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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my BIL won't fix my car for me?

239 replies

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:15

My 4 yo (26,000 mile) car had a major service this week and I was told my disc brakes needed changing and my alternator belt too. Around £400 which I simply can't afford. Main dealer of course.

I spoke to my BIL who is a car mechanic who said he would order the parts at 60% off and do the work for me. We do live 4 hours away, but there is no rush and we could meet in the middle or I would go down there.

Yesterday, total about face and he said take it to a nearby garage and they will do it for about £100 and he would give me the website for the parts. So basically fuck all to help.

The thing is I have spent the last 18 months helping him with a legal case as he is dyslexic. I have spent literally hours and hours writing reports, responses and witness statements for him. Its a complex case. I've repeatedly said I don't want anything when he offered me money, weekend away etc.

AIBU to be fucked off that now I want something that he offered initially and I didn't ask for, has been withdrawn? AI also BU to stop all work on his legal case? Shall I just ignore him if he calls as I'm upset and angry?

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:18

Did you mention meeting him halfway? Because I can see why he might be irritated by your suggestion to drive two hours, do the work in a lay by somewhere, then drive home. Maybe he thinks you're the cf.

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:19

Maybe he was going to give you a % of the money he's about to receive?

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:20

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:16

Hes a mechanic. If he doesn't know what he's doing then that's a seperate issue.

Show quote history

By your logic no tradesperson/professional would ever have public liability or professional indemnity insurance.

which is clearly nonsense.
its pretty obvious that things can go wrong even with well trained professionals and expecting the BIL to be personally liable should anything go wrong shows that you have zero understanding of professional services.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/10/2022 19:22

It's nuts to drive 8 hours, more than a day lost, to fix a car.

He can't fix a car half way in a service station car park.

He's made a really sensible suggestion.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:22

if you really are upset about this to the point that you want to rescind the Christmas invite (you might feel differently in a weeks time) then just say you can't afford to feed them as you need every penny for your car. Its the truth, unless they are bringing all the food?

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:22

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:18

Did you mention meeting him halfway? Because I can see why he might be irritated by your suggestion to drive two hours, do the work in a lay by somewhere, then drive home. Maybe he thinks you're the cf.

He wouldn’t be insured and if there was a problem with the work he’d be personally liable. It’s the same reason that doctors don’t practice in lay-bys

Eloise38 · 27/10/2022 19:23

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:16

I also dislike the passive aggressive response to rescind his Xmas invite and stop helping him. Why not just be direct? Why not just say 'I can't even manage £100 right now. If I get the parts could you do it at Xmas?'

I agree with this. Ghosting him is a pathetic response - he probably doesn't even realise you're asking him to pay to fix your car.

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 19:23

Ah OK. I was already suspecting nonsense, but dealers aren't allowed to insist you use them for servicing, to keep the warranty and an alternator would be covered by your warranty.

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:23

Sunshinealwaysfollowstherainstorm · 27/10/2022 19:13

If your brother is a 4 hour drive away and you are willing to drive half so 2 hours roughly, you might find that you will have problems. Our alternator on our old car went while driving on a dual carriageway and we completely lost power. We had our toddler and baby in the car with us, and the car just died and lost all power. We just about managed to steer it to the lay-by part of the road. We had to get the breakdown recovery to take our vehicle to the garage.

Maybe your brother is thinking more of your safety than you believe by suggesting a local garage instead of finding yourself in a similar situation that we were in.

He was coming up to us for christmas, so thats not a problem. I have breakdown cover, and he also told me the belt would show signs of slipping and at 26,000 miles its unlikely to be an issue. He was reassuring.

He also told me the story of taking his car into MOT and being told something was worn and he was being given an advisory. He said he changed it for new 2 months earlier and the mechanic said, exactly, its got 2 months wear on it!

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/10/2022 19:23

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 18:31

It would cost me around £40 in petrol to travel to him or half that if we met halfway. How is that comparible? Its not even the money that the point its being happy for me to spend 18 months going through his legal case and then not doing anything for me.

He has offered money in the past, so why didn't he say he would pay to repair the car. £150 tops.

The work I've done on the legal case has gained him £50,000. He was going to give up the case 18 months ago.

Show quote history

Similar has happened to me with a 'friend' when I'd given hours and hours of complex help over a year...

I would be completely explicit with him...

Esp re 'I've gained you 50k...ice spent several hundred hours over 18 months helping you... And you won't do a job for a few hundred on my ca that would take you a morning?? That seems fair....'

