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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my BIL won't fix my car for me?

239 replies

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:15

My 4 yo (26,000 mile) car had a major service this week and I was told my disc brakes needed changing and my alternator belt too. Around £400 which I simply can't afford. Main dealer of course.

I spoke to my BIL who is a car mechanic who said he would order the parts at 60% off and do the work for me. We do live 4 hours away, but there is no rush and we could meet in the middle or I would go down there.

Yesterday, total about face and he said take it to a nearby garage and they will do it for about £100 and he would give me the website for the parts. So basically fuck all to help.

The thing is I have spent the last 18 months helping him with a legal case as he is dyslexic. I have spent literally hours and hours writing reports, responses and witness statements for him. Its a complex case. I've repeatedly said I don't want anything when he offered me money, weekend away etc.

AIBU to be fucked off that now I want something that he offered initially and I didn't ask for, has been withdrawn? AI also BU to stop all work on his legal case? Shall I just ignore him if he calls as I'm upset and angry?

OP posts:
VanillaSpiceCandle · 27/10/2022 18:19

He sounds like a rude ungrateful bastard. A one off job which would only take a couple of hours versus a year of complex work.

I wouldn’t ignore him, I’d tell him exactly why you’re upset and ask him to help you whilst reminding him how much you’ve helped him.

Quveas · 27/10/2022 18:20

So you can pay £400, which you can't afford, or go to the garage that your BIL knows who will charge a quarter of that. And you think he's being unreasonable? That's "fuck all help"? There's plenty of people who would be grateful for that "fuck all".

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 27/10/2022 18:22

Tell him you will carry on with case support in return for fixing your car (maybe give a limit in hours based around equivalent value).

girlmom21 · 27/10/2022 18:22

I don't think the two things are comparable in any way, shape or form.

If he's 4 hours away it won't cost much more to pay the garage than it would to drive to him.

He's offered you money for your help and you've declined. To drop his legal assistance now would be really unkind.

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:26

Quveas · 27/10/2022 18:20

So you can pay £400, which you can't afford, or go to the garage that your BIL knows who will charge a quarter of that. And you think he's being unreasonable? That's "fuck all help"? There's plenty of people who would be grateful for that "fuck all".

I've not charged him a penny for hours and hours of complex work. He's 'thanked' me over and over for it. I can't afford £100 plus the parts. He could do it for free as a real way of thanking me.

OP posts:
Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:27

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 27/10/2022 18:22

Tell him you will carry on with case support in return for fixing your car (maybe give a limit in hours based around equivalent value).

Unfortunately after 18 months work, the case is practically at the end and we are just waiting for the defendants to sign an agreement. Otherwise I would be doing this.

OP posts:
LiftyLift · 27/10/2022 18:30

I was about to say YABU for expecting help, but given what you’ve done for him he is a CF. YANBU.

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 18:30

It sounds like he's found a really sensible helpful solution to me. Much better than you driving 4 hours and surely the cost isn't much different?

Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:30

If he’s offered you money in return for the legal work, can’t you just tell him to pay for the repair to your car?

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:31

girlmom21 · 27/10/2022 18:22

I don't think the two things are comparable in any way, shape or form.

If he's 4 hours away it won't cost much more to pay the garage than it would to drive to him.

He's offered you money for your help and you've declined. To drop his legal assistance now would be really unkind.

It would cost me around £40 in petrol to travel to him or half that if we met halfway. How is that comparible? Its not even the money that the point its being happy for me to spend 18 months going through his legal case and then not doing anything for me.

He has offered money in the past, so why didn't he say he would pay to repair the car. £150 tops.

The work I've done on the legal case has gained him £50,000. He was going to give up the case 18 months ago.

OP posts:
Beneficialchampion2 · 27/10/2022 18:32

I find it hard to believe your car needs new discs after 26k miles (pads I could understand) not unless it's a high performance car anyway, either that or it's been sat for long periods of time allowing the discs to corode. Have you had the pads changed before?

In my opinion YABU.

Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:32

He has offered money in the past, so why didn't he say he would pay to repair the car. £150 tops.

Have you asked….?

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:32

Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:30

If he’s offered you money in return for the legal work, can’t you just tell him to pay for the repair to your car?

He didn't offer to in this instance, just advised me to pay for it myself. I can hardly say, remember when you offered me a weekend away, or money. :-(

OP posts:
Blowyourowntrumpet · 27/10/2022 18:32

I think he's being reasonable. He's sourcing the parts cheaper and your finger have to drive for four hours

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:33

Beneficialchampion2 · 27/10/2022 18:32

I find it hard to believe your car needs new discs after 26k miles (pads I could understand) not unless it's a high performance car anyway, either that or it's been sat for long periods of time allowing the discs to corode. Have you had the pads changed before?

In my opinion YABU.

No driven most days, and its a toyota Aygo, so hardly high performance.

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 27/10/2022 18:33

Why did you turn down the money he kept offering you? That seems really silly - especially when you're now in a position where you can't pay to repair your car.

I think your BIL's compromise is sensible - after all, it would cost you a fortune in petrol to drive an 8 hour round trip just to get him to do the work, surely?

Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:33

But if you’re thinking about telling him you won’t do any more legal work, surely it’s less confrontational just to say, in return for the legal work could he pay for the car repair?

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 18:34

Would it be be very wrong for me to say if you have such valuable skills, I'm not sure why you can't raise £100 to get your car fixed?

Obviously it's unreasonable that you've done so much free work, but isn't it madness to drive 4 hours each way to save c. £50?

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:35

Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:32

He has offered money in the past, so why didn't he say he would pay to repair the car. £150 tops.

Have you asked….?

No. I feel that if someone doesn't offer, then they don't want to do it willingly. He specifically said take it to a garage.

OP posts:
Doyouwritecards · 27/10/2022 18:36

If you won’t ask, then I think YABU.
I see why you’d be upset, but you said he’d offered money on multiple occasions. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

RincewindsHat · 27/10/2022 18:37

So send him a message saying that you can't afford the £400 right now, but as he's been looking for a way to thank you for your hard work over 18 months which has netted him £50,000, repairing your car in this instance would be much appreciated as a thank you gesture.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 18:38

That sucks but now you know where you stand. Tell him to order the parts and get them sent to you (a link is useless as you need to know what you are looking for), plus it means he gets to pay. He might even have a mechanics discount card so even cheaper.

Then take it to a garage or price up a mobile mechanic.

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:38

thelobsterquadrille · 27/10/2022 18:33

Why did you turn down the money he kept offering you? That seems really silly - especially when you're now in a position where you can't pay to repair your car.

I think your BIL's compromise is sensible - after all, it would cost you a fortune in petrol to drive an 8 hour round trip just to get him to do the work, surely?

Because I'm nice. It would only take a full tank to get there and back. Its only a tiny toyota. He could meet me halfway or he had planned to visit us next year.

OP posts:
Sestriere · 27/10/2022 18:39

What does your sister or DH have to say, since he’s an in law.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 18:39

Why do you keep mentioning meeting halfway?

do you expect him to jack up your car and do the work in a Moto car park?
you need to drive there ensure there’s garage space available and pay for parts.

your BIL may be a mechanic but that doesn’t mean he has free access to a garage - if he’s an employee his boss may well not allow him to do freebies for extended family or give him free access to the workspace.

he’s likely suggested the garage local to you as this would be cheaper all round