Friend outed me - AIBU?

[Somefriend0]

I posted about something happening in my life (NC for this). Think a big life event with family drama becoming a problem. Some of the info was quite personal, but not identifying I thought!

Friend saw this, guessed it was me, and brought it up over dinner in front of 8 other people at the weekend. All friends and their partners, some are quite new relationships so I don't know them all that well. I denied it because she was talking about personal stuff I did not want other people knowing, but she just kept on going like a dog with a bone.

Our friends were obviously uncomfortable and I was just in shock.

I've known this girl since I was 5 and she's never done anything like this before. She is competitive and loves to get one up on people, but it's usually pretty harmless stuff.

I'm angry, embarrassed, and I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Yes it's a public forum but the whole point is that it's anonymous. I feel so hurt.

I kept a lot of things vague and any details would be pretty common things. Lesson learned though, be careful.

YABU - it's not a big deal, let it go.
YANBU - she was way out of line.

Maybe she'll even see this but I don't care!

Women calling each other those names is not the same as men calling us those names. It's not misogyny.

The good thing is, OP, you now know her true colours, she has shown who she really is, and the people at the dinner now know it, and will now be wary of her because they will know what she's like. Hold your head up knowing that she will never know true friendship or loyalty, and she will in years down the track, regret shitting on a good friend when she is all alone. She will have no one to blame but herself. And she will do the same to another friend. She will eventually lose her friends. She won't be able to hide her true self now. You are better off now knowing the truth about her, and erasing the enemy from your life. She is the one that has to live with herself and what she's done.

She was out of line but it is definitely a lesson that posting personal stuff online is risky. It is also quite passive aggressive of you to post this thread rather than talking to her directly. Maybe you should take a step back from Mumsnet.

Here we go with the victim-blaming.....

This site is for support. If OP is 'passive aggressive' for posting to a support site, so is every single person that ever posted on this site about anything.

Thank you.

Sometimes it really does help to have outside perspective. It's good to know that most people would find this behaviour horrible and I'm not overreacting in being upset.

What’s happens on MN stays on MN, except when the sun, the daily mail ans the metro get hold of it… but yeah apart from that.

There should be a general code of ethics around raising someone’s personal posts in real life

What a horrible cow.

I didn't say it was passive aggressive to ask for support. I said it was passive aggressive to post a thread about this "friend" in the hope that she'll see it and feel bad. Which it is.

She is obviously a bitch, I suggest you ask mumsnet ASAP to delete all your previous posts before she starts checking other thread and quote others to other people to prove it was you.

She is not your friend, from now on she stays at arm distance and you don’t talk about ANYTHING to her unless you are talking about the weather.

Well she will recognise this too.

Hi dick.

Ew what an awful person. She looks like an idiot and any decent person won't want to be around someone like her. Hope you're OK. Let the toxic twerp go

What makes you think the OP posted "in the hope that she'll see it and feel bad."? That's aspersion but maybe she posted for support and not to make her feel bad? If she had wanted to do that, she would have posted in her original name and made sure she saw it. Not NCed.

Of course YANBU. What a nasty cow. I would be pulling right back from this friendship.

🤣🤣🤣

YANBU and it would be the end of the friendship for me.

But I would have just denied it was you.

By making this thread you have just proved to her and the group that it was definitely you though.

sorry, pressed yabu by mistake. y a definitely not b u. She was a cow

OP I don't want to make this about me however your post brought up a memory I had blocked. I had a very close friend from about the age of 12, up until my 20s. We went to the same high school together, and same college. We were talking in a group of acquaintances/friends and she brought up something sexual I did with a boyfriend, unusual that no one knew about. I denied it but she kept going on about it. She said later she did it because she wanted to 'fit in'. Like as if I didn't? She was always the popular one who never had any trouble fitting in, anyway. I was the quiet and shy outcast that barely spoke. Yet she used something personal I did as leverage to become more popular and to fit in.

I was off with her after, but I went home and cried and cried. I was always the person people went to to tell their secrets because they knew I'd never tell anyone, I never told anyone anything she ever told me in confidence, but she did that to me. Once that level of trust is gone, you can never get it back. I could never truly trust her after that and our friendship fizzled out, but I will never forget the deep hurt and betrayal I felt. You can't really come back from that. I wouldn't even bother contacting her to explain your hurt. I'd just block her and wipe her completely, no matter how hard it hurt.

I'd sack her off .

I get the bit about advising them to change their username, but I don't understand why you would tell them what your username was?

It's always useful whrn people show you who they are. Remember it.

At least you know now that she is not a friend. The rest of the group now know that she can't be trusted either. What a mean bitch.

I don’t just mean the NC, I mean giving away specific enough details that she could be outed at all.

@JennyNotFromTheBlock - OP has said herself she would be ok with this friend seeing it and reading all the negative comments about her. Coming back to the same forum, posting identifiable details again, this is not simply seeking "support" on an anonymous basis.

I am not saying OP is in the wrong, far from it, but really the best thing to do in this situation would be to step away from the keyboard and have a face-to-face conversation.

This person is not your friend. You have seen the kind of person they really are - acknowledge that and act upon it. Time to ditch.

OP, you deserve better friends!