Friend outed me - AIBU?

[Somefriend0]

I posted about something happening in my life (NC for this). Think a big life event with family drama becoming a problem. Some of the info was quite personal, but not identifying I thought!

Friend saw this, guessed it was me, and brought it up over dinner in front of 8 other people at the weekend. All friends and their partners, some are quite new relationships so I don't know them all that well. I denied it because she was talking about personal stuff I did not want other people knowing, but she just kept on going like a dog with a bone.

Our friends were obviously uncomfortable and I was just in shock.

I've known this girl since I was 5 and she's never done anything like this before. She is competitive and loves to get one up on people, but it's usually pretty harmless stuff.

I'm angry, embarrassed, and I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Yes it's a public forum but the whole point is that it's anonymous. I feel so hurt.

I kept a lot of things vague and any details would be pretty common things. Lesson learned though, be careful.

YABU - it's not a big deal, let it go.
YANBU - she was way out of line.

Maybe she'll even see this but I don't care!

Question is, @Somefriend0 what are you going to do about it? Will you ignore and carry on or have serious words with her?

This💯.

Most of what I put about me is mostly accurate, some specifics I keep vague, but it's always a mix at times.

All the best op

You said she likes to get a one up on people. It was your mistake it ignore that behaviour and think you would be immune to it. When people treat others badly they will do the same to you as soon as it is convenient for them.

She’s not your friend!

I think op was fine to ask mumsnetters the above question. This thread doesn’t seem to be driven by revenge or a desire to increase the drama.

I haven't read the whole thread but surely the thing to have done is just deny and make her look like the mad one. Turn back to her as in why would you be posting on mumsnet sort of thing. She can't explicitly prove its you unless she has your phone/laptop at hand and shows everyone your account.

I've recognised one person here because the thread details were so specific to the event but the interesting thing was that she completely twisted what had actually happened so she wouldn't be seen as unreasonable. I sometimes respond to her comments on other threads though

I'm going to go against the grain here and say this is on you OP.

When you post on a public forum like this there is always the danger that you will be identified, because you never know who is reading the posts. Even though it is supposed to be anonymous there could always be one small detail that gives the game away - so you post at your own risk.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that your "friend" isn't a real piece of work.

I hope you have removed her from your life now?

Thats a betrayal.

I’ve never been identified on a public forum that I am aware of. But I guess I don’t live in a small country either. I change usernames constantly. But I hear about it all the time on mumsnet. Kind of creepy. It does make me question how I do things and the details I give out online though.

She should've discussed it with you in private that's very humiliating for her to do that

I denied it but I'm a terrible liar and I think my embarrassment was probably obvious.

That's really mean of her. Hugs OP xx

It’s a horrible thing for her to have done. I’m trying hard to think of anything she might think could possibly justify it!

Was there anything negative in your original post that she might have interpreted as being about her? Difficult friend or anything like that?
Even so, it doesn’t excuse her, but just might make her slightly less of a bitch?

Yanbu, I’ve recognised someone before and I would absolutely never bring it up.

What a bitch.

I have an acquaintance like that op

Totally ours people or belittles people whilst pretending to not realise how uncomfortable it would make people feel.

Nasty spiteful way to behave

Step back from the toxic op

Wow what a backstabbing nasty piece of work she is.

I keep hearing Sister Michael from Derry Girls saying "I think we've all lost a bit of respect for you now Claire" while reading this - hey "friend" everyone that was there and everyone (apart from an odd bod) on this thread now know what you're really like!

I'm surprised how many people have recognised posters they know on here. There's something like 8 million unique users a month on Mumsnet, huge sections posting from all over the world.

I always thought it was coincidental if a situation on here looked similar to experiences in your own life. I mean no one knows for sure if they've spotted Hannah's mum from Brownies do they? It's speculation and very rare to have a real life "dilemma" that's unique.

However, Op appears to be have been not only recognised but publicly humiliated so it's possible although I still think extremely rare.

NRTWT but what a bitch. You don’t need people like this in your life. I had an old school “friend” who dropped me after her wedding - no explanation as to what I had done wrong. I lost weight before her wedding, at which I was a bridesmaid, but my main motivation for the weight loss was another friend’s wedding a few months earlier who had 3 other bridesmaid who were all size 8 and I didn't want to be the one fat bridesmaid!
Thing was, I realised afterwards that she had always been a toxic influence in my life, gas lighting me on several issues and being downright mean and rude about me in front of her other “friends”. I’m quite glad she cut me off as my new husband would never have tolerated her crap behaviour. I hear about other friends who have stayed in touch with her and they complain about her behaviour and I just think how glad I am to not be exposed to it any longer.
I do wish her well and her family, but I don’t lose a minute’s sleep over the lack of communication now and just pity those who are still exposed to it.
Wow - that was therapeutic!

It’s wild isn’t it? It seems so unlikely but it happens more than I thought I suppose.

I mean even if I saw a situation that seemed familiar I would have probably just assumed it was all a coincidence.

If anything it is the kind thing to do unless they’re like sleeping with your spouse or something. lol

What a nasty thing to do! I wouldn't even bother to explain why (to her), just block her. If you message her, or have any other contact, knowing what you know now, she could turn that against you. She could even show any messages you send her to other people. Cut her out completely, and good riddance.

She is no friend. When someone shows you who they are believe them. She is nasty, vicious and cannot be trusted

Yeah, I'm with the masses on this. She is way out of line.

Wow, she's an utter bitch. She'd be my ex-friend after this. She deliberately set out to embarrass/humiliate you for her own twisted gain.

Had I been one of the other guests at the dinner, I'd be thinking what a horrible person she is, who has shown her true colours, and would definitely be a person to avoid in the future.

Same. I have anywhere between 1 and 4 kids. Ages always vary. Their sexes get changed more than Eddie Izzard. My neighbours are varied ages, familial groups (ie Mum, dad and kid, or adult mum and adult son etc.) The basics of my posts are truth but the details are always purposely changed so if anyone was to do an advanced search, they would say, "Oh that can't be so and so. They live in Gloucestershire according to them last week and we're nowhere near that!"

I've never been to Gloucestershire. Can't even spell it. Autocorrect fixed it for me!

OP your friend is nasty. I hate when people try to put down or embarrass someone just to make themselves look better or more interesting. Vile type of people.