect you to as well and I’d be surprised if he did!

Blimey, OP. Give yourself a bit of a shake.
If your DS comes back he can move into the small room. Why should someone who lives there permanently have to be cramped?

Of course you are being unreasonable - as soon as the eldest child moves out, the younger one jumps into the biggest room!

This has got to be a reserve because it's absolutely ridiculous. Why would somebody leave a teenage girl in the smaller bedroom, and keep the larger bedroom empty for somebody who has moved out and bought their own property and more than likely won't be back? Absolutely barmy.

YABVU

Troll?
If your not a troll then DSD obviously gets the room rather than leaving it empty for an occasional grown man. So weird

Plus DSD has had the small room for 10 years it's her turn anyway for the bigger room

I changed the locks when mine moved out, just to be on the safe side. YABU.

I agree with everyone else.

Years ago my neighbour told me after her son moved to uni her younger Dd wanted to move into his bigger room (2 yrs younger). All her life she’d had the tiny bedroom. But her dad didn’t want his precious son to sleep in the little room during the holidays. The dad definitely had a favourite.

He's right, you're wrong, sorry OP.

I would have suggested the change 2 years ago when he started staying with his girlfriend 5 days a week!

You are not just being unreasonable, but slightly bonkers.

How unfair on dsd. I kind of struggle to accept that this is genuine but if it is, it's ludicrous.

1. It's not showing your son you have much faith in his decisions if you keep his room as a shrine 'just in case'

2.DSD must feel completely unwanted sitting in a small room when there's a bigger one up the hall that's been held for her adult step brother who moved out THREE MONTHS(!) ago 3.Unless you own the house and pay all of the mortgage without DH, it's his house too. You don't have ultimate final say over every decision and not every decision needs your approval.

1. If dsd can manage in a small room I'm sure your son can. If his life goes tits up I don't think his main concern will be that his bed is in a different room at mums house. If it is, he has bigger issues.

Literally 20 minutes after I moved out my parents had my bed dismantled, my carpet ripped up and a home bar installed. I was over the moon for them and I still enjoy going over for drinks! If I had a sibling still at home I'd have been delighted to see them take my big room when I moved out, isn't that just what happens?!?

You are being entirely unreasonable. A 17 year old who is presumably studying in her room, as well as living in it, obviously needs more space in the house than a man who moved out three months ago.

Much as I agree with always having a space for your adult children to come home to if things don’t work out for them , it doesn’t need to be their childhood bedroom . We have one spare bedroom , so the adult ( ! ) kids would have to take turns to have a crisis if they needed to move home ! The other old bedroom is now an office .

Its actually a bit unfair on the girlfriend and your son to have his room held open for him for when things don’t work out , as if you don’t have faith in their relationship.

Time to accept the first part of the empty nest I think , even if it feels a bit odd to start with and let your step daughter have the larger room .

You are totally unreasonable! Room changes happened in this house working 48 hours of eldest moving out.

YABVU

So the poor girl's been stuck in the small room whilst the big room has been empty, 5/7 nights for however long?

If you adult son needs to come back, he can. To the small room 🙄

Ahhh! It's a reverse, innit.

These should be bloody banned.

Of course your DSD should get the bigger room. How ridiculous keeping it empty on the off chance your DS decides to come home.

The day after DS went to uni DD moved her stuff in!!

YABU and also says a lot about how you feel regarding his relationship...

Surely this is a reverse

My dad moved into my room when I left home. My mum was over the moon. My poor dad is a bit of a snorer!

YABVU!
he's a grown man who's moved away from home.
she is a 17yo dependant who still lives at home.

Your DH is completely right in expecting that room to go to his daughter.