Sat here crying about DD’s behaviour

[Cantfeelmuchthesedays]

I can’t take much more of it.
She woke up at 6 am, shouting she wanted to go downstairs, kicking me in my back.
Asking me to help her to do things and then getting angry as I’m doing it wrong. Constantly reacting and shouting and screaming. Following the dog around annoying her.
She’s not very pleasant anymore, at all and it’s causing huge problems between Dh and I, he’s stressed at work then comes home to shouting and screaming and taking ages at bedtime to sleep etc. Weekends are hell also.
We don’t have much patience anymore and I’m starting to dread waking up, my only peace is when I’m asleep.
I just don’t know what to do and if any of this is normal and a phase and will pass or something else. Taking her out is a nightmare, spending the day at home for 12 hours is worse.
As awful as it sounds, I miss my old life so very much, I don’t enjoy motherhood anymore and don’t know what happened to my lovely girl, I don’t know if we’re to blame or if it’s normal and we’re not emotionally strong enough.
Will this just be our lives now

How old is your daughter? So much is about ages and stages.

That sounds very hard OP. How old is she?

That sounds really tough

What are your morning and evening routines?

others have asked age

What time did she go asleep? And as asked what age is she? What parenting strategies do you use?

Sounds like she’s ruling you both and you are caving in to her demands, whatever age she is, you have to be stronger, kicking in the back is not acceptable behaviour.

This is really just dependent on age on generally. Following the dog around is expected behaviour for a toddler but not an 8 year old.
What’s wrong with her wanting to get up at 6?
It sounds like that annoyed you to begin with but 6 is a perfectly normal time for younger kids to want to get up.

I’m guessing 3ish?
Bedtime- have you tried sitting with her till she’s asleep? Sometimes with mine at this age I’ve just read and read to them. Literally 10-12 books with a more and more boring voice. I often finished with Duck in the Truck read in a really boring voice- having flashbacks now!

Dog
Is there any way to keep them separate so you don’t have to be on guard- eg put him in the kitchen with a gate?

Husband- 1 or 2 nights can he get in and take her to the park or for a walk for an hour.

She might be feeling the tension and feeding off this- it’s a tricky cycle to break- in big meaning in a judgy way. Is there anything special she likes to do with you? Could you sit and play Peppa pig world or wooden train track and try and build your bond a bit. I know it can feel tedious but the positive attention might help.

Exercise- does getting out the house help?

Time for some punishment and discipline.

Hard to contextualise this without knowing her age.

Oh and can you arrange some childcare so you don’t have 13 hour stretches? Childminders can be better value and more flexible than nursery.

Trouble is her daughter is 48...

😂

🤣

Age?

And what is your daily routine?

6am isn’t that unusual and would be seen by many as an acceptable time to get up. What time does she go to bed?

She’s just 4 and at pre school part time but off this week. The clocks changing and us all being ill at the moment (heavy colds and cough keeping her up at night) doesn’t help.
We have a great bond and always played together/did crafts/went out to lovely places, she’s my everything.
She’s so angry at the moment and lashes out and talks to us like crap. We’re so angry all the time with her for this, I’ve tried being gentle, being understanding, being strict, taking things away, time out, nothing changes, she’s so strong willed.
I put our dog upstairs, she follows her, outside, she goes outside. I’ve told her I’ll have to put the dog in a new home if it continues (I know that’s such a horrible thing to say)
She normally wakes around 7.30-8 and falls asleep around 8-8.30, she generally gets 12 hours sleep and needs this. She didn’t fall asleep until gone 9 last night and woke up
at 6, we were all awake through the night coughing.
I honestly feel like I’m living in some sort of hell.

*11 hours in general

Sounds ridiculous but when I look back at pictures of even this time last year doing so many nice things and the way things were, I cry. It’s like another child

Sounds so difficult and draining OP. When did things change?

They all through annoying stages, I'm currently barely surviving my almost 3 year olds moods and tantrums. I was hoping he would be calmer by the time he's 4 but maybe he won't be!

Nothing is simple or easy anymore, getting dressed/ready takes forever as she messes about, even getting in the car and sitting in the seat takes forever as she walks around the car for ages. Sick of always having negativity. I think everyday, ‘Right, today will be different’ and I try so hard, but it isn’t

@mikado1 Around April ish, but within the last month or so it’s really gone up a gear

Do you have any particular rewards for good behaviour? A star chart for each time she does something helpful, good or positive, with a treat if she gets X number of stars? If she does something with good manners or some other positive quality, make sure you give loads of praise so she learns to seek the positive attention.

Does she enjoy pre school,do they have any concerns. If you are all ill atm that won't help.when she is better and maybe calmer ,try to interact. The weather is crap now ,but on a nice day a walk maybe or what about swimming 🏊‍♀️? Take doggy for a walk ,talk about looking after him and having space .

Did it start with she started pre school? She might be worn out from that.
Have you tried praising every tiny good thing she does?
See if she can ‘help’ you with everything you do. I had to do this with my 1st child. Grandparents had been watching him and he was getting increasingly naughty. I literally involved him in everything I did- laundry he helped, cleaning he had his own spray. We washed garden toys together, raked leaves etc. He got loads of positive attention for this. I didn’t always finish tasks. In a couple weeks his grandad commented he was a different child.
Might be worth a go if you’ve done playing with toys/craft etc