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:23

@FurAndFeathers oh hush, you are really showing your ignorance here. Wont be responding to you again unless you say something sensible.

HermioneKipper · 27/10/2022 19:24

Is he your sister’s husband or your husband’s brother?

can either of these two speak to him?

I would expect either my sibling or my husband to go apeshit on my behalf

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:25

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 19:23

Ah OK. I was already suspecting nonsense, but dealers aren't allowed to insist you use them for servicing, to keep the warranty and an alternator would be covered by your warranty.

I realise that now, but I put in a payment plan to cover servicing and they didn't tell me it didn't have to be serviced by the main dealer. Service was over £400. Just need to be genuine parts apparently.

OP posts:
Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:26

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:23

@FurAndFeathers oh hush, you are really showing your ignorance here. Wont be responding to you again unless you say something sensible.

Me too, already realised they were being an arse for the sake of it.

OP posts:
forwhatitsworth22 · 27/10/2022 19:27

donttellmehesalive · 27/10/2022 19:14

This is crazy. You expected to pay £400 to the main dealer, then you expected to pay £40 (tank of petrol) plus parts, now he's found a solution that will cost you £100 plus parts.

The difference is negligible, saves you a day of driving and you have six months in which to sort it. I cannot understand why you are so upset. If he was coming at Xmas, couldn't he do it then? Is there something more to this? It feels as if you are irrationally hurt when he has really just found a solution that most people would be ok with.

Because he's going to bank 50k, sounds like jealousy on OPs part.
I agree with you it's a practical solution and one that can be done easier then driving miles

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/10/2022 19:28

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/10/2022 19:13

Fix your own bloody car! How rude.

It's up to you if you want to spend 'literally' hours (I'll bet it's not) helping him. If he's that far away, it will be far cheaper to find someone local. You're just after a freebie.

Like the dozens of hours of freebies she's given him??

OP do join the dots for him.

I'd also ask for a percentage of the 50k£.... As you're so skint and he would have had zero of not for you. 20 %would be reasonablr I think.

Don't make yourself poor.

Just say you've changed your mind and you want to be paid.

Heronwatcher · 27/10/2022 19:28

What’s to stop you you saying that on reflection you’d like to take up his offer to pay you (from the settlement he’s about to get), that of course you’re not going to charge market rates but that you’re Charing a flat fee of £400? If necessary say you’ll hold on to the signed agreement pending payment. And next time, if money is tight, accept the offer the first time it’s made.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:28

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 19:23

@FurAndFeathers oh hush, you are really showing your ignorance here. Wont be responding to you again unless you say something sensible.

Which bit specifically was ignorant? Please correct me if you have expertise in public liability. Sharing your knowledge is generally a more convincing way of demonstrating it, l than calling people names 😆

ABJ100 · 27/10/2022 19:29

But he offered you money for your work and you turned him down. So that's your own fault really. I can't believe you are so petty now. And you have the ability to save someone 50k but can't afford 100 pounds?

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:29

@Eloise38 He doesn't have to realise I want him to do the car. He offered. I didn't want or ask him to do it and was so happy he offered. Then a day later he says take it to a garage.

Goes to show no good deed goes unpunished! I now feel like shit.

OP posts:
FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 19:29

notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:26

Me too, already realised they were being an arse for the sake of it.

Show quote history

More name-calling 😆 You really are nice aren’t you?

Original poster
notmyrealmoniker · 27/10/2022 19:30

ABJ100 · 27/10/2022 19:29

But he offered you money for your work and you turned him down. So that's your own fault really. I can't believe you are so petty now. And you have the ability to save someone 50k but can't afford 100 pounds?

But I didn't need the money then. I do now. Have you not heard of the financial crisis, electric bills, food prices and so on?

OP posts:
diddl · 27/10/2022 19:30

It was your choice to offer to help him & refuse payment!

Not sure why he owes you!

Caroffee · 27/10/2022 19:30

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 18:34

Would it be be very wrong for me to say if you have such valuable skills, I'm not sure why you can't raise £100 to get your car fixed?

Obviously it's unreasonable that you've done so much free work, but isn't it madness to drive 4 hours each way to save c. £50?

I thought this.

ABJ100 · 27/10/2022 19:31

It sounds like you want payback for your work and even though he has found a very sensible solution, it's not good enough because you have it in your mind that he owes you. He offered to pay you for your services and you chose not to take him up on it, yet making him out to be a CF.

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