Friend outed me - AIBU?

[Somefriend0]

I posted about something happening in my life (NC for this). Think a big life event with family drama becoming a problem. Some of the info was quite personal, but not identifying I thought!

Friend saw this, guessed it was me, and brought it up over dinner in front of 8 other people at the weekend. All friends and their partners, some are quite new relationships so I don't know them all that well. I denied it because she was talking about personal stuff I did not want other people knowing, but she just kept on going like a dog with a bone.

Our friends were obviously uncomfortable and I was just in shock.

I've known this girl since I was 5 and she's never done anything like this before. She is competitive and loves to get one up on people, but it's usually pretty harmless stuff.

I'm angry, embarrassed, and I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Yes it's a public forum but the whole point is that it's anonymous. I feel so hurt.

I kept a lot of things vague and any details would be pretty common things. Lesson learned though, be careful.

YABU - it's not a big deal, let it go.
YANBU - she was way out of line.

Maybe she'll even see this but I don't care!

What a complete and utter twat she is. She was purely attention-seeking. Everyone there would have thought she was nasty for doing what she did.

She sounds like a truly nasty, horrible woman.

If she was any kind of decent person, she would have brought it up privately to let you know that she thought it was you.

That's bitchy behaviour. Deliberately designed to make you uncomfortable. Keep her at arms length (and regularly change your username).

What a dick.

I hope she sees this so can see the comments and think about how she's behaved!

Some people are just plain nasty.

Call her out on it, I'd pull her aside and say that you denied at dinner because she made you very uncomfortable and you were not happy to discuss your private business at the table with a group of people watching and she shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. If she wondered she should have come to you directly and supportively.

I hope she reads this as well, what a twat! Who actually takes glee from others misfortunes, especially a so called friend.
Are you reconsidering the friendship?

Why NC if she already knew your username and will easily guess this is you too?

Yanbu but then why are you posting again?

Definitely have a word with her about it and don't feel embarrassed or awkward in doing so , she didn't give a damn how you were made to feel . Terrible behaviour

So this "friend" said in front of a load of other people 'Somefriend0 posted about XYZ on Mumsnet?"

😳

I thought the done thing to do was to ask discretely. Ie. Have you heard of mumsnet something like this was posted on there last week. In private.

YANBU. It actually sounds like she outed herself as a dick in front of loads of people though!

Sure, you always run the risk that you'll be identified, but her behaviour was out of line. She didn't know for sure it was you, she raised something that was obviously intended to be private in public, she ignored your clear signals to stop, and she made several other people who had no involvement uncomfortable. If she was concerned or even angry about your post/situation, she could have spoken with you alone. This sounds like it was at best entertainment for her, and at worst a desire to hurt you. I would speak with her one on one about it if you haven't; no need to admit it was your post as her intent and actions are the same either way.

We were talking about the 'event', just pretty generic stuff about how things were going. Then she said she came across a thread that sounded like it was from me and was talking about XYZ, she felt like she could hear my voice saying it as she read it.

What a cow! I don't understand why she did do that. Does she think the 'event' is not a big deal?

Sounds like a bit of a bitch to me and definitely not something that a good friend would do.

That's a very spiteful thing for her to do, irrespective of if she was correct or not. She meant to humiliate you.

No friend does that.

possibly lesson learned on how many details you need to change!

I always when posting change

1. sex and number of kids,
2. I invent or switch relatives parents or siblings about whom I am talking - my sister becomes my cousin or aunt, my aunt becomes my uncle etc etc
3. Always name change regularly and definitely after I have been on the schools board (I do post advice when asked about the school my kids go to then immediately name change!)

When I have previously "spotted" one or two people it is always because the make the situation too identifying or if you think you might vaguely know, then look back and see other threads which tie you in to the person.

She’s an utter twat, hope she reads this.
Complete idiot. She’s only shown herself up.

I hope she's reading this and realising she's a dick!
Read the room dixk head friend! It should be obvious unless you're an idiot 🤯

Thanks, you're absolutely right.

I thought I was vague enough but clearly not.

It's possible she saw MN on my phone or something and got my username that way either. Anyway, will be so careful from now on.

No point in NC as this situation is not common but I'm glad you posted so she can see what a nasty person everyone thinks she is

Yeah. My sister's like this. She once told half the kids in my year group at school that i was leaving and made everyone hate me

What a grade A bitch!

I wouldn't be able to forgive her for that,long friendship or short she sounds toxic OP.

Well if she is reading this, tell her she's a back stabbing cunt from me ☺️ xx