Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

You are being very very unreasonable!

I wonder what your sons GF ‘s parents have done with her old room now she has moved in with your son, have they wrapped her belongings in clingfilm and warned the cleaner not to disturb the dust on pain of instant dismissal or have they done what any sensible parents do when their children leave home as adults and turned her room into a study/ sewing room/ siblings room/ guest room/ pets room / junk dumping ground. For goodness sake, ask your SD how she wants to redecorate her new room and have a lovely time this weekend turning it into her space. If you still want a precious first born who is 25 years old shrine I am sure her old room can be made to look suitably shrine like with photos, candles and fairy lights……..

The same day I moved out of my parents house my brother moved into my old room.
YABU.

Sorry but ds has moved out. It’s only fair sd gets the bigger room. Your ds can then have the smaller room if he ever needs to come back.

She’s a 17 year old girl. Let her have the room

This wouldn't of even been a debate with me I'm afraid, the daughter would of been in the room the next day.

When you move out you forfit the big bedroom. Time to let go mama.

He's 25 he's spent 5/7 days away from home for the last 2 years he's moved in with his girlfriend he's been gone more that 3 months cut them strings woman.

I had three boys, as each one went off to university the next one was in that bedroom within an hour of boy no 1 leaving, same with boy 2 and 3. My sister was the same, when I went off to university she moved up the “ ladder to the bigger room.
I assumed this was normal and happened in every family!

Empty nesters.

@Met82 Is this yet another tedious reverse?

Are you actually the 17 year old stepdaughter? Does your stepmother leave you in the woods and you have to drop breadcrumbs on the path to find your way home?

I can't imagine the room will be an issue much longer. The 17 year old must be chomping at the bit to get out of a house where her stepmother prizes her absent son's comfort above an actual occupant of the home.

Keen to know if this is a reverse or just made up, as it can’t possibly be true 😂

I call reverse !

You are being totally unreasonable and the DD17 should have moved into the bigger room as soon as DS wasn't living there full-time!

He is 25 !!!!

This cannot be real. He's 25 and has moved out, time to cut the apron strings!!

The Brothers Grimm.

When my brother and I moved out, my parents tore down the wall and gave my sister a big room with a walkin closet 😂
I think they wanted to keep the last one at home forever!
Her old room turned into the guest room.

I think youre being ridicuouls and the DD should obviously get the bigger room!

You are completely out of order! No wonder your husband is angry! Your son has moved out, should he decided to stay or move back then it should be in the smaller room!

Must be a reverse. Come on, OP!

I'm totally with your DH on this. If he does return home, tough luck. Why shouldn't SS get a turn of the bigger room?

I moved out at 16. My younger sister took my big room within a couple of weeks. I did move home temporarily, twice, and didn't find it at all unreasonable that I was relegated to the boxroom.

YABVU. He's 25!!!

Massively unreasonable. If dd has had the smaller room for all that time it's only fair she swaps to the larger one now. You know now that there's no one actually living in it!
Your son can have the smaller room if or when he does come back. It's not like your husband is saying he should never darken your doors again is it?!

Your husband is right. Son has moved out, swap over the rooms and pop a single bed in the smaller one for him if he visits. Pretty standard.

I call reverse.
Otherwise YABVU

^this

Just his long would you plan on keeping his empty room waiting “just in case” your adult son wants to come back?

Sorry OP, YABVU.

Your son has moved out and it is only logical that his DD move into the bigger room for comfort. If you son's relationship does not work out, he'll have to move back into the smaller room. Ridiculous that a large room sits empty just in case your son 'might' need it.

This has to be a reverse. YABU - massively so.