Friend outed me - AIBU?

[Somefriend0]

I posted about something happening in my life (NC for this). Think a big life event with family drama becoming a problem. Some of the info was quite personal, but not identifying I thought!

Friend saw this, guessed it was me, and brought it up over dinner in front of 8 other people at the weekend. All friends and their partners, some are quite new relationships so I don't know them all that well. I denied it because she was talking about personal stuff I did not want other people knowing, but she just kept on going like a dog with a bone.

Our friends were obviously uncomfortable and I was just in shock.

I've known this girl since I was 5 and she's never done anything like this before. She is competitive and loves to get one up on people, but it's usually pretty harmless stuff.

I'm angry, embarrassed, and I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Yes it's a public forum but the whole point is that it's anonymous. I feel so hurt.

I kept a lot of things vague and any details would be pretty common things. Lesson learned though, be careful.

YABU - it's not a big deal, let it go.
YANBU - she was way out of line.

Maybe she'll even see this but I don't care!

"Mumsnet? Ha ha! Isn't that site not called NET-MUMS?! That's the thingy you're on about, right? Yeah I was on it years ago when I was expecting [childsname]"

Throws em right off. No self respecting MN viper would be a Netmums member

That's a really horrible, spiteful thing to do. She is not a friend.

Unless you've changed a lot of details about the confrontation, you've pretty much confirmed to her that she was right and you were lying. You should have stayed quiet and kept on denying it. If only to not embarrass the people who defended you against her.

Yes, but sometimes when people mention a school, or a town - then the situation becomes very localised.

Even if they don't name it but start talking about a school issue at a private school in Tunbridge wells, if you are in that location and know the private schools it can be the work of moments to work out who it is.

Otherwise specific situations - I had a very specific work situation, involving complexities of leave and notice before resigning and posted on here and then pretty much told (many) people the word for word story...I name changed rapidly and am now more careful with detail and altering it.

I also know I have around 5 or 6 friends on here. I recognise two of them regularly as I know their style of writing. One has a unique home situation she writes about to help others and the other is in a more remote location and again slightly unusual home setup, but never changes details when she writes! She has previously been outed too by someone local to her so should know better.

My 6 friends will probably be able to ID me as one of us 6 if they read this, even with some changed/vague details (and 6 isn't the correct number ! off to name change I go!)

I think it's as @DuchessofAnkh99 as said..you don't have to drop much what you might think is vague but what is actually slightly specific info into a post or sequence of posts and those similarly placed and well enough informed (e.g by living in the same area and /or having kids in same schools and / or being same line of work) can work out who you are.

Over the years I've certainly worked out the identity of one MN'er and have a strong suspicion I know who another one is...but I wouldn't dream of outing either.

I see your points (about being identifiable on here) certainly giving specific locations narrows it down, or of course putting your photo up and asking everyone “Guess my age” 😂.. always cringe at those.

I suppose some posters (for example the friend who uses her particular experience to help others) wouldn’t mind being recognised?

Anyway, just my musings.

I don’t think I could be completely certain of knowing someone on here so definitely wouldn’t ask them in real life “Are you spacegirl65 “ or whatever. How fucking awkward for all concerned!

Why would the friend who tried to move the conversation on be embarrassed?

You think it's some terrible stain on her honour? 😂

She is NOT a friend. I would speak to her, tell her something along the lines of:

"I am very upset and hurt that you brought ...up at the meal the other night. I do not want my personal business discussed like that in front of people I dont know that well. Please never do that again!"

She will bluster. Repeat, repeat, repeat ...the above.

And I would step back from her for good!!

I hope the bitch is no longer your friend?!

I think I would definitely be shifting her place in the order of priorities amongst my group of friends if I were you. She’d be heading right to the bottom of the Christmas card list.