DH said he'd leave if I take this job

[MatchaGreen]

I've been (very unhappily) working from home for a few years.

I don't see anyone, don't have any colleagues, and need a change.

I've applied for a new role, however, DH has said that if I go through with the training he will divorce me. It's a common job, plenty of people do it, but he thinks the industry is just notorious for affairs and sleeping with each other.

What would you do in this situation?

Is it the police?

Probably do the job as your dh sounds v controlling.

Start the training, finish the Husband

So he doesn't trust you to fuck the first wiling person you meet

Is he always so controlling and insecure?

Id be taking the job and saying bye.

What’s his solution then? You carry on being unhappy? Did you get to control what job he did?

Id be resigning from my marriage. 🤷

Well you’ll have to end it either way now, as you can’t stay with someone who gives you ultimatums.

So you may as well take the job. If your relationship recovers after that, fine. But it won’t be able to recover if you don’t take the job in response to threats.

Does the idea of this new job fill you with excitement or pleasure? If so take it. Life is too short to be miserable at work, as well as, by the sounds of it, at home.

Unless the new role is 'Dancer on Strictly' he's being an arse.

Do the training.

I know it's easy to say LTB, but we've been together for a long time. I don't know if he'd actually go through with it, but I know he'd make it difficult for me and make it very clear he wasn't happy.

He's liked you at home not seeing anyone hasn't he? He sounds pathetic. Take the job.

I fear this may be the case.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Good point.

He sounds very controlling.
his behaviour is coercive to keep you at home, isolated and with limited contact and opportunities.

is that the life you really want?

Give him a list of solicitors & tell him to take his pick.
Come on, @MatchaGreen - you have to see what a controlling person he is? How can you live like that? :-(

He’s pretty weird, if you don’t mind my saying so. This sort of attitude went out before the war in England.

What else are you going to do which might upset him and make him threaten to divorce you? Paint the sitting room a colour he doesn’t like? Change the supermarket you shop at? Turn the heating down? Not want as many children as him?

Hes given you an ultimatum. Take it.

Then you will end up getting divorced anyway.

Either when you gather your senses and are near retirement, or when you still have loads of life left like now if you take the job.

Man he really likes you isolated doesnt he?

You can't go back from those kinds of ultimatums. It's going to breed resentment in you eventually.

Tell him he doesn't get to make threats like that, thankyou for the trust and if he's so easy about threatening to leave you whenever he feels like it then it makes sense to sort out better options for yourself .

Outrageous.

So he forbids you to work outside the home as he doesn't like you interacting with other men, and when you try to he threatens to leave? Look up coercive control, OP. Red flags all over the place.

I think you need to read up on domestic abuse . Have a look at the Freedom Programme online. I bet you wil recognise your husband. Oh, and take the job

I really appreciate everyone's input. I feel a bit lost with everything right now.

Would you really end everything if your DH said this to you? Even after 10 years?

If it's the police then yes it's very notorious for that. I would hate my partner joining but obviously I don't control him so if that's what he needed to do then so be it

Honestly, yes I would. Well, I would certainly take the job- and if it ended my relationship, so be it. I could never be controlled by someone like this. Your husband can’t be fulfilling all of your social and emotional needs- it’s so important to have friends, colleagues, a life outside of your relationship. He doesn’t trust you either, which if a huge issue in itself.