This is exactly me as well. I forget things all the time, forget to put things straight in my diary, and sometimes the diary is so full (work and kid related things, rarely exciting!) I miss or double book my own things I have put in....there is a chance she doesn't care, but there is every chance she just forgot. I would ask her about it and let her know how much it upset you, and see what's her response. Maybe just be a bit more careful organising things for her in future.

I suppose my problem was taking her word. Her diarising / timekeeping had improved as it had been discussed with her on numerous occasions.

I have other friends that say keep X date free in X month for X event. I wouldn't expect to be reminded every few weeks about it. Same with calender reminders go for work meetings months in advance. Do I expect the organiser to follow up every few weeks?

Is it not my own personal responsibility to organise my own calendar? I don't expect anyone to act as my PA.

No one said you should be reminding her every few weeks. People have said that organizing a date three months in advance and then radio silence on the matter (despite talking to her regularly) until the week before isn’t normal and that lots of people might think it was a plan that hadn’t come to fruition and would be easily forgotten about. (I also find it odd that someone you’re so close to and speak regularly to hasn’t mentioned that they’re going abroad in a month, though, so it may be we’re all misinterpreting your relationship.)

You’ve spent three months thinking about this and planning it, so to you, it is a big deal, you’ve invested a lot in it. But your friend got asked to put a date in the diary and that was it. She hasn’t had the same experience over the last three months of thinking and anticipating. She’s just forgotten about a date mentioned once.

All sorts of dates are followed up on. One of the reasons for save-the-date cards followed by formal invitations with RSVPs for big events is to build in a process that is less likely to slip by the way side in the back and forth of a conversation. I’m not suggesting it’s your fault because you didn’t follow up. I’m simply saying this is normal for humans, lots of people might have forgotten in the circumstances you describe. This isn’t simply the preserve of people who are terrible at time keeping.

To be fair if you mentioned my birthday months ago then didn’t say anything about it again til the week before I’d assume you’d forgotten or changed your mind anyway! And I’m the least flaky person!!

id feel too rude to ask you about it too! ‘Excuse me are you still planning fun stuff for my birthday?’ Just sounds ridiculous

When you are chaotic you don’t live like that. I have a calendar , sometimes I remember to write on it , sometimes I look at it and forget what I’m doing on the way to places if I get distracted. My point was you have to find things that work for you. Mine is setting a reminder a day before. The time I need to leave AND putting a post it on my front door.

"Hi, can you remind me what weekend we set aside because I'm looking at booking a holiday and don't want to get it mixed up!"

It's really not that hard.

I find this really confusing - you are in contact a lot and you didn’t talk about the things you booked?! I simply cannot believe that you either did mention this planning aspect and/or that it didn’t trigger her to remember the weekend. Sounds to me like like she is full of it and got a better offer. She’s not your friend.

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