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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my BIL won't fix my car for me?

239 replies

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:15

My 4 yo (26,000 mile) car had a major service this week and I was told my disc brakes needed changing and my alternator belt too. Around £400 which I simply can't afford. Main dealer of course.

I spoke to my BIL who is a car mechanic who said he would order the parts at 60% off and do the work for me. We do live 4 hours away, but there is no rush and we could meet in the middle or I would go down there.

Yesterday, total about face and he said take it to a nearby garage and they will do it for about £100 and he would give me the website for the parts. So basically fuck all to help.

The thing is I have spent the last 18 months helping him with a legal case as he is dyslexic. I have spent literally hours and hours writing reports, responses and witness statements for him. Its a complex case. I've repeatedly said I don't want anything when he offered me money, weekend away etc.

AIBU to be fucked off that now I want something that he offered initially and I didn't ask for, has been withdrawn? AI also BU to stop all work on his legal case? Shall I just ignore him if he calls as I'm upset and angry?

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 27/10/2022 18:59

Why would you not ask for something from his £50K windfall?

Calmdown14 · 27/10/2022 19:00

Do you by any chance live by the sea? It's brutal on disk breaks.

I would say 'okay, can you send me that £400 for submitting your report. End of the week will be fine."

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:01

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 18:58

For everyone saying his boss might not allow it etc, brakes and belts are easily changed on a drive. My husband does all of ours. It requires a little knowledge and sometimes a bit of brute strength, thats all. An hour tops.

And if a belt or brakes failed would the work be guaranteed/insured? Or would Bil be personally liable? garages will have insurance to cover work done by employed staff on their premises.

Fine to take that risk for yourself. Different to open yourself up to liability from someone who is clearly prepared to be petty.

MrsCarson · 27/10/2022 19:02

He's being unreasonable, you have spent so much to help him, now it's his turn he's wants to back out and leave you in the lurch. Not a nice guy.

MingoDringo · 27/10/2022 19:03

Surely you've not really uninvited him from Christmas? Grin

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:03

@FurAndFeathers You clearly want to be the fly in my soup.
also @RedHelenB Of course he had a solicitor, but he was not going to pursue the case because it overwhelmed him. It was my pursuading him to go on with it and promising to do the actual paperwork involved, that encouraged him to go ahead. I have said that but you clearly haven't read it. So he is £50K up purely because of the work I did on his behalf.
You've clearly never been involved in a complex legal case if you think the solicitor does all the work. Believe it or not they actually need something to put into the legal letters to the defendants!

OP posts:
Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:04

MingoDringo · 27/10/2022 19:03

Surely you've not really uninvited him from Christmas? Grin

Yes, I will indeed!! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:07

Calmdown14 · 27/10/2022 19:00

Do you by any chance live by the sea? It's brutal on disk breaks.

I would say 'okay, can you send me that £400 for submitting your report. End of the week will be fine."

No, although the first owner (2 yrs ago) did! I had my previous car 5 years from new (same model) and never needed discs or alternator belt doing. Mileage was more too.

OP posts:
Diyextension · 27/10/2022 19:07

Just send him a bill for all the work you’ve done , say 400 quid ? And get the car fixed 🙂

Brigante9 · 27/10/2022 19:07

Sack him off, no more favours. Is he married to your sister or your DH’s brother? I’d be fuming and wouldn’t hesitate to tell him.

I think you’re mad to use a dealership-what’s wrong with eg Kwikfit or a local garage? You get the parts-it’ll save you loads-and find a nearby garage. Mine did work for a 1/3 of the price the dealership wanted for a specific bit of work.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:08

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:03

@FurAndFeathers You clearly want to be the fly in my soup.
also @RedHelenB Of course he had a solicitor, but he was not going to pursue the case because it overwhelmed him. It was my pursuading him to go on with it and promising to do the actual paperwork involved, that encouraged him to go ahead. I have said that but you clearly haven't read it. So he is £50K up purely because of the work I did on his behalf.
You've clearly never been involved in a complex legal case if you think the solicitor does all the work. Believe it or not they actually need something to put into the legal letters to the defendants!

Yep much easier to dismiss my entirely reasonable questions about facilities, insurance and communication and to hold your BIL responsible for you kids Xmas, uninvite him from family occasions and slag him off to strangers than to give him the benefit of the doubt and have an actual conversation.

you really are lovely! 😆

MishaBukvic · 27/10/2022 19:09

Just curious.... if you're so skint to the extent you can't afford £100 , why is the car booked in for a service at a main dealer anyway ?

EmmaDilemma5 · 27/10/2022 19:13

I really do think you're being dramatic.

Just text him, and say something like "you know you were asking to pay me for the work I've done on the legal case, I'd never accept cash as we're family, but if at all possible, could you do the work on my car? I'm really hard up at the moment and it would be a massive help!"

I've learned that you don't get anywhere in life by being passive aggressive, if you want something, and it's reasonable, then ask for it!

If he's a nice guy, which you say he is, he'll probably do it no problem. Maybe he doesn't realise you're hard up.

Sunshinealwaysfollowstherainstorm · 27/10/2022 19:13

If your brother is a 4 hour drive away and you are willing to drive half so 2 hours roughly, you might find that you will have problems. Our alternator on our old car went while driving on a dual carriageway and we completely lost power. We had our toddler and baby in the car with us, and the car just died and lost all power. We just about managed to steer it to the lay-by part of the road. We had to get the breakdown recovery to take our vehicle to the garage.

Maybe your brother is thinking more of your safety than you believe by suggesting a local garage instead of finding yourself in a similar situation that we were in.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/10/2022 19:13

Fix your own bloody car! How rude.

It's up to you if you want to spend 'literally' hours (I'll bet it's not) helping him. If he's that far away, it will be far cheaper to find someone local. You're just after a freebie.

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:14

This is crazy. You expected to pay £400 to the main dealer, then you expected to pay £40 (tank of petrol) plus parts, now he's found a solution that will cost you £100 plus parts.

The difference is negligible, saves you a day of driving and you have six months in which to sort it. I cannot understand why you are so upset. If he was coming at Xmas, couldn't he do it then? Is there something more to this? It feels as if you are irrationally hurt when he has really just found a solution that most people would be ok with.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 27/10/2022 19:15

Before you throw all toys out the pram TALK to him. Some people are incredibly rubbish at putting one and one together. Just tell him that you don't expect free mechanic work for life but after the last 18 months of what you have done for him it feels like a kick in the teeth to let you down on this. If he is generally a good person, it might not have occurred to him.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/10/2022 19:15

Probably doesn't occur to him that you can't afford it.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:16

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:01

And if a belt or brakes failed would the work be guaranteed/insured? Or would Bil be personally liable? garages will have insurance to cover work done by employed staff on their premises.

Fine to take that risk for yourself. Different to open yourself up to liability from someone who is clearly prepared to be petty.

Show quote history

Hes a mechanic. If he doesn't know what he's doing then that's a seperate issue.

NumptiesIncorporated · 27/10/2022 19:16

He's four hours away? So you would travel for eight hours return in order to save £100 less eight hours worth of fuel? While you have brakes and an alternator belt that need to be replaced?

Honestly, his suggestion makes way more sense to me than that. I suspect he's suggesting it because he thinks it's the better option for you, not because he doesn't want to help.

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:16

I also dislike the passive aggressive response to rescind his Xmas invite and stop helping him. Why not just be direct? Why not just say 'I can't even manage £100 right now. If I get the parts could you do it at Xmas?'

Thehop · 27/10/2022 19:18

Next time he wants help tell him “here’s a link to some services, take it somewhere local it won’t cost much. “

Dibbydoos · 27/10/2022 19:18

Quveas · 27/10/2022 18:20

So you can pay £400, which you can't afford, or go to the garage that your BIL knows who will charge a quarter of that. And you think he's being unreasonable? That's "fuck all help"? There's plenty of people who would be grateful for that "fuck all".

I think you misread this post big time.

OP your BIL doesn't want to sort your car. He's told you to buy the parts and pay £100 to a garage to fit them yet you've done loads of unpaid work to help him. We'll f him. What an ungrateful AH.

I'd probably say After all the help I gave you you won't do my car now? Seriously, I'm skint. I took no money off you to help you and I now have to find £300 to sort my car when you could help me save some of that. Thanks.

It'll probably cost you 3/4 of the main dealer price in the end. I hope that's affordable. You know what to say if he asks for help in future don't you.

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:18

MishaBukvic · 27/10/2022 19:09

Just curious.... if you're so skint to the extent you can't afford £100 , why is the car booked in for a service at a main dealer anyway ?

It needs it because of the warrenty

OP posts:
PropertyGeek525 · 27/10/2022 19:18

I was going to say YANBU until I read the whole thread, now I think YABU.

I think your general attitude is what is keeping you skint. You should have agreed a % of the compensation for helping him.

You really should ask him to help with this rather than ghost him or uninvited him on Christmas Day.

You seem to need him to help you in a very specific way, he may not know you well enough to know how to help you like that. Some people need you to ask or be very direct with them and won’t read between the lines.