Friend outed me - AIBU?

[Somefriend0]

I posted about something happening in my life (NC for this). Think a big life event with family drama becoming a problem. Some of the info was quite personal, but not identifying I thought!

Friend saw this, guessed it was me, and brought it up over dinner in front of 8 other people at the weekend. All friends and their partners, some are quite new relationships so I don't know them all that well. I denied it because she was talking about personal stuff I did not want other people knowing, but she just kept on going like a dog with a bone.

Our friends were obviously uncomfortable and I was just in shock.

I've known this girl since I was 5 and she's never done anything like this before. She is competitive and loves to get one up on people, but it's usually pretty harmless stuff.

I'm angry, embarrassed, and I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Yes it's a public forum but the whole point is that it's anonymous. I feel so hurt.

I kept a lot of things vague and any details would be pretty common things. Lesson learned though, be careful.

YABU - it's not a big deal, let it go.
YANBU - she was way out of line.

Maybe she'll even see this but I don't care!

YANBU at all. Really poor form from your friend. I once recognised a poster I knew in real life from a thread - didn't comment on the thread, never mentioned it to her. I'm always a bit paranoid about anything identifying, and I don't share anything remotely interesting. I just don't want anyone going, 'oooh, that's the doctor, what else has she posted' and searching out my posts!

@Anamechangeisasgoodasarest it seemed the fairest way to even things up in the circumstances.

Fuck that. No way would I waste time ‘talking’ to someone who did what she did.

’Friend’ has made her position clear, there’s nothing to be said.

I’m sure there is more than one side to this.
also why post anything on mn? If you’re so worried about being outed it’s simple.., don’t post!

I wasn't worried because I thought I had kept things vague.

You think it's ok for a friend to bring up very personal information about you in front of a group of people?

I don’t know, she clearly had some kind of grievance or there is a backstory to this!

She's a dick. There's a couple of times over the years I've thought I might recognise an OP. I've done nothing, said nothing, hidden the thread and put it out of my mind.

If they wanted to speak to me about the problem they would do, I know from vast experience that many times it's easier to say difficult things or ask for unbiased advice to an 'anonymous' crowd than to an individual friend.

There’s 2 sides to every story I say and in a court of law both sides would be heard so it’s only fair not to judge the other person. But here on mn it’s a free for all torrent of abuse usually/

She is not your friend.

She is extremely nasty.

I would avoid her completely going forward.

Only a really ugly person would seek to hiumiliate another.

She has shown you who she is.

You would be wise to listen.

Even if she had a grievance (I have no idea what, I haven't done anything to her) is that the way to handle it? To try to humiliate your friend in front of other people?

Not sure why you think I deserved that treatment.

I don’t know you or the backstory to this. Yes I wouldn’t have said it in front of other people but it depends if you’ve done something similar to her in the past.

(And she felt hurt by that)

I used to be outed on here by an ex family member publicly, she found me on aibu, then I happened to have found her and did the same! Of course she’s denied it was her when it is so so obvious it is. I actually admitted it was me as I was so shocked at being outed it was obvious I’d been outed.

For some reason she's wanted to humiliate you. It just isn't something that you'd do to someone. She, for whatever reason, is no longer the friend she once was. She's had nothing else on anyone, or you, so has gone in for the kill.

I didn't do anything to her! You are completely making things up.

I agree it was shitty but what are you going to do ?

She's an ex-friend now, right?

Um.... no. There is NOT 'always' 2 sides to a story, you seem very naive. Sometimes people are just bad eggs and hurt people and the other person didn't deserve it.

What are you even doing on Mumsnet if you cannot understand the basic concept of the site?

There are people in this world that only feel better about themselves if they put others down. Normal people around them that witness this often realise that person is a dick and that is why these types have superficial friendships and relationships only.

Dump her from your life OP. These people suck the living bejeezuz out of you long term. You don't realise how much energy you are putting in to keeping the friendship 'nice' until you dump them and the freedom feeling sets in.

A true friend would have taken you aside and talked about it like an adult or not mentioned it at all.

I think I'd pretend I didnt use mumsnet! Although some people know I do... surely its only fair she tells you her username now? She's definitely unreasonable though she should have let it go as soon as you said it wasn't you

Was it here in AIBU?

If so, ‘friend, you are a total and utter swamp dwelling piece of shit’

Why would you do that. Why?

I hope that this behaviour somehow gets paid forward to you in some other capacity, you utter shit stain of a human being.

She’ll be reading this OP. She’ll come back to see because she’s a narc.

Unfortunately she won’t care that everyone’s saying she’s a dick. She’ll probably just feel vindicated and maybe show it to some of your friends to prove it 🙄

Can't believe anyone defending her. It's such a low thing to do. I wouldn't tell a soul if I saw someone on here that I recognised and definitely not the poster! I'd just forget the name and never search their history.

I don’t really care if anyone recognises me on here but I certainly would be miffed to be outed or to have it used against me in some way…

Change your friend OP. She’s not a friend