Flaky friend

[Jennybeans401]

I've known her for ten years and she's always been a bit flaky (she sets up meet ups, invites us over then the day or two days before her kids are unwell or she's got another reason not to meet up). I usually find out the day after that her dcs are well again and I feel a bit stupid. I've never really said anything though, just gone along with it because I value her friendship.

Three weeks ago my friend wanted to 'book' me and my dcs in for a playdate at her house in half term. It was a long way in advance but I agreed, my middle dc loves my friend's dd and my dd has had a horrible time at school with bullying do was looking forward to this meet up.

A week after my friend messaged to say she'd double booked us and they were going to an event in the city. She said we could come too if we wanted, she sent us the link and told us how to register. I agreed and booked this, my dcs were really excited about it. My dd in particular was very excited and I had booked a day off work so we could go.

Late last night friend messaged to say she thought she'd booked her tickets but she'd just checked and she hadn't. She said she couldn't book now because they were sold out. When I checked I saw there were tickets free, she then said she'd overscheduled and her dcs would be too tired to go.

I sent a message saying my dcs would be disappointed and that I would think carefully about planning something with her again. This was literally it, about two sentences. This then led to my friend sending two very long rants on WhatsApp about how she needed to put her children first, I was being difficult, she'd helped me so much through bereavement (I am still dealing with loss of my dh). I hadn't replied to this but she then removed my dcs from a sports group she runs and told us to find 'something else to do'. It was all very nasty and I'm shocked, I've paid my friend more than the fee for the group each time because my dcs love it so much. I've never asked for anything from her, she's offered help with childcare but I wouldn't accept it because I don't want to put on her.

My dd has very few friends and will be heartbroken. AIBU to think this reaction is totally disproportionate to a short message saying I was a bit unhappy about her cancelling again?

I would also be shocked, it sounds like a one sided friendship though. After she'd cancelled plans a few times I would have been reluctant to make more plans with her, you've been too nice and now she takes you for a doormat.

Cut ties with this woman, she doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

Removing your dcs from her sports group sounds like she's punishing your dcs through you which again is not the sign of a good person!!

What a cunt

Shes nasty

I think that she gets a better offer and ditches you. Dropping your children from the sports club is appalling. If people ask, I'd be telling them the truth. Where is the club held? If the children are really bothered and it's in council etc premises, I'd turn up and kick up a fuss tbh.

Appalling behaviour from her. Poor you.

It's a privately run group in a church hall so she has total control of the situation.Ive always paid a bit extra because my dcs love the activity and I've said this to her in the past.

I couldn't sleep last night with stressing over this, it sounds like she's just ended our friendship. I'm totally shocked.

My dd is close friends with her dd and I think my friend will put an end to their friendship now.

That’s bad. However I always think in circumstances like these it is often best to say nothing and back off from the friendship rather than say something as people get angry and defensive.

You find out someone's true nature when you stand up or say no to them.
Your " friendship" is reliant on her treating you badly.
Your DD will be influenced by this and learn to be treated poorly by others.
Take this gift she has handed you and walk away.

It sounds like you called her out on her lie that she couldn't go because the tickets had sold out. Weird behaviour since she had invited you to the event, chalk this up to experience and show your dcs there are better people out there.

Sorry to hear of your loss OP. What a shitty friend she is.

Can you find a similar sports group and make some new friends there? As another poster said, your friendship is reliant on her treating you badly.

I had a very similar friend, in fact I'm wondering if it is the same woman!

She also lost her shit when I called her out on a lie (she offered me a lift when my car was in the garage and then ghosted me, later claiming her son sustained a serious head injury and had to go to hospital....the same son who was cheerfully wandering around asda in his school uniform that evening...)

I feel sorry for your DC but its a blessing in the long run

That's awful. What an absolute bitch.

@KitBumbleB it does sound like the same person, this one has 2 dds though but the behaviour is very similar! I've been ghosted a few times by her and then she's extremely friendly, very kind, etc. It's strange and hurtful.

I know someone really really similar, even runs a sports group. I spent years placating her, we both have more than one child so even more pressure. Ultimately though eventually we had to give up as I was training my kids to be doormats and second rate people, always bending to the needs of others and not having their own considered.
She sounds the same, it’s healthier to break it off now and move forwards. Make more even friendships and accept it couldn’t last forever being so unequal.

I had offered to petsit for her while her family are away in a few weeks. My dcs love her pets and in her rant last night she'd said she'd sort her pets out with someone else.

I've not replied to the two long rants because I'm totally speechless!! I can't believe how nasty she's been.

This

Kicking two kids out a sports group because their mum pointed out some flakiness is a massive over reaction and also completely unfair.

But you did the right thing, that's another level of flaky. And the lying.

Sorry OP, that sounds very stressful.

I personally wouldn’t reply, whatever you say will be taken the wrong way/used against you.

Just sit back and hopefully she’ll reflect and realise she’s been a dick.

You should have dumped her years ago! Block her, move on. Use this as an opportunity to teach your children that even if we really want someone as a friend we should not allow them to be rude or unkind to us.

I think it's the lying and trying to hurt you through your dcs that I would be really pissed off about. She thinks you're a nice person and takes that as being a doormat.

She's cut her nose off to spite her face with the pet sitting, be careful she doesn't apologise just to get you to do this for her. Can't imagine she will have a lot of other offers!!

Look up the cycle of abuse Op

This woman sounds horrid. Be glad that you don't have to be friends with her anymore.