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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my BIL won't fix my car for me?

239 replies

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:15

My 4 yo (26,000 mile) car had a major service this week and I was told my disc brakes needed changing and my alternator belt too. Around £400 which I simply can't afford. Main dealer of course.

I spoke to my BIL who is a car mechanic who said he would order the parts at 60% off and do the work for me. We do live 4 hours away, but there is no rush and we could meet in the middle or I would go down there.

Yesterday, total about face and he said take it to a nearby garage and they will do it for about £100 and he would give me the website for the parts. So basically fuck all to help.

The thing is I have spent the last 18 months helping him with a legal case as he is dyslexic. I have spent literally hours and hours writing reports, responses and witness statements for him. Its a complex case. I've repeatedly said I don't want anything when he offered me money, weekend away etc.

AIBU to be fucked off that now I want something that he offered initially and I didn't ask for, has been withdrawn? AI also BU to stop all work on his legal case? Shall I just ignore him if he calls as I'm upset and angry?

OP posts:
ABBAsnumberonefan · 27/10/2022 22:06

TBH what you did is quite different. Did you need to hire / find a space? Use parts? Use tools? None of those things are free. Time, technically, is.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 22:07

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 21:54

Don't feed it lovely xx

Show quote history

Welll at least you’ve got a good sense of irony 😁

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 22:14

Shade17 · 27/10/2022 21:58

Just be aware that most garages will absolutely refuse to fit parts not supplied by them.

Thanks, I'll check beforehand

OP posts:
missbluex · 27/10/2022 22:14

So let me check this is right…

You insisted your BIL carry on the case despite him not wanting to.
You turned down the offers of repayment by him, despite him trying many times.
You also keep mentioning the 50k, yet claim “you didn’t expect anything in return” hmm Hmm

OP just put your big girl pants on and ask him to do it, or just actually bloody communicate with him. Slagging him off on the internet and excluding him from christmas is an incredibly petty low blow.

Do you know why you changed his mind about doing your car? maybe he has an appointment that day? something else popped up? You whinge but haven’t even provided any reason to why he retracted the offer.

Wanting your sticky fingers on his 50k because of financial hardship because of cost of living is just… Confused

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 22:17

ABBAsnumberonefan · 27/10/2022 22:06

TBH what you did is quite different. Did you need to hire / find a space? Use parts? Use tools? None of those things are free. Time, technically, is.

No he has a garage full of tools, a workshop etc. He would only need to spare the time. Discs are easy to get to behind the wheels (somewhere). But he won't so there it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 22:22

missbluex · 27/10/2022 22:14

So let me check this is right…

You insisted your BIL carry on the case despite him not wanting to.
You turned down the offers of repayment by him, despite him trying many times.
You also keep mentioning the 50k, yet claim “you didn’t expect anything in return” hmm Hmm

OP just put your big girl pants on and ask him to do it, or just actually bloody communicate with him. Slagging him off on the internet and excluding him from christmas is an incredibly petty low blow.

Do you know why you changed his mind about doing your car? maybe he has an appointment that day? something else popped up? You whinge but haven’t even provided any reason to why he retracted the offer.

Wanting your sticky fingers on his 50k because of financial hardship because of cost of living is just… Confused

Lots of silly assumptions, incorrect quotes of my post, not even reading my posts (I don't want it done for several months). I've never given any indication I want any of his money (I don't). He never gave a reason for withdrawing the offer. Your guess is as good as mine

OP posts:
ThereIbledit · 27/10/2022 22:46

I have never heard such absolutely frustrating nonsense as this thread!

OP, you have your knickers in a twist and are cutting your own nose off to spite your face. Just ask him. It's not rude to point out that you did a lot of work for him for free and that you are hoping that he would be willing to honour his original offer of doing this work for you. Just. Ask.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 23:06

ThereIbledit · 27/10/2022 22:46

I have never heard such absolutely frustrating nonsense as this thread!

OP, you have your knickers in a twist and are cutting your own nose off to spite your face. Just ask him. It's not rude to point out that you did a lot of work for him for free and that you are hoping that he would be willing to honour his original offer of doing this work for you. Just. Ask.

Ah but if OP had had a sensible conversation with her BIL as advised on page she couldn’t have created the frothy drip freed drama

and where would MN be then!

AdobeWanKenobi · 27/10/2022 23:49

Tell you what, if ever @MNHQ needed a real time demonstration of the need for an ignore button on this site one poster is demonstrating it wonderfully.

donttellmehesalive · 28/10/2022 06:04

If he's coming to stay for a few days at Christmas would he be able to do the work then?

I'd send 'thanks but I honestly don't have even a spare £100 right now. It just needs doing before next August. If I get the parts from that website could you fit when you're over in December or I could come to you anytime before August.'

I really think this is a misunderstanding and he thinks he's saved you money by suggesting something helpful.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/10/2022 17:01

HTH1 · 27/10/2022 20:03

I don’t think it’s too late to say to him that your situation has changed and you do need a share of the money he wouldn’t have otherwise had. Suggest 25% and see what he says.

Do this?

girlmom21 · 28/10/2022 17:56

OP sorry if you've already covered this but I can't see that you have. What's DH's relationship like with his brother?

Could he phone him and say "oi tightwad, the least you can do is fix monikers car after all the help she's given you. When are you next at mom's? I'll meet you there with the parts."?

ThereIbledit · 28/10/2022 19:27

@FurAndFeathers true, very true!

Kitkatcatflap · 28/10/2022 20:09

Draft a letter along the lines of 'given that you changed your mind after the first offer of help, I now feel that I can do the same - I think 5% of the 50,000 is fair given it was xxxxxx amount of hours over 18 month period'

Don't be a mug. Cancel the Christmas invite - say you can't afford guests, you had to pay to get your car fixed.

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