That my BIL won't fix my car for me?

[notmyrealmoniker]

My 4 yo (26,000 mile) car had a major service this week and I was told my disc brakes needed changing and my alternator belt too. Around £400 which I simply can't afford. Main dealer of course.

I spoke to my BIL who is a car mechanic who said he would order the parts at 60% off and do the work for me. We do live 4 hours away, but there is no rush and we could meet in the middle or I would go down there.

Yesterday, total about face and he said take it to a nearby garage and they will do it for about £100 and he would give me the website for the parts. So basically fuck all to help.

The thing is I have spent the last 18 months helping him with a legal case as he is dyslexic. I have spent literally hours and hours writing reports, responses and witness statements for him. Its a complex case. I've repeatedly said I don't want anything when he offered me money, weekend away etc.

AIBU to be fucked off that now I want something that he offered initially and I didn't ask for, has been withdrawn? AI also BU to stop all work on his legal case? Shall I just ignore him if he calls as I'm upset and angry?

@BlueBar I'm skint. Valuable skills in deciphering legal letters and countering the defendants claim, unfortunately won't pay my bills. I like(d) helping him as I thought he was a nice guy.

Also if you wanted paying for the work, you should have said so. Not declined his offer then resent him for not ‘repaying’ you in your specific and expected way (that you’ve not communicated).

the work you’ve done for him was your choice. You declining to be paid for it was your choice.
not doesn’t mean he’s responsible for ‘repaying’ you in this way

Lesson learned next time he is in need send him a link and a suggestion of someone local

Him not doing a specific favour in exactly the way you want doesn’t make him a not-nice guy

But he offered and that got my hopes up around saving the money for christmas and kids presents, and then withdrew the offer.
When I called him from the car showroom it was simply for advice, I wasn't expecting him to offer to pay, but when he did it was great. So why say the opposite the following day?
He made me feel like shit who wasn't worth doing anything nice for when I'd done so much for him.

It sounds like he would have liked to help you but has realised its impractical to do so because if the distance and possibly facilities needed to do so, so instead he's given you the benefit of his knowledge/experience to find the best solution - which is essentially "all" you have done for him.

Yes. I cannot be bothered with him any more. He's made £50,000 from my hard work so that's me, done.

Stop whinging about it and develop some valuable skills in asking for what you want. It is what it is, you might want him to offer to do it but he clearly isn't going to so just ask. It doesn't matter if you don't want to, what you want isn't going to happen. Suck it up or address it directly.

Or you can continue making excuses on here to a bunch of strangers as to why you can't ask, and continue driving an unsafe car. Those are pretty much your options. It's not fair and he's being a dick, but you have the choice to call him out on it.

Maybe because he’s checked with his boss and is not able to?
maybe because there are other logistical challenges you aren’t aware of(insurance, facilities etc)?

maybe he offered initially because his is in fact a nice guy but is not able to deliver on his offer due to circumstances outside of his control?

I understand your disappointment, but why, as you’re so nice, don’t you have a conversation with him rather than slag him off in the internet?

You wouldn't be skint if you had charged him for the legal work. Perhaps send him an invoice?

Also making your kids Christmas presents his responsibility is pretty low.

honestly you sound like a martyr

No. I've sat at my laptop for hours typing up his witness statement, reading the response from the defendents, answering their responses, talking over zoom with his solicitor and an 8 hour Zoom session with him and the mediator. He has £50,000 going into his bank account once the agreement is signed. I've not just advised him. He was going to cave in and not fight the case, but I pursuaded him to.

He was coming up for christmas anyway. The invite is now rescinded.

I'd say you're a mug, not nice.

I run a business and my family pay full price because a) they respect what I do and b) I am not a charity.

Did you ask him why he withdrew the offer. Also, if you need the work done, why would you wait until he visits next year?
Perhaps he was trying to find a better solution for you, easier local garage for cheaper price and sourcing cheaper parts for you.

Why not just text him and say, I know I turned down your offer for cash for all the work I've done on your case, but I could really do with some now to payfor the local garage and parts.

He can only say no. But he might agree that's fair.

Wow! That’s pretty petty!

Oh dear. Yabu. He's got £ 50 000 in cash purely from your work according to you. I highly doubt that. You're looking for sympathy but the easiest , most logical thing to do is to do what he's suggested. And then say, I haven't got the money but seeing as you've offered to pay me for the work I've done could you please transfer me £100, here's my bank details.

Why don’t you say that you didn’t want payment for the work done but as you are having trouble paying for the car and Christmas you would really appreciate a contribution of £xxx for the work over the last year.

I would give him the details of another lawyer and stop all work.

Yes it is. And in sure his solicitor didn't have anything at all to do with him getting the money, it's all on the OP.

He's got a lawyer.

Tbh I would go via your sibling to say to him that you would really appreciate if he would either do or organise and pay for the work on account of all the work you've done for him for free

The problem with people getting stuff done for free is that they don't appreciate it. Does BIL know exactly how many hours you've done on his behalf?

If not, I would spell it out to him. And ask explicitly for him to do you this favour.

Okay so he’s got a lawyer - but the work you’ve done would have been an absolute pain to do.

i would stop doing anymore. and I’d tell hiM why.

For everyone saying his boss might not allow it etc, brakes and belts are easily changed on a drive. My husband does all of ours. It requires a little knowledge and sometimes a bit of brute strength, thats all. An hour tops.

That’s right, but his success is only down to how nice the OP is!

@FurAndFeathers
He is self employed. He has insurance in place. What circumstances? He would have the next 6 months to do it. The internet is anonymous and he definitely isn't on MN. I wanted to see if I was BU to be hurt.
@AlisonDonut Maybe I will send him an invoice for all my work!
@RincewindsHat The car isn't unsafe. He told me that, as did the guys who did my MOT 2 months ago. This is just typical main dealer money grubbing.

And what would be the point in asking? He clearly doesn't want to do it and I'm not going to put him on the spot by asking him. I'll just ghost him